


Under Wraps

by beekudo



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: F/F, Witness Protection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:20:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 62,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23496664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beekudo/pseuds/beekudo
Summary: (AU) Vanessa Woodfield witnesses a murder and as a result, is put in the safe hands of family hidden away in the Yorkshire dales. Her months of protection bring her something she never could have expected. Or someone.
Relationships: Charity Dingle/Vanessa Woodfield
Comments: 78
Kudos: 244





	1. Should Have Stayed At Home

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaand she's back, with an actual firm idea that hopefully won't die off after a few chapters. It's not been written beforehand so will be likely a few days between chapters, although UK lockdown may mean sooner. Enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa gets caught up in something she shouldn't have, the police only have one choice.

She can feel a raindrop run down her cheek from one of the strands of hair clinging to her forehead, starting off cold from the source, warming as it descends towards her chin. Almost completely soaked through, she feels the shivers so deep within her chest that she momentarily ponders how she’d manage with hypothermia during her final year of studying. She concludes that thought pretty quickly, _not_ well. 

There’s a bitterly cold draft flooding the empty tunnel to the right of the platform and the noise of her ludicrously expensive leather boots squelching uncomfortably permeates the silence as she switches her weight between legs, attempting to keep warm. Glancing towards the orange glow on the board above her, she silently thanks London’s late-night weekend tube lines when she sees she only has a few minutes left before she can get her ice block of an arse on a warm seat.

It hadn’t even been her daft idea in the first place, Rhona had spent the best part of an hour this morning banging on about how the library is “sooo much quieter on a weekend” and she was in such desperate need of Vanessa’s “big, nerdy brain”. Shockingly enough, it _wasn’t_ the overwhelming flattery that persuaded her. With the promise of breakfast on Rhona before their shift on Monday, she eventually agreed to a few extra hours amongst the books instead of the planned night including her sofa and Bake Off. 

Naturally, by the time eight o’clock rolled around, Rhona was fidgeting and focusing more on balancing her pen lid on her finger than on the pristine notes and advice in front of her. It only took one text from Graham for an apologetic smile to grace her features before she was pressing a loud kiss to Vanessa’s cheek and heading towards the lifts. She’d made the sensible (stupid) decision to stay on and get admin done for the surgery. She badly needed her placement to work out this year, having a job lined up after graduation would take a hefty weight off her shoulders.

She’d done a double-take when she’d risked a quick glance at her watch and seen the hands approaching one in the morning. Grappling to get all of her things in her bag, she’d legged it down the stairs and out into the quickly overflowing street below. After a few seconds digging around trying to find her brolly, she’d figured it was pointless standing around and hoped the rain would let up, she was sorely mistaken. By the time she got to the entrance to the tube, she may as well have been dunked in a full bath.

Now she runs a finger under her eyes to swipe at the undoubtedly dark mascara trails and when they flutter open again, something black flickers in the corner of her vision. Then she hears a muffled cry, a _pained_ muffled cry. From her place leaning against a warm vending machine, she reluctantly tilts her head ever so slightly, eyebrows knitting together in a confused frown at what she finds. The flicker of black reveals itself to be a rather scrawny looking bloke hunched over and surrounded by a long, filthy black jacket, clutching desperately at his chest. Moving on instinct, her feet take a cautious few steps, the noise of her drenched boots no longer audible over the screeching of the tube as it rumbles onto the platform. The familiar high pitched beeping of the doors opening seems far away to Vanessa as she nears the man, his eyes cloudy as they try to focus on her form. His face is ashen, so deathly pale that Vanessa can see every broken blood vessel and pulsing vein as though looking at him under a microscope. He is shaking violently and she begins to open her mouth, preparing to offer help in the form of basic First Aid questions and a 999 call, but before she can get the words out, an unexpected movement catches her eye. Appearing from the shroud of his coat, a trembling hand lifts its index finger, now covered in blood, and points weakly towards the steps she had walked down not 15 minutes earlier. Her eyes trace a path from the pool of carmine liquid forming at his feet up to the staircase.

Vanessa’s blood runs even colder than the harsh winter had lowered it, taking in the reality of what she seems to have willingly walked towards. Just visible at the top of the steps, beyond the creaking turnstiles, stands a figure slightly obscured by the shadow from ground level. Seemingly as shocked to see Vanessa as she is to see him, she glances down to the item in his hands before he has a chance to react. In a tight grip, he is holding what she swiftly deciphers to be a very long gun. A very large, terrifying gun with a pitch black, cylindrical barrel at its tip. She’s seen enough terrible action movies to click that this is a silencer, and realises as she remembers the lack of platform staff, that she most definitely was not supposed to be here. 

Unable to avert her eyes despite her brain screaming at her to move, the beeping of the doors closing once again breaks her out of her reverie and as the gun is lifted, its aim different this time, a switch flicks and she’s dragging her feet back towards the train as fast as they’ll take her.

She just about registers the sound of someone jumping the turnstile as she clambers onto the train, not even able to think to cry out in pain as her arm gets briefly trapped between the doors. Head fuzzy with adrenaline, she wraps a hand around her elbow and yanks as hard as she can, managing to release it just as the ground jerks beneath her feet and she’s thrown backwards to the floor as the train moves off. 

Instinctively shuffling onto her knees, Vanessa reaches her unbruised hand up to hold onto a railing and pull up but is instantly knocked back as the sound of glass smashing above her brings a shower of sharp edges against her skin. Four sharp shots follow, bouncing against the metal exterior of the train as she slams her eyes shut. Her breathing coming in laboured and shallow now, heartbeat thrashing against her ribcage, she crouches until the light outside her eyelids seems to dim. 

She’s panting as she opens them to the otherwise empty carriage hurtling through the tunnel, fumbling for the strap to her bag she simultaneously pulls on the collar of her coat desperately seeking more oxygen. Once rid of the constriction, the sting of glass shards piercing her skin and a dull throb in her left arm begins to seep into her consciousness. Her focus now on the searing pain running through her veins, she fails to notice the lack of smooth fabric around her shoulders, her scarf long forgotten in a damp pile on the platform she’s left behind.

*****

The blanket’s rough, scratchy against her clammy skin yet she can’t find it in her to unravel it from where it had been wrapped around her shoulders. It somewhat reminds her of the picnic blankets her mother used to make her sit neatly on when she was a child, cross-legged, tiny hands grasping thin ham sandwiches that had been cut into triangles. Those picnics usually resulted in Vanessa being yelled at for gripping her juice carton too hard in the wrong place and squirting orange all over her best outfits.

She’s still shivering, whether this is from the cold in her bones or the fear in her gut, she can’t really discern anymore. A scalding plastic cup filled with slightly gritty machine coffee has managed to calm the jittering of her hands and she holds it close to her chest. The police officer who had passed it to her with a sympathetic glance had at least put a few sugars in it for her, most likely to help with the shock, but it had done wonders for the bitter taste too. She’d been led into a small office once they’d arrived at the station, feet shuffling against the lino covered floor before she’d felt gentle hands at her shoulders guiding her into an uncomfortable plastic chair. The desk in front of her is littered with papers and she can occasionally hear radios crackling from the other side of the door, broken voices alerting the station of callouts that needed bringing in.

That must have been her about two hours ago, one pleading and disjointed cry for help as she’d managed to stumble off at the next stop and the blood dripping from her arms had caught the attention of a stunned platform assistant. They’d hastily helped pick pointed shards from her skin and wrapped a gauze bandage to try and curb the flow as she’d sat in the cushioned seat of the ticket booth. She vaguely heard someone reassure her that the police were on their way and it had seemed barely a few minutes before she was being bombarded with questions, the decision to take her into the station hadn’t been a difficult one.

The door behind her squeaks on its hinge as it opens carefully, a new man appearing, running a hand heavily through grey hair as he slumps down into the seat opposite. Coffee guy follows, clicking the door shut and leaning anxiously against the office wall. They both look as worried as she feels and her heartbeat thuds in the back of her throat. Loosened tie and harsh bags under his eyes, the older of the two speaks up first.

“Miss Woodfield, I understand you’ve been through a lot in the past few hours but we still need to go through some things with you if that’s okay.”

Vanessa recognises that she doesn’t have much of a choice, nodding her head a fraction and keeping her gaze locked over his shoulder.

“The body was found and has now been identified as Roger Caulsdon,” the hairs on the back of her neck bristle at learning his name, the name to the stricken face she’d watched lose its colour

“Mr Caulsdon was a banker, a banker we know has been wrapped up in some dangerous groups of people as of late. The bullet that was removed and the description of the gun you provided has heavily suggested this was organised, a hit job, so to speak."

Vanessa can hear the words clear as day but the facts being presented are so far beyond her imagination, so far beyond what she thought could ever _really_ happen to her. Organised crime, a dead banker, running from London’s answer to the bloody mafia and all she was trying to do was get home to catch up on Mary Berry’s flan critiques.

“We think we know who may be responsible but the victim’s finances and activity will need to be thoroughly searched before we can confirm anything. What we’re now concerned with is your safety Miss Woodfield.” He pauses for a second, eyes flickering around the room when Vanessa finally brings her gaze up to meet his.

“ _My_ safety?” she croaks, throat dry waiting for the boiling liquid in her hands to cool down enough to drink, “But...I ran? And you said you know who is responsible? How am I in any danger if you arrest them?”

She can feel her pulse erratic as she curls one hand around her aching wrist. He may have seen her face, what she was wearing, where she was heading - but he hadn’t caught her, he hadn’t come after her.

“We _think_ we know. We can’t make any arrests without warrant to. But with these kinds of people we have to take more precaution, if he saw enough of your face, if he found his way into the ticket booths he could have got hold of any CCTV footage, there could be more links to who you are than you realise. You’re a witness now Miss Woodfield, a threat.”

He exhales loudly, watching as Vanessa’s mouth opens and closes, unable to choose from the thousand questions flooding through her mind. She manages to place the cup of coffee onto the surface in front of her before dragging trembling fingers through her hair, mostly dry now and forming light waves around her face.

“Okay so, if he _somehow_ knows who I am...and...you can’t arrest him yet...what happens to me?”

Behind the images of her successful veterinary career, a beautiful home and family are now flashing scenes of what she could be facing. Figures passing in the shadows outside their student flat, lingering until she turns in for the night, catching glimpses of her as she pulls the curtains to a close. Strangers sitting in the back row of a lecture theatre, waiting for her to go to the bathroom where she changes for her afternoon shift. Locking up the surgery for the day, unaware of eyes dancing over her shoulder.

Coffee guy pushes himself off the wall with his pointed dress shoe, he glances briefly at his superior, gaining a resigned nod before producing a manila folder from behind his back and letting it fall to the desk under her nose. The folder has yellow post-it not taped to the front labelling ‘ _Sophia Hardy_ ’. She blinks a few times attempting to get her head round the insinuation, angling her head towards the man above her and raising a brow in question.

“You’ll be kept safe. A few months at most, until we can secure the group and be sure you’re not at any risk.” The words come out with such ease, such nonchalance, he may as well have handed her a bloody cheese toastie not a new identity. 

“Wh-where? I’m qualifying this year...I can’t just _disappear_!” her pitch is much higher this time, cracking around the words,

“What happens to my friends, they live in that flat too? My work? My family?” she trails at the last part, knowing her connection to her mother is probably too weak for them to follow the trail anyway. 

Her breathing has returned to its shallow pace it had found on that train, the blanket now sloped off one shoulder thanks to her panicked hand gestures. The cold has worked its way back into her veins, only this time she can sense that it is more panic than temperature. 

“You’ll be in a safe house, they work under our monitoring. We’ve had to find one quickly so they’re one of our lesser used contacts, this way it’s less conspicuous too. You’ll be staying with a farming family in a small village, to the rest of the community you’ll be an apprentice.”

He pulls some photographs out of the folder, lining them up in front of Vanessa so she can make out the faces and buildings. There’s a rickety looking cottage in one photo, placed just ahead of a series of outbuildings leading to the farm, the sign on the gate reads ‘Wishing Well’. The photo of the family takes her aback slightly. A woman with mousy hair to her waist is perched on a beaten sofa, accompanied by a scruffy bloke, farmer's cap atop his head, beard scraggly and a boy about eighteen, goofy smile and sat cross-legged taking up too much room. Sat at their feet is a toddler, blonde and gap-toothed, smiling away. This brings a small grin to Vanessa’s face, at least they seem _normal,_ she can’t help but feel reassured by the four sets of kind eyes staring out of the photo. 

She shakes her head of the thought, “How am I supposed to be safe with a kind, seemingly harmless family? You not putting me up with some ex-security guards or police officers then?”

The man sitting opposite her clears his throat and what sounds like a small chuckle creeps out from between his lips. 

“Harmless they are not, the family is...much larger than just these four, these are just who will be under the same roof as you. Zak and Lisa,” he points to the couple grinning at the camera, “they’re also parents to pretty much all of the troublemakers in their family. Nephews who’ve done time for bar fights and fraud, grandchildren that have taken stolen vehicles on occasional joyrides and most recently a niece, about your age actually.”

“And what’s _she_ done?! How is this _safer_ than somewhere else?” Vanessa’s eyes are almost bulging out of her head at this stage, a nice normal family her _arse_.

“She’s also under a sort of protection at the moment, she’s been involved in an investigation and needs to be safe while it’s carried out. She’ll be staying with some of her cousins in the local pub." It's said with slightly more caution this time.

"They’re slightly dysfunctional yes, but they can sure as hell defend themselves and their own, they will keep you safe. We have no reason not to trust them, based on previous jobs they’ve been given, they’re our best bet at the moment.”

She picks up the photo of the village layout to her right and scrutinises each street until she can practically envisage each one lined with Dingles, popping their heads out of windows like some sort of pantomime. Coffee guy speaks up again, stealing away the images of dance sequences on a village green and spontaneous song.

“You can take this folder with you when you arrive back at your flat, have a read through. Your flatmates will be provided with an explanation we can send via text from your current phone before we issue you with a replacement. We’ll get your arm properly looked at and then, you’ll need to pack a few bags. We have all the documentation you’ll need, but we’ll need you to be ready with the rest as soon as possible, two or so hours from now, it’s quite a long drive.”

Vanessa’s head snaps up, still spinning from her attempt to digest the information being thrown her way. “Long drive? Where exactly is the village? Is it far out of London?”

He shoots her a small smile, cocking one eyebrow before placing the folder neatly back into her open hands.

“Emmerdale, North Yorkshire.”

*****


	2. Wishing Well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa arrives in Emmerdale and manages to survive initiation into the Dingle clan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A day off work resulted in a slightly longer second chapter, hope you enjoy!

Her head bouncing painfully off the back window wakes Vanessa, the seat belt cutting into her shoulder slightly where she’d fallen asleep at an awkward angle. She rubs harshly at her eyes, attempting to make the view on the other side of the glass less blurry. 

“Sorry love, potholes galore round here, we’re definitely out of the city now.” 

He meets her gaze in the rear-view mirror, his tone is just the right level of friendly she needs for the morning she’s had. He’d been parked just around the corner from their shoebox flat at five thirty, having allowed her some time to throw odds and sods into a suitcase, trying to make sure she had enough jeans to see her through a few months and not just the panic-packed digestives and veterinary textbook.

She’d managed to get through most of the folder’s contents before giving into the exhaustion and effects of the strong painkillers the station nurse had provided, letting her head droop. She was Sophia Hardy, farming apprentice from Hertfordshire, having left behind her modest family home she shared with her father, her mother having passed away as a child - well, at least one part of that would be easy to make convincing.

The rest had been fairly self-explanatory, her birthday had been changed, her age a few years younger than she really was, she’d apparently chosen to come further afield to get a better experience of farming in harsher conditions and just to explore a bit. Oh and she’s single,  _ so _ painfully single, so that changes...absolutely nothing!

Her phone is a new iPhone, similar enough to her own that it doesn’t feel out of place in her hand. It had been equipped with a frighteningly boring list of contacts, scrolling carefully through she’d found ‘Dad’, ‘Aunty Sarah’, ‘Granny’ and a number of average-Joe names concealing the friends she’d left behind - Rhona, Paddy, Moira. A text had been sent to them all in their university group chat, then forwarded onto her in an email from Coffee Guy. It had explained that her mother had called, she’d been diagnosed with MS and needed care while undergoing some invasive treatment. The team had even been careful enough to mention that even despite their turbulent relationship, she still felt she should be there, there was no one else. To be perfectly honest, the  _ guilt _ brought on by the lie had tugged more at her heartstrings than the lie itself.

“Are we far?” Her eyes focus in on the horizon, just visible over the low stone walls lining the country lanes. The sun is plenty visible in the sky amongst the clouds now, unlike when they had set off this morning at London’s dreary dawn.

“Not much longer now, say half hour, you need to stop at all?”

At this point, she’s not sure exactly where they would stop if she needed to, they’re completely surrounded by rolling fields and lush woodland. A pee crouched down next to a sheep is the last thing she needs to top off the longest 9 hours of her life, and not  _ exactly _ what she was hoping for as a start to her veterinary career. She leans her head back against the headrest, fingers absent-mindedly playing with the frayed edge to her sleeve and letting her eyes roam the endless expanse of green unfolding in front of her. She doesn’t lift her eyes back up to him as she replies.

“No, I’ll be alright.”

*****

They’d pulled into the village a few minutes ago, pretty much exactly as she’d imagined with its cobbled paths and patchwork array of cottages left, right and centre. The driver slows as he points out the quiet café, the pub, void of people so early in the morning, and the local vets. Her chest thuds at this particular one, an overt reminder that this isn’t who she  _ is _ here, she’s not home anymore.

The car veers off to the left through the village, making its way up a track that gradually turns from tarmac to dirt, the sound of small stones popping off the surface of the tyres. The cottage is no different to how it had looked in the photos, only now she can smell the signature manure of farm life and see plumes of white smoke floating out of the chimney, a morning fire having obviously been lit. She’s still noticing small details like the uneven brickwork when the door clicks next to her, an outstretched arm and kind smile signalling for her to step out of the car. 

She brushes out the non-existent creases in her jumper and pulls her jacket tighter around her frame as the sound of suitcase wheels hitting the ground registers behind her. He brings her bags along with a small backpack she knows contains everything she’ll need to keep up her new persona. The corners of her mouth turn up politely as she pulls one strap over her shoulder. He motions slightly to her right and she turns to face the people now appearing from the doorway. 

She urges her feet to move and takes a few hesitant steps to the gate, pushing it so it creaks open and flakes of old paint come off in her hand. She glances up and notices the woman she knows to be Lisa bringing an elbow into the side of her son, jerking her head towards Vanessa until his eyes widen with understanding and he rushes forward to help take her luggage.

“Thank you” she manages, voice much quieter than intended.

“S’alright, come in, mum’s put the kettle on,” his smile is wide and she can’t help but return it. She turns back expecting the driver to be following but he’s dipping his head low to return to the driver’s seat, raising a hand briefly in goodbye.

“Come on in love, stay out here much longer and we’ll need our thermals on!” Her voice is light as Vanessa turns back, allowing her to step over the threshold in front and she’s immediately enveloped by warmth, noting the log burner blazing away in the corner.

“Take a pew sweetheart, our Zak’s making a brew, he won’t be a minute,” she joins Vanessa on the trampled sofa from the photos, thundering footsteps on the staircase catching their attention before they can introduce themselves properly.

A flash of blonde passes in front of her before she’s face to face with bright eyes and a huge smile, perching precariously on the edge of the coffee table.

“Belle, what’d I say about pegging it down them stairs?” her mother’s tone is much softer than a reprimand, a hint of humour lacing the words.

“Not ta,” the toddler beams back, eyes not moving from Vanessa, “‘Iya, my name’s Belle, what’s yours?”

She goes to answer, smiling gently back at the excited little girl, but stops herself short remembering the reason she’s here in the first place. She glances sideways at Lisa, raising her eyebrows, completely stumped for her response.

“This is Sophia darlin’, remember the lady we talked about?” Reaching out to place a wayward hair behind Belle’s ear, she grins as the girl nods her head wildly in response.

“Yep, we keepin’ you safe. Don’t worry, me dad’s big and tough.” 

A burning sensation suddenly hits the back of Vanessa’s eyes as she takes in the innocent and genuine look on the blonde’s face. She  _ knows _ , but how much? Surely they wouldn’t have told a kid  _ this _ small something so frightening. 

Lisa places a cautious hand on her shoulder and she blinks the quickly forming tears away furiously as she turns to face her.

“Only our family knows why you’re here darlin’, and only minor details, don’t fret, they never go into the full extent when we’re housing people.” 

Her hand is heavy on Vanessa’s shoulder and she can’t help but lean into the contact, reassurance and comfort hardly having been provided by the coppers. 

“Us Dingles will look out for you, my lot don’t tell anyone anything they don’t need t’know. None of us know real names or nothing personal, promise, we’ll just get to know whoever you want to show us.”

Her smile is small and she squeezes the aching muscle under her hand when she sees a few stray tears escape Vanessa’s eyes. A grunt from behind them alerts Zak’s presence, she flicks her gaze upwards and is met with a slightly chipped yellow mug, steam pouring up to the ceiling. 

“ ‘Ere kid, get this down yous and then get some kip. Sammy’s taken ya bags upstairs, your room’s next to the loo, on the left.” His brows stay angled firmly down in a frown but his eyes are warm and manner careful when he twists the mug for her to take the handle.

“You’ve had a rough day love, I’ll make sure our Belle keeps her yabberin’ down so you can rest, we won’t wake ya til’ you’re ready alright?” 

Lisa moves her hand from Vanessa’s shoulder and points teasingly at the offended look on the toddler’s face. She wiggles the finger closer until it reaches her neck, the girl beginning to squeal at the tickling motion. 

“Come on yous, you can help me put the washing on the line.” She takes Belle’s hand and tugs gently until the girl stands. “Sammy and Zak’ll be out on the farm most of the day so no disturbances, shout if you need anything alright pet?”

Vanessa smiles softly up at the pair, reclined further into the cushions now that the warmth has flooded back into her bones. She can feel her eyelids heavy but the heat emanating from the mug is enough to keep her up.

“Thank you, all of you, it’s nice here.” Lisa’s eyes are sympathetic at that, but not pitying. “I’ll head up in a minute.”

“Stay as long as you like down here love, this is your home too now.”

A quick squeeze on Belle’s hand has them heading back towards the kitchen, the sound of the back door shutting quietly behind them. Vanessa lets the steam wash over her face and takes a few more gulps before glancing towards the stairs and shifting herself up.

*****

When she starts to come back to her senses, Vanessa is curled up under the winter duvet Lisa had laid out for her, chequered and covered in fleece blankets for when she gets cold. Her bed is directly under a window that rattles slightly when the wind picks up but she’s above the kitchen so the bobbly carpet feels warm under her feet when she swings her legs over. She runs a hand through her hair, meeting a few stubborn tangles on the way. She’d managed to make it to the right room but hadn’t even changed before collapsing onto the bed around half nine this morning. 

After more than twenty four hours awake and witnessing and running from a murder, she hadn’t even dreamt she was so exhausted. She’s relieved really, any dreams she would have had would more than likely have been nightmares. The wake-up-drenched-in-sweat kind. Blood, the raising of that gun, the sound of bullets ricocheting around her ears. 

Glancing out of the window, the sun is already starting to disappear beyond the paddocks. It must be getting to five or six if it’s already sunset, winter stealing the light before she’s had a chance to enjoy it. Her room is bathed in a pink glow, bouncing off the framed mirror in the corner and illuminating the small space enough for her to take it all in. 

There’s a bookshelf lined with children’s books, some dusty classics and a few stuffed farm animals, including one rather neglected looking lamb with a chewed ear. Next to it sits a desk that looks handmade, the legs rickety and the handles on the drawers mismatched. A few items litter the chest of drawers under the mirror, what looks like a hairbrush and some toiletries. Wandering over she notices a small note tucked under the toothbrush - ‘ _ We don’t always have the time to remember them…and no one likes smelly breath ey?’  _

She feels a chuckle in her throat and pats herself on the back for a good judge of character when she’d first seen this family in the small photo at the police station. 

Turning to her suitcases she heaves it open and recognises the soft grey of her joggers poking out from under some jumpers. She tugs at the legs and pulls them on, replacing her jeans that have ridden uncomfortably up her ankles. A darker grey catches her eye and she reaches for it, it’s an old Christmas gift from her mother but the soft lining of the hoody cancels out the cold feeling she gets looking at it. 

Stopping at the mirror, she manages to scrub some of the eyeliner from under her eyes so she looks less like a disheveled racoon. She makes the executive decision that the smell of whatever is cooking downstairs has far more appeal than a shower and make-up wipes. 

The old floorboards creak under her weight as she pads over to the stairs. She jerks to a stop at the top step.

There are people, definitely more than the four voices she was expecting, a good few more. Occasional cackles of laughter and the sound of Lisa telling off various strangers for being greedy or spilling broth. She hesitates, she’s not only not made up to meet new people but she’s also terrified. If they’re here on her first day, it’s bound to be the rest of the ‘clan’, the infamous Dingle lot, ready to intimidate her with all their different misdemeanours. 

“ _ Oh grow a pair Ness, you’re too hungry to care about this right now. _ ” She mutters under her breath.

A gentle groan sounds from each step as she works her way down, the voices dying out as several pairs of eyes shoot up to look her way. There’s a brunette, fringe flopping down in front of her so she has to huff it away with her breath. A lanky lad is sitting next to Sam, little gold hoops in each of his ears and the same kind eyes as the rest of them. A  _ less _ kind face comes next,  _ far  _ less, he doesn’t even look up, five o’clock shadow not quite covering up his scowl. A young boy leaning up against Lisa’s side is the first to speak up.

“Ey mum, it’s the lass we saw getting out of the car, told you it was her!” 

“Aaron!” The brunette looks sheepishly up at Vanessa, “Sorry, he gets excited with new faces. You’re Sophie then?”

“Sophiaaa, Chas. Not Sophie, silly.” Belle perks up from where she’s sat in her dad’s lap and runs to Vanessa, grabbing her fingers with her tiny hands and pulling her down the last few steps.

She can’t help the pink tinge that creeps its way up her neck onto her cheeks and tries to chuckle lightly. 

“Sophia, yeah. Hi, nice to meet you, all of you. Heard a lot about you.” She watches as all seven faces opposite her twist into varying degrees of amused.

“None of it’s true, swear down!” Lanky pipes up from his place on the arm of the large chair in the corner. “I’m Marlon by the way, sorry!” 

“Some of it’s true, especially that he’s a prize idiot, foot in mouth disease that one.” The permanent frown on the grumpy one lifts ever so slightly at his own humour.

Marlon laughs, reassuring Vanessa that at least they’re aware of their own reputation, odd thing is, they don’t seem to care. It’s refreshing really, being surrounded by people who don’t get phased by opinions that truly won’t matter. 

Lisa brings her over a bowl of stew from the hob, the smell of beef and dumplings making her stomach growl loudly in anticipation. “Don’t you take notice of this lot sweetheart, you can be yourself here, these numpties don’t bother with niceties so you don’t have to either.”

“Especially Cain, you can ignore most of what comes out’ his mouth, love.” Chas gets a thump on her arm from him at that, taking no time to close her fist and whack his shoulder back.

She grins and takes a seat on a chair near the log burner in the far corner as Zak throws daggers at the pair of them. She feels oddly at home amongst the rabble, this a real  _ family _ . Bickering, laughter, no keeping up appearances like she’s used to. She watches as Aaron takes up a position on the opposite side of the coffee table to Belle, setting up a game of Guess Who where half the characters are missing and the colours are faded. Lisa busies herself in the kitchen and she gradually lets the noise of chatter from the others swell around her as she takes tentative mouthfuls from her bowl. Her knees are tucked up protectively against her chest, stew resting on her kneecaps and she feels the bowl wobble dangerously whenever she laughs at their arguing. 

She’s mid mouthful when the back door slams shut and mass of blonde hair storms into view.

“Right, that’s the last time I get stuck with bin duty, one of yous lot can do it next time. Sodding freezing my chebs off out there.”

The stranger swipes her curls away from her face and pauses immediately when she notices the new face in the corner. Her eyes don’t waver, staring directly at Vanessa until she’s fairly sure it’s gone quiet in the room.

“Charity, Sophia. Sophia, gobby cow and worst of the lot, Charity.” Chas is smiling broadly from where she’s leaning against the cushions, wiggling her eyebrows at her own joke.

Vanessa can’t move enough to acknowledge the introduction. The emerald green piercing her gaze has a different kind of thud appear in her throat now. She’s unsure as to whether or not her mouth is open as she tries desperately to find a hello somewhere. The girl standing a few feet away is gorgeous, all cheekbones and blonde tresses almost reaching her waist, her sharp jaw tensing under the scrutiny of Vanessa’s eyes. Her heart feels like it’s squeezing around the words as she manages to get them out. 

“Hi, nice to meet you.” 

Charity’s eyes finally move away from her own, her gaze darting down to the cuts and bruises covering Vanessa’s bare hands where they’re wrapped around the bowl. She moves to pull her hoody sleeves down over them, conscious of how broken she must look after today. When she dares to look back up, she notices a flickering of what looks like concern, or maybe understanding, passing over the blonde’s features. It’s gone before she can decide on which one.

That  _ voice _ only makes matters worse, it’s rougher than it had been during her outburst about the bins. Vanessa feels a strain against her ribcage.

“Welcome to the madhouse, Sophia.”

She moves then, pushing Marlon from his place on the arm of the other chair, receiving an “Oi” in return. 

“You can ignore whatever she says n all, she’s stuck here just like you for now. ‘Cept she’s actually related so she feels she’s got a right to boss everyone around and sulk like a kid.” Chas sniggers as Charity’s head whips round and she raises a finger in response. 

Vanessa grins at the interaction, blush determined to stick around as she tries to focus back on her bowl. The hairs on the back of her neck suddenly raise and she risks a glance upwards, the heat only rising in her cheeks as she’s met with those eyes staring right back at her, the faintest hint of a smile at the corner of Charity’s lips. It’s gone almost as soon as she realises she’s been caught.

“I’m stuck at the pub with this miserable lot anyway, won’t bother you too much.”

Somehow Vanessa doubts she’d be bothered at all.


	3. The Big Dipper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa settles into life at Wishing Well, stumbling across some new territory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Managed to finish this chapter despite a hellish work shift, never get bored writing about this lot. Enjoy!

The first few days had passed slowly, no one actively trying to push Vanessa out of her comfort zone just yet. She’d been more grateful than they probably realised, her first day had been restful, easy, but it hadn’t lasted long. The nights following that Sunday had been far less forgiving and she’d woken multiple times with her breathing erratic, her eyes desperately seeking familiar items around her in the dark as she tried to calm down. It was usually the feeling of him grabbing hold of her wrist as she wrestles to free it from the doors. Frantically trying to pull back but feeling the fight leave her body without permission, his eyes shining with menace as he realises he’s won. A sharp tug, crashing back onto the platform, would pull her from her restless sleep sweating and pressing her aching hand to her chest. 

Lisa hadn’t seemed to mind the company during the day, letting Vanessa potter around after her. Handing her a small wicker basket and trowel one milder morning, pointing out the more vicious weeds that needed uprooting. She’d even given her the yellow marigolds, reasoning easily that getting dirt in her cuts was the last thing she’d need. Once the smell of cow and horse dung had become commonplace to her senses, Vanessa had enjoyed being out in the fresh air, pulling at the leaves with her good arm and making small talk with the older woman.

She’d even donned a pair of considerably mucky wellies after brewing a pot of tea, carrying the mugs over to the outhouses for the boys once they’d returned from the paddocks. By the time day three had rolled around, she had perfected the job, determined to recover from Zak’s initial critique of his cuppa tasting like it had come “right from the udder”. She’s getting the impression that Lisa is just thankful to have someone to occupy Belle, the little’un too young to be at school yet and easily bored once she’s reorgansied all her toys. 

She’s inquisitive and spouts endless questions about Vanessa’s favourite animals, dragging her over to the sofa so she can pick the brightest shades in the spectrum to paint their nails. The varnish spills over onto the tips of their fingers and Belle doesn’t leave hers to dry long enough before she bolts around the house, grabbing her best wellies and shoving their bright floral pattern under Vanessa’s nose. 

Thursday morning had brought blazing sunshine streaming through her window and she’d watched the January frost slowly melt its way down the glass, leaving long streaks in its wake. She’s sat up with her back against the sill, warmth beating down on her bare shoulders as she flicks through a chapter in her textbook. She’s found it to be the one thing that grounds her to reality without bringing on that anxious curling in her stomach, taking in the familiar words and keeping her brain otherwise occupied. An unsure rap at the door breaks her concentration.

Zak waits for her to place the book on the bed next to her before stepping forward into the room, he brings his right hand round from behind his back, revealing a sealed pack of bandages and some antiseptic spray. She smiles up at him as he squints against the sun.

“That time of the day kid, you need a hand?” He doesn’t move to sit down, instead letting the bandages fall onto the blanket. She shakes her head and reaches forward. She moves to open the pack, pulling tightly at either end and waiting for the plastic to split. With the heat in the room, her clammy hands slip and her orange Belle-painted nail catches one of the healing cuts on her left palm. 

“Shit!” She hisses briefly in pain, instantly moving it to her mouth. The wound stings so intensely that she can feel it everywhere, working its way up her nose into the corners of her eye where she feels them begin to water. She nods slowly as she removes her hand from her lips.

“Yes, please.”

He doesn’t hesitate now, sagging down onto the duvet and opening the packet with a penknife he’s produced from his jacket pocket, the silver glinting as it catches the sunlight. He passes her the antiseptic and she leans carefully over to the bedside cabinet, reaching into a small tin and bringing out a few cotton pads for her to clean the cuts properly. The safety pin holding her bandages in place is flicked open and just like every time, Vanessa winces when it reveals her skin peppered with small healing cuts and some gradually forming scars. The bruising is worse, her elbow to her fingertips littered with purple splotches, some fading into yellow around the edges. 

She clenches her jaw and grits her teeth as she presses the cotton pads to each cut, placing the used ones into Zak’s open hand with a grateful smile. He’s unravelled the new bandages, placing the pads in his pocket before stretching the material out between his hands in preparation to wind it carefully around her arm. 

“Ready, pet?” 

She nods gently and holds one end down at her elbow with her thumb, watching as he passes the bandage over and under her arm, pulling every now and then to make sure it’s not too loose. He holds it in place at her thumb with one hand, using his right to swipe the penknife through the remainder so he can slip the safety pin back in place. He pats her hand once before gathering the rubbish up and standing back to full height. 

“Good as new, ey?” His smile is cautious, he bumbles around most of the time but he’s sensitive enough to understand the injuries are still as raw mentally as they feel physically. 

“Thanks Zak, sorry you keep having to help with such little things, I’ll grow a pair soon and be able to hack it myself.” She risks a chuckle but he only grins lightly in response.

“You’re not weak, kid, we all need help here and there.” He points towards the window and his eyes flash with mischief, “we’ll have you out there this afternoon helpin’ us n all.”

The idea of getting stuck in on the farm at some point had mostly been to keep up the premise of her apprenticeship but the more she thinks about it, the more she realises it’ll probably do her some good. Fresh, albeit reeking, air, baby animals, actual career-related activities. She might just get roped into mucking out the pens and stables but at least she’ll be doing something helpful. 

“I don’t mind, might just need to find some more clothes that I can get grubby.” She laughs as she points over to her open chest of drawers, filled with white t-shirts and pristine jeans. 

Zack follows her finger and chuckles, holding his own finger up suddenly, signalling for her to wait. When he steps back in, he’s holding a set of soft navy jogging bottoms and a matching jumper, both covered in paint. 

“Our Sam’s from when I made him paint the outhouses in the summer. As clean as can be, just don’t have to worry ‘bout getting them mucky.” He throws them onto the bed and brings his watch up to eye level. 

“Twenty minutes, come and find us down the barn, we’ll find you some dung to shift or summat.” Smiling broadly, he turns and she hears the stomping of his feet as he heads downstairs. She lifts the jumper into her hands and carefully shimmies it on, joggers following.

Grabbing a scrunchie from the side, she ties the top half of her hair back in a bun, leaving the rest dangling over her shoulders. The bags under her eyes halt her before she can move to leave but her cheeks are rosy and her eyes still bright in her reflection, so she steels herself and shuts the bedroom door behind her.

*****

“Those boys ran you ragged, sweetheart?” Lisa’s standing at the sink rinsing off a lettuce when Vanessa appears through the back door, pressing one foot to the back of the other in an attempt to get her wellies off. 

“You could say that yeah.” She waits for the woman to turn, her face splitting into laughter when she sees the streaks of mud painted across her cheeks and the strands of straw sticking haphazardly out of her hair. 

“Oh you poor sausage, what on earth did they do to ya?!” She places the lettuce back in the strainer and moves it over to the draining board, hastily wiping her hands on her apron before grabbing for the nearest clean cloth and dampening it.

She lightly grabs Vanessa’s chin in her hands, still giggling as she wipes at the dirty marks. Lisa hadn’t taken long to treat her in the same way she’d seen with Sam and the others, checking whether or not she’d eaten and making a brew too strong when she sensed Vanessa was feeling off. It felt so vastly different to any form of mothering she’d ever experienced. The lack of permanent tension, no judgemental looks when she appeared each morning without makeup, no hard stares when she helped herself to another portion of anything. It felt nice. 

“I was clearing out the pens with Sammy and went to hop the fence to head back to the barn, foot got caught, fell flat on my face didn’t I?” She laughs at the image replaying in her mind while Lisa rinses the cloth out at the sink. The woman eyes up the now-dirty bandages silently but Vanessa’s smile doesn’t waver. “It’s okay. Be more at home in a circus than a farm, me!”

“You dafty, go and get yourself in a hot shower and your tea will probably be ready by the time you’re done.” Lisa opens the small window above the sink with a sharp shove and leans forward to yell out.

“Oi, wash up in half hour please!” Her bellowing no doubt heard from Zak and Sam’s position in the outhouses, she pulls it shut and turns back quickly to wink at Vanessa before she can take off at a run up the stairs.

*****

Vanessa can’t sleep. She’s been trying for what feels like hours, staring up at the swirling plaster of the ceiling, tracing patterns with her index finger from one corner of the room to the other. Her steaming shower and full stomach hadn’t seemed to make the process any easier, although her body was ready to rest among the soft linen, her mind seemed impossible to turn off. 

In the beginning, it had been the fear of what she might meet once she let her eyes fall shut, tired of the same stories where she doesn’t get away, where her legs don’t listen and his aim is spot on. Now her thoughts swim, should she be trying to keep in contact with Rhona and Paddy, her mother even, spouting off lies and digging herself further into the shitshow? Should she be trying to get more out of the police, finding out when she can come home, when she can ease the live wire of nerves in her body? Should she resign herself to life here for the foreseeable, make friends, get a new pointless hobby?

She lets out a ragged sigh, shifting her head to the left and focusing on the sky instead for a moment. The blended hue of navy and black is dotted with stars, thousands of them. Some much larger than others, some so small she can’t quite figure out if they’re just a reflection from the moonlight in her mirror onto the window. The sky is always clouded in London, even on a crystal clear sunny day, the pollution leaves a humid, tacky feel to the air. She could certainly never see the stars like this from her tiny flat window, she’s more likely to find kids drinking cider on the pavement or a couple silhouetted in their bedroom, screaming at one another as the backing track to her sleep.

She makes the decision before she can question it, grabbing her coat from where it’s hanging on a skewed hook on the back of the door. Her tartan pyjama bottoms and long sleeved t-shirt aren’t exactly a combination ideal for the early hours of the icy morning. Maybe if she can get closer to the stars she can remember that she is actually here, really here. Maybe she can even gather some semblance of a plan to keep at least a fraction of her old life together while she tries to figure out how to be everything she’s supposed to  _ be _ here.

She manages to avoid the worst of the creaky steps, only gaining a quiet groan from the last few as she hops down and heads to the back door. She pulls on her wellies, wincing when she feels the cold of the plastic meet her barely covered toes. Taking a few seconds to ensure the door has clicked gently behind her, she pulls the coat zip further up as she heads into the night. 

Just past the outhouses runs a fence, crooked here and there, outlining the stomping ground for the horses. She heads towards it slowly, attempting to make out any large patches of mud or cow pat in the dark so she can skirt around them. She leans cautiously against the wood, silently praying it doesn’t give way underneath her and land her back in the mud for the second time today. A gust of wind pushes her hair in front of her face and she moves to tuck it behind her ears, huffing in surrender as it just blows back to its place, tickling her nose. 

She blinks up at the stars, brighter now, their clarity somehow enhanced by the cool air around her. Eyes darting between the bigger ones, she tries to link together constellations, figure out which one is the big saucepan or the chicken dipper or whatever it’s called. Biology was definitely her calling, astrology could be left to the professionals. 

“Trouble sleeping?” A familiar voice pipes up behind her and Vanessa yells out, so startled she thinks she may have actually  _ left _ the ground she jumps so high. Sat on top of one of Zak’s conked-out tractors is Charity, shadowed slightly against the outhouses but just visible thanks to the vivid moonlight and orange glow coming from her lit cigarette. Her gaze darts quickly between Vanessa and the cottage.

“You tryna wake the whole village!?” 

They both wait on tenterhooks for the lights to switch on in Wishing Well, Lisa or Belle to appear in one of the windows. Neither comes and Vanessa breathes a quiet sigh of relief, finally looking up at the blonde with a shy grin. 

“Zak’s snoring would probably drown out a hurricane, I think we’re fairly safe.” She gets a huff of laughter in response before biting down the ball of nerves in her stomach and deciding to test the waters. 

“What are you doing out here? A way from the pub now aren’t you?”

Charity stubs her cigarette out on the side of the tractor, seemingly unphased at the scorch mark it will leave behind. She tilts her head back ever so slightly, revealing a long expanse of pale skin and slowly lets the last cloud of smoke leave her lips. She meets Vanessa’s eyes now, a smirk joining the glint in her eyes.

“Admiring the view, obviously.” Vanessa feels the heat rise to her cheeks despite the temperature outside. She panics as she starts to search for a response before she watches Charity start to lift a hand and point to the sky. Her smirk deepens as she watches the realisation on Vanessa’s face. “How ‘bout you?”

She decides her brain is too fried to come up with any lame excuses, letting her head droop briefly to the floor before turning back to face Charity. 

“Just trying to understand how to be normal with all this, how I’m supposed to adjust… or act even, I guess.” She kicks the clump of grass at her feet and lifts a hand to fiddle with the zip of her coat. “Dunno. Suppose you probably know how this feels. Wasn’t exactly the plan, all this.”

She whips her head back up when she hears the blonde respond.

“You don’t have the foggiest how I feel, love.” Charity’s voice is sharp, sour like she’s spitting out something disgusting. “You don’t know what’s happened to me, don’t try and act like you do, you couldn’t even begin to understand.”

Regret immediately seeps its way into Vanessa’s veins, a lump now lodged uncomfortably in her throat. So much for a late-night budding friendship. The harsh tone doesn’t do much to help Vanessa’s already-brimming emotions, everything she’d been pushing down below the surface for days threatening to overflow. She can feel the pools that have formed in her eyes about to spill so she turns back to look over the fields, picking anxiously at a splinter that’s erupted from the wood.

She hears a dejected sigh from behind her and the soft thud of feet landing in the mess of mangled grass below their feet. The fence suddenly shifts under her crossed arms as Charity leans her weight into it. She doesn’t make a move to speak, staring out into the dark distance endless ahead of them, her voice is much softer when she breaks the silence.

“I’m sorry. I know you’re running from something just as much as I am, yeah?”

She tilts her head sideways once she’s spoken and Vanessa can feel her eyes burning on her skin. She risks the judgmental look she’ll get for the tears and meets her gaze. 

She’s closer than Vanessa was expecting and it makes her breath hitch in her throat when the green zeros in on her, seeing further into her than she thought she’d allow. Charity’s eyes flash with guilt when the light bounces off Vanessa’s glassy pair and she lets her normal glare fall as she drops her head back down. 

“It’s all a bit shit, just, remember you’re not the only one yeah. If it helps...or whatever.”

Vanessa’s heart lifts back into her throat, shoulders suddenly lacking some of the weight they’d been carrying since Saturday. She can’t help the nervous smile that breaks across her lips, flicking her eyes up to blink away the rest of the tears before they fall. Her voice only cracks lightly as she speaks up.

“I won’t ask if you don’t.”

She turns her head back to face Charity, now with a grin pulling at the sides of her mouth, pleased with Vanessa’s reluctance to push too far. 

“Deal.” She rips the splinter Vanessa had been picking at out of the wood, taking it between her thumb and forefinger before flicking it out into the grass. 

“One small question though,” she continues, raising an eyebrow, smirk not quite as confident as it had been before, “if you’ll be so kind as to enlighten me.”

Charity’s pauses as she watches Vanessa allow her smile to grow, letting out a small snort in laughter as she waits for the blonde to continue. 

“You  _ do _ know my real name, as absurd as it is, so...enlighten me, Sophia.”

She doesn’t know why she hesitates slightly but hopes it makes her look cautious rather than untrusting. If anything she almost blurts it out without a second thought, feeling weirdly as though she could tell Charity any part of her real life and what happened without any pitying looks, any panic that the village would find out, any judgement for her sleepless nights. 

She allows her hazy eyes to focus, dead set on the piercing ones awaiting her answer. She grins fully now.

“Vanessa.”

Charity doesn’t say anything. Her own eyes suddenly lose any harsh overcast, going soft as they observe the girl in front of her. Vanessa feels suddenly self-conscious under the careful watch and lifts her bandaged hand up to move the knotted hair back out of her face, and when she does, the Charity’s expression shifts again. 

The blonde is cautious, gentle even as she raises her own hands, looking for a silent confirmation before she slides one hand up to hold Vanessa at the elbow. She turns the aching hand over in her own, attentively checking before moving to fix the safety pin where it’s slipped, digging hard enough into Vanessa’s skin to leave an imprint next to her thumb. Vanessa can’t think enough to wonder how she hadn’t noticed it herself.

She’s sure Charity should be able to feel her shaking slightly under her touch. The care with which Charity handles her arm makes her warm blood sing and when fingertips meet her own bruised ones, it feels as though she’s getting one of her overly fuzzy jumpers out of a tumble dryer. Static. A shock, almost.

She hears Charity inhale shakily and looks up to find her smiling anxiously, letting her hand stroke Vanessa’s slowly before pulling away shy. She pushes herself off the fence and scours the ground for something to look at before giving up and allowing herself to meet grateful eyes. The blonde watches Vanessa swallow and sighs sharply as she shoves her hands back in her jeans pockets. She starts to step back gradually but doesn’t turn back towards the cottage, pausing for a second.

“I’d better head off, before Chas uses that freaky sixth sense and realises I might not be back to help her with the drayman.” 

She rolls her eyes but Vanessa can see she’s still hesitant.

“God forbid you be dragged into helping, could always stay here and help me muck out the stables at six?” 

Charity smiles at her properly then and Vanessa feels like someone’s given her a swift punch to the stomach. A nice one. Charity finally twists herself to walk away, but not before leaving some parting words.

“Would be better company.”

******


	4. Feeding Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa ventures into the Woolpack for the first time after spending her week tending to some lambs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm uploading this one so late and I have a 9am shift but hey ho, the gays persist.

She doesn’t end up seeing Charity for a week or so. The work is piling up on the farm as they slide into February and one of Zak’s lunchtime ventures past the paddocks has him stumbling across four lambs huddled near a wire fence, two injured with small cuts on their legs and backs. He’d called up for Sammy and Vanessa to help carry them up to the barn, her heart sinking as she’d picked up the smallest one, shivering and bleating desperately in her arms.

She’d spent most of the week sat with Belle and Lisa setting up small timber pens with warm lamps in each corner, the young girl besotted with the smallest one immediately. She spent her time between smaller jobs checking on each lamb as meticulously as possible and drawing on all of her expensive education to try find new ways she could make the animals more comfortable. Belle would watch intently as she lifted the smaller one, now fondly known as Peggy, out of the pen and stretch her across her lap. The smaller cuts on Peggy’s legs would be cleaned with gentle hands and checked for infection before wrapping strips of gauze around them, Belle would also insist on pressing a tiny kiss to each leg before Vanessa could put them back under the light. She gradually started adding Vanessa’s own bandage to the list, promising it’ll help her ‘ _ get better quicker’ _ .

On Friday, Zak taps her shoulder as she’s placing a mug of tea in Sammy’s hand and hikes a thumb towards the rusty Jeep, she raises a brow but as he begins to walk, she follows him without question. The car’s engine rattles and she’s fairly sure the bumpy ride isn’t solely caused by the uneven track leading away from the farm. They drive gradually down into the quiet village, birdsong just audible over the racket with her window rolled down, pulling up outside the vet's practice. Vanessa wrings her hands nervously in her lap but jumps down from the car when Zak heads towards the entrance, holding the door and turning to wait for her to pass through first. Her eyes wander curiously around the surgery when she sets foot inside, a setup so familiar to her, and she briefly lets her thoughts slip to how they must be coping at home with one assistant down. 

A stern looking woman called Kim and her son Jamie run the practice, introducing themselves with firm handshakes once Vanessa has shaken herself out of her daze. Zak had brought the lambs to Kim when he first found them, checking what he needed to be doing for the minor injuries and collecting whatever they suggested the lambs might need. He pats Vanessa on the back with a clumsy hand and explains how she’d willingly stepped up to the plate, quickly putting herself in charge of the dressings and late-night feeds. Jamie smiles wide at her while Kim just raises a perfectly arched eyebrow in what she’s hoping is an impressed expression. 

“We just need to pick up them syringes you were on about and some new dressings if we can, Kim.” Zak’s thick accent and bumbling mannerisms painting a stark contrast to the woman with her shoulders up to her ears in tension. 

They leave shortly after they’ve arrived, arms full of lamb supplies and a promise from Jamie that he’ll call Zak to check in next week. They open the boot and slot the various paper bags into the gaps available between pairs of old wellies, jump cables and dust-covered toolboxes. 

“Got something stuck up her backside, that one. He’s alright mind, keen, bit of a mummy’s boy if y’ask me.” She lets out a chuckle at his comment as she moves to open the passenger door, grunting when it doesn’t shift on her first pull. It whines open on the second but Zak’s rounding the bonnet before she can heave herself up into the seat. 

“Ey not yet kid, Lisa wants some bits from the shop, the rabble are coming for a roast Sunday and she’s out of gravy and the lark.” He watches her shut the door again and waits for her to fall into step as they wander slowly along the tarmac, eventually seeing a sign for ‘ _ David’s _ ’ appear and they turn in that direction. There are fresh flowers outside on a colourful stall with bright petals catching the sunlight and a scattering of advertisements in a small window, local teens offering babysitting services and a new customer discount at the salon over the road. A quiet bell sounds above the door when Zak pushes his way inside, causing the guy behind the counter to raise his head from where it’s stuck in a newspaper and lifts a hand to greet them. 

After his quick introduction to ‘Sophia’, Vanessa starts to wander the shelves while Zak asks David about the craft beers perched on a wooden crate in the corner. She’s eyeing up some sickly-sounding chocolate bars when the bell rings out again, Chas and Marlon appearing a second later in the narrow aisle next to her. 

“Oh hiya love, how ya doing?” Chas smiles warmly at her while Marlon reaches to the top shelf running along the back and retrieves a multipack of crisps, undoubtedly just for himself.

“Alright yeah, thanks, just been helping Zak with the lambs. Not the worst job considering Sammy’s stuck flinging the cow pats while I’m otherwise occupied.” She grins, chuffed she’s finally managed to get promoted from her all time  _ favourite _ job.

Chas snorts out a laugh, “Good, although the smell of his BO being replaced with cow muck isn’t exactly what we were hopin’ for. Maybe a Lynx set…” she matches Vanessa’s grin then.

“You free for a bit? Me and this idiot were heading back to the Woolie for a lunchtime pint if you fancy?” Chas wiggles her brows and Marlon just holds up the bag in his hand.

“I can offer you crisps, the pints are on Chas.” He nudges her shoulder and winks down at both girls.

“The pints are  _ always _ on Chas.” The brunette huffs but looks back to Vanessa for an answer.

“I mean I was dragged out here by Zak so I should probably check he doesn’t need me for anything before I swan off…” Before she can finish, Chas has an insistent hand wrapped around her elbow, heading for the shop door before shouting over her shoulder.

“Uncle Zak, we’re nabbin’ Sophia for a pint down the pub, she’ll be released later!”

She just about registers his grunt of approval before they’re back in the chilly air and wandering over towards the Woolpack. 

*****

It’s considerably warmer in the pub, soft lights lining the walls and a hum of chatter exuding from the few groups packed in eating lunch. Chas and Marlon head straight for a plush booth along the side of the bar shouting out as they go.

“Three pints of your finest ale please, Charity.” Vanessa’s head whips up at the name, focus no longer on the plates of steaming food dotted around the tables. Charity doesn’t even lift her head from where she’s already pouring a pint, blonde curls hanging down loosely in front of her.

“Wow a ‘ _ please _ ’ and a pint for myself, is this my lucky day or are you already bladdered?” She reaches for another glass before wrapping a hand around the pump again. Vanessa kicks into gear, shirking off her jacket and shoving it on the seat between her and Chas.

“Pint’s not  _ for  _ you dick’ed.” Chas waits for Charity to look up, confusion drawn all over her face, before throwing an arm around Vanessa’s shoulder. She raises a hand meekly in a wave and tries not to let the furious blush work its way from her neck to her cheeks when the blonde grins in response. 

“Replaced me already have you? Big boots to fill you’ve got darl.” She finishes pouring the last pint and places them in a row along the bartop, Marlon leaping out of his seat and attempting to balance all three as he brings them over to the table. 

“Big gob, more like.” He gets a muffled ‘ _ shut up _ ’ from Charity as he settles and pushes Vanessa’s pint over to her. 

She smiles in thanks and takes a small sip, wiping the froth from her upper lip as Marlon pipes up again.

“So, are you more feisty than you look or were you clumsy before you started falling over fences at the farm?” She gives him a look of what must be bewilderment as he nods down to her bandaged arm.

“Oh, I-” she stammers, starting to panic as she realises she doesn’t know what she’s supposed to tell them, “it’s nothing major.” 

Marlon tilts his head in disbelief and continues, “Bar fight? Jealous lover?” His eyes light up in excitement as he sprouts new ideas every few seconds. Vanessa starts to feel her chest constrict, not able to find an explanation amongst the images clouding her brain.

“Car accident?” A puddle of blood. “Bank robbery gone wrong?” The doors slamming shut. “Mexican standoff?” Shots flying through the air, glass embedded in her flesh.

She’s picking at the skin on her fingers, heart hammering behind her ribs as she panics. A waft of a familiar scent passing under her nose and a hand slamming down on the table breaks her train of thought and Marlon’s tirade.

“Short stack, the box of crisps I need for stock fill is in a bloody maze of crates and I’ll need someone the size of my thumbnail to wiggle in and fetch it for me. Would you be so kind?” 

Charity’s smile doesn’t meet her eyes, instead Vanessa finds an urging look and an outstretched hand. She takes it without a word and glances briefly at a horrified looking Chas who wastes no time in shoving an elbow sharply into Marlon’s side. Vanessa doesn’t have time to hear his pained response before she’s being pulled upwards.

She expects Charity to stop once they’re past the door to the bar but she continues, dragging her further through the door to one of the back rooms. She hesitates for a second before dropping Vanessa’s hand and heading over to the kitchen counter. Charity’s brought her back to what looks to be their living room, a large grey sofa sits to her right and she pauses momentarily before perching on the edge of the cushions.

She hears the blonde flick the kettle on but she doesn’t turn to face Vanessa as she speaks.

“Sorry, just looked like you needed an out. Couldn’t have you ripping all the skin off your fingers and putting off the punters.” She turns then and leans against the counter as she lets her gaze flicker over Vanessa, almost like she’s checking that she’s still in one piece now that they’re out of the bar.

“I…” she shakes her head and lets her mouth turn up in a soft smile, “I did. Thank you.”

The mugs clink together as Charity grabs them down from the cupboard and she reaches for the teabags, a small sliver of her bare back visible as she gets them down. She pours the water in and fetches the milk from the fridge on her left before turning back with two steaming mugs in her hands. 

“Look, they know  _ all _ of my business and it still doesn’t stop them poking their noses in where they don’t belong.” She passes one of the teas to Vanessa, it’s far too strong for her liking but she can’t find it in her to mention it, mind too busy noting how their fingers brush lightly for more than a split second.

“How do you manage with them like that? Does it not cause problems, everyone knowing each other’s secrets and life stories?” she lifts the mug to her lips, blowing gently on the steam as Charity takes a place next to her on the sofa.

“This village is like a women’s coffee morning, everyone gossips, everyone is related to someone somehow, secrets never last long.” She scoffs gently before looking up at Vanessa, her eyes determined but not hard. “Don’t let anyone pressure it out of you though, tell ‘em what you want but don’t let any of them hound you ‘til you break.”

Vanessa breathes in deeply, nodding slowly as she takes her first sip. She remembers what Lisa told her, they would get to know whoever she chose to show them. 

“Or I’ll just threaten to bar them all, that’ll keep their mouths shut.” Her own mouth lifts in a mischievous grin but her eyes show no sign of joking. Something flutters in Vanessa’s chest, her tea sticking in her throat for a moment before she can swallow.

They stay quiet for a bit, content in comfortable silence while they warm their hands on their mugs. For some bizarre reason, it’s the most at ease Vanessa’s felt since being in Emmerdale. The cottage is cosy and the Dingles have made her feel like nothing other than one of the family but something about Charity’s presence brings this wall up around her, a good one, a wall that keeps all the shit out. All the feelings of guilt, fear, pain...they all feel a bit further away when she’s around. 

She can feel a set of eyes on her as she places her mug on the coffee table and she risks a glance up. Charity is raking her eyes down the length of her left arm, chewing on the inside of her lip.

“How’s the arm?” she looks as though she is going to reach out but her hand stays firmly where it is.

“Better, thanks. Zak’s been helping me but it’s starting to hurt less now, I can dress it myself at least.” Vanessa pulls gently at a frayed edge of the bandage near her thumb, twisting it tightly around her finger before snapping it.

Charity doesn’t seem to want to push to find the source of the bruises but her eyes are still full of concern, she watches as a finger edges out to point at the bruising around her knuckles.

“You sure you had it checked out? That bruising could mean you fractured something you know. Shouldn’t be out there throwing chicken shit about the pens if you’ve fractured something.” She smiles but Vanessa can’t look away from where her fingers are lightly tracing one of the yellowing marks on her ring finger. She hopes Charity can’t hear her gulp as her skin twitches under the touch.

“Yeah…” she clears her throat, sighing before she carries on, “they had someone assess it at the police station. No fractures but it is taking an age to heal.”

She notices Charity’s eyes widen slightly at the mention of the police station, evidently not expecting Vanessa to say anything more than a yes or a no. She acknowledges the confirmation with a soft smile pulling at the corners of her lips. Vanessa presses down slightly on a few different patches she knows are covering fresh scars, only wincing minutely when she does so.

“Think the combination of all that bruising and the imprints of those glass shards has made quite the ugly spectacle of me now.” She breathes out a laugh but it’d be obvious to anyone that there was no humour behind it, not really.

She doesn’t feel the finger approach until it’s firmly hooked under her chin. A feather-light tug pulls her face in the direction of Charity’s firm gaze. Her eyes are set, gleaming with some sort of rage yet Vanessa can sense it isn’t quite aimed at her.

“It’s not ugly, Ness. You’re the furthest bloody thing from ugly.”

Vanessa feels her heart in her throat at the admission. She can’t seem to form a sentence, she can barely get past the feeling of Charity’s fingertip still resting under her chin enough to calm the hairs on her arms that have sprung up at the compliment. By the time she’s with it enough to register the nickname, she can only spin round towards the door in slight panic.

Charity lets her hand fall back towards her side and rolls her eyes at Vanessa’s frantic movement. As sheepish eyes return to her own, she shakes her head lightly.

“Door’s closed, I’m not that stupid, don’t worry your little head.”

Vanessa mentally scolds herself for ruining the moment and tries with everything she has to pour gratitude into the look she gives the blonde. A small victory when Charity tips her head back to lean against the cushion, grin prominent across her lips.

She doesn’t move her eyes from the ceiling when she speaks again.

“Just...go easy on the farm, yeah? Zak’s not exactly tuned into people’s feelings and pain, he might push you too far without realising, even if he does know what’s under those bandages.”

Vanessa lets her eyes indulgently roam over Charity’s features as she shifts herself back up to face her. The sharp edges and seemingly constant indifference is slightly blurred when Vanessa sees these soft moments for what they are, this girl cares, actually cares, about her pain. Mentally and physically, she for some unknown reason wants to ensure she’s okay. They barely even know each other and yet she’s acting like Vanessa is worth something more than a simple roof over her head. 

“Charity, I’m going easy, honestly. Zak rescued those lambs and I’ve got myself the horrendous job of looking after them. The most aggression my arm is getting is affectionate licks and some lifting getting them in and out of their pens.”

Charity’s eyes match her content smirk now. She lets out a low chuckle when Vanessa continues, her excitement climbing in every word.

“They’re so sweet, they’re like the tiny little toys you’d get when you were a kid. They just lay there all cuddled under the heat lamps and oh my god the  _ noises  _ they make when they realise they’re about to be fed. I’d stay there all day with them if I could.”

She blushes slightly embarrassed when she trails off but Charity’s growing smile reassures her that she didn’t come off as completely pathetic and soppy. They let the quiet fall between them again, Vanessa’s brain in overdrive watching the serenity mix with the anger that always seems to be lingering in Charity. She can see a hair out of place at the back of her head and has to stop her itching fingers from reaching out to smooth it down. 

Charity is something else. Vanessa has known and occasionally been with her fair share of attractive women, but everything about the girl in front of her fills her veins with something completely different. Every line is razor-sharp, making the muscle in jaw even more visible when she clenches it in frustration. Her hair frames her face perfectly, no matter how many times she runs her hands through it or shifts it from one side of her parting to the other, it falls back beautifully. Her lips are bitten to shreds but they’re full and dark. Her eyes feel like they set something alight when she looks at Vanessa, a sort of emerald green that she didn’t know existed. She’s snapped out of her stalker staring when she has an idea.

“You should come see them. It might melt some of your oh so cool exterior.” She smiles wide when Charity looks at her in mock offence, eyebrows shooting up her forehead. She leans over and shoves at Vanessa’s good shoulder before slumping further into the cushions and shrugging.

“Might take you up on that offer. That is if Chas can ever be bothered to get her arse back behind the bar.”

A knock comes at the door but it’s being opened before they have a chance to invite the person inside.

“Chas isn’t on shift.” Chas looks momentarily puzzled at the two of them sitting so comfortably with each other but she quickly brushes it off and shoots Vanessa an awkward smile.

“I’m sorry about Marlon, Sophia. Cain was right when he said he’s got that foot in mouth disease.” Vanessa laughs and goes to shake her head but Chas isn’t done. “Look, we’re just glad to have another nutter to add to the pack, right Charity?”

Vanessa glances back and grins as Charity simply nods and smirks in response. 

“It’s alright Chas, really, I know he didn’t mean any harm.” She gives Chas a sympathetic look and the brunette’s shoulders seem to lower in relief. 

“D’ya wanna stay for another pint? On me, or rather, on Marlon.” She jerks her head back towards the direction of the bar and rolls her eyes. Vanessa sees then how alike to Charity she can be.

“Nah I’m alright, thanks though. I’m on feeding duty  _ and _ babysitting duty this afternoon so I should head off. Belle’s probably already renaming the lambs as we speak.” The girls both snort at the idea. “I dunno how I’ll feel going back to a flock named after the  _ sodding _ Tweenies.”

They laugh together for a moment before Vanessa reluctantly pushes herself to stand. She takes a few steps towards the door, getting a friendly ‘ _ later’ _ from Chas and a squeeze on the shoulder. She glances back towards Charity as her cousin goes over to the kitchen table, getting a wink and a small wave that makes her stomach flip before she lets the door handle turn in her hand.

*****

“Gentle, gentle Belle. You’ve got to hold it up a little bit like this or the milk won’t get to them, see?” Vanessa tips the bottle in the girl’s hand up towards the ceiling, smiling when she feels Belle tense in an effort to keep it at the right angle.

“That’s good, see, he loves you!” Belle shrieks in laughter as the lamb pulls away from the teet, taking a second to lick madly at her cheeks.

She pushes up from her crouched position in front of the pair and wanders back over to the pen where Peggy is lying asleep. She leans her forearms on the timber surround, letting her head fall to her arms as she scratches lightly at the lamb’s ears. The sun is disappearing quickly, bathing the barn in a soft amber light through the open door. She turns back to Belle, watching as she adjusts Marco carefully in her lap, trying her best not to jolt him and the bottle.

She approaches slowly and places her hands on Belles crossed knees, stroking Marco’s ears gently.

“Okay kiddo, he’s almost done and then we’ve got to get you back up to the house okay?”

Belle frowns deeply and tries her best puppy dog eyes, determined for Vanessa to let her stay and help settle them. They have the same argument every night, and yet every night she tries regardless.

“But Soooph…” she whines, “how is Marco gonna know I love him if I’m not there to kiss him ‘night.”

She reaches her hand out and laughs as she places Belle’s hair back behind her ears, wild from Marco tugging on the ends of it with his teeth.

“He’ll know, course he knows. I’ll give him extra kisses so he doesn’t miss out okay?”

“Does that offer stand for everyone or just Marco?”

Vanessa spins on her heel and almost falls butt-first back into the straw. Charity is leaning against the barn door, silhouetted as she stands in the light from the evening outside. She rolls her eyes in an attempt to recover from the shock and lifts Marco from Belle’s arms, placating her whines with a stroke to her head.

“Marco only sorry, he’s wounded don’t you know?” She grins as she walks over to place him back in the pen, taking only seconds to flop down with his full belly next to his sister. Charity smirks as she stalks into the barn to watch.

“Also, are you just hell-bent on scaring me to death on this farm? I’ll be having a heart attack in a few weeks time at this rate.”

She averts her eyes from the sleeping pair and her grin falters when she sees how close Charity is standing. Her hoody looks too big for her slim frame but somehow it suits her down to the ground.

“Sorry sweetheart, clearly we need to get you a thicker skin, ey?” Her eyes show she’s joking but Vanessa still pokes her tongue out like Belle in response. 

“Right you, come on. Lisa’ll be wondering where you’ve got to. You know what time it is.”

She watches as Belle starts to jut out her lower lip, whining out a “noooo” as Vanessa confirms, “Yes my angel, it is time for you to hit the hay, well the other hay, it’s bedtime.”

Vanessa reaches out for her hand and Belle takes it, her trembling lip receding slightly when Vanessa gives her a quick squeeze. She turns them both back towards Charity who is standing watching the interaction from her place by the pens.

“You alright here for a second while I run her up? I don’t want to let her wander on her own, even if it’s not that far.”

Charity’s eyes are soft, far too soft, and she crouches down next to Vanessa to pull Belle into a quick hug.

“Course, night kid, make sure you sleep cos Marco will be waiting for you bright and early tomorrow, five o’clock I think Sophia said?” She grins wickedly up at Vanessa while Belle nods her head manically. 

“Oh nice, really nice, thanks for that.”

She attempts to ignore the thump in her chest when Charity winks. She pulls gently on Belle’s hand, leading her out into the evening and strolling up towards Wishing Well. Lisa greets them at the back door and Belle is soon scooped up into her mother’s arms, rubbing her eyes as she gives in to her exhaustion. 

“Our Charity’s come down, did you see her on the way?”

Lisa’s smile is almost knowing and Vanessa can’t help the blush that crosses her face, thankful for the orange glow covering her flushed skin.

“Yeah she’s come to see Marco and Peggy while they’re healing. Think she’s a sap deep down.”

They both chuckle and Lisa places a hand softly on her cheek, squeezing affectionately before putting her hand back on the door frame. “Night darlin’.”

She approaches the barn door as quietly as she can, peering around the rough splintering wood to watch the blonde off guard. She’s bent over the pen, mimicking Vanessa’s earlier position and her hand isn’t visible past the frame, most likely getting licked by an enthusiastic Peggy. She slips through the gap in the entrance and tries to keep her steps light to avoid crunching on the straw below, moving gradually closer to Charity. She can’t help but notice how relaxed she seems, her shoulders are slumped back, void of tension, while her grip is slack and her chin resting on her elbow. Vanessa is almost enjoying it too much to ruin it, almost.

“I thought I was the one supposed to give Marco his bedtime kiss?”

Charity stands immediately, stumbling to the side for a second as she recovers from the head rush. She glares in Vanessa’s direction, holding the palm of her hand to her chest but there’s a grin threatening to escape her and Vanessa can see it so easily passed the pissed-off facade.

“Fair’s fair I guess, I won’t push you into the hay bales for that one.” Her breathing back to normal, she settles down on one of the logs next to the pen. Vanessa ambles over to her and sits down in the vacant spot on the other side of the log. Charity is watching Peggy as she sniffs at her brother’s wounds, eyes fixated on the two of them almost in awe at the easy nurturing. 

“You’re good with her...Belle.” Charity’s voice surprises her and Vanessa stammers for a minute before she can get out her words.

“She’s easy to be good with, she’s sweet and so trusting.” Her voice is quiet, suddenly aware of the silence surrounding them. “It can be nerve-wracking though, it doesn’t waver, could be a risky one when she grows up.”

Charity doesn’t move to face her immediately, eyes still zoned in on the peaceful pair below. She seems to sense the hesitation in Vanessa’s voice as she eventually turns her head, leaning on her left cheek and letting hazy eyes find her own in the dim light. She looks more comfortable here, perhaps that’s why she’d been on the farm last week. Maybe she shares Vanessa’s need for the open space to gather her muddled thoughts into coherent decisions.

“I don’t think she’s in any danger trusting you, Ness.” The nickname catches her first this time, the ease with which it’s said. The only person to ever call her that before had been Rhona but it’s usually whined at her or scolding her for something. It’s never said like it belongs in the person’s mouth. Never like this.

“Why’s that?” She doesn’t know why she asks, she doesn’t even know what to expect in return. But Charity moves to sit upright then, her hips shifting so she’s opposite Vanessa, eyes uncharacteristically dopey in a way that makes Vanessa’s world shift slightly on its axis for a minute.

“You’re kind. I can’t picture a situation in which you would push someone’s trust, their boundaries. You consider people.”

Her next words are rough when Vanessa allows them to leave her mouth, “You barely know me, how could you possibly know whether or not you can trust me like that?”

It isn’t until she feels delicate fingers on her knee that she recognises Charity’s gentle shift forward along the log beneath them. It seems to trail a shock through her nervous system from her thigh up to her crown as she shivers in reply.

“What I know...I like. And it’s rare, don’t get me wrong, but I wouldn’t mind knowing more.”

Vanessa’s heart thrashes wildly against her ribcage, her breath stuck so high in her throat that she resigns herself to the silence, unable to speak up. Her eyes catch a flash of worry as Charity cautiously raises a hand to her jaw, seemingly asking for some sort of permission.

She manages a small smile, lifting her bad hand to gather some strays and place them behind Charity’s ear, letting her fingertips dance along the soft skin of her cheek before retracing their steps and sinking further into her hair. She tugs as delicately as she can, hoping Charity catches on and it seems that’s all the confirmation the blonde needs.

She slides her hand down Vanessa’s neck and pulls her in, lips parting softly under her own. It’s far more gentle than she would ever have expected from Charity but she folds under the touch in seconds. Lips brushing over each other again and again, Charity lets out an involuntary whine when Vanessa runs her good hand into her hair as well, grasping the back of her head and urging her forward so she can run her tongue across Charity’s bottom lip. She’d granted access without a second thought and the feel of the blonde’s tongue warm against her own sends a tremble through Vanessa, caught easily by a smug Charity when she pulls her lip gently between her teeth. 

Their breathing is laboured when they pull apart, foreheads resting against one another. Vanessa can’t seem to wipe the shy smile from her face and it only deepens as Charity sits up, grinning at her like the cat who got the cream. She lets her hand stroke up and down the expanse of Vanessa’s neck, reveling in the goosebumps she leaves in her wake.

“I’ve never been more glad to be willingly surrounded by the smell of cow shit.” 

******


	5. A Sunday Lunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa tries to perform heroics during Sunday lunch and it goes so very wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another longer one with more dialogue, finding the balance is a tricky feat I haven't mastered so bear with it. Enjoy!
> 
> here’s my twitter I barely use: @bee_isaac

They’re setting the table for lunch when Zak decides it’s an appropriate time to drop the bombshell. She’d awoken that morning to a tiny hand tapping what she  _ thinks  _ was supposed to be gently on her forehead, the only part of her body that had been visible above the duvet she’d been buried under. 

“ _ Soph _ ?” An exaggerated whisper had broken a smile across her face and she’d reached out quickly for Belle’s hand without opening her eyes, causing the girl to erupt into a fit of giggles. Lisa had managed to keep Belle contained for a good few hours before sending her up to wake Vanessa, the time on her phone showing ten thirty by the time she’d swung her legs over the side and joined them for a late breakfast.

Lunch had been agreed for two this afternoon and it wouldn’t be long before the pack of hungry, slightly aggressive hyenas burst through the door, Lisa having pointed out while checking the potatoes that it’s the  _ one time _ her lot are never late. That and when there’s a piss-up on the cards.

She’s squinting at the table and counting the sets of cutlery when he sidles up next to her, placing the salt and pepper down at the head of the table. He tries and fails to clear his throat.

“Um, so, I had a call this mornin’ from that fella at the station.”

She loses track of how many glasses they’ll need when the words sink in fully. She’s picturing them, Coffee Guy and the sweaty one, and she’s immediately bombarded with an array of possibilities. They’ve caught him. He’s dead. He’s been sent down for forty odd years. He’s killed someone else. 

He’s found her.

“Oh.” She moves to watch Zak as he chews nervously on his lip, running one hand roughly over his beard. “Uh..what did he say...is everything alright?”

Zak’s quick to respond, eyes widening as he notices the sheer anxiety masking her face.

“Yes, yeah, all fine. He wanted to see how you were gettin’ on, whether you’d had enough of us yet probably.” He chuckles, trying to lift some of the tension out of the air. 

He must realise it’s done little to ease the pressure in Vanessa’s lungs and so he turns to her, placing a callused hand on her shoulder.

“They couldn’t tell me much darl, only that their investigation is still goin’ and they feel they’re makin’ solid progress.” She’s sure he feels her slump under his palm, patting gently in sympathy. “I told them you were makin’ yourself right at home, eating all our grub, getting blotto down the pub, the usual.”

She snickers at that, picturing the painfully dull officers taking Zak’s monotone muttering seriously, thinking twice about where they’d shipped her off to. 

“It’ll come, love. It always feels like a bloody aeon before you hear anything good, but it’ll come, promise ya.”

She manages a weak nod and a thanks before excusing herself to get changed - “Can’t have the Dingles taking the piss out of my jammies can I?”

She sits down on the edge of her bed slowly, a hand coming up to wipe at the dry corners of her mouth. Her knees jitter as she tries to calm the unsettled feeling in her gut. 

Nothing, they had absolutely nothing. She’d hoped she’d at least get to talk to them herself, rather than being bypassed like a child. She deserved to know whether or not she was coming home, whether or not her life could still be in danger. She’d sent generic texts to Rhona and her mother, lying through her teeth about her whereabouts and trying to act like everything was completely normal. But how long is she expected to keep all of this up? 

Admittedly, she’s not exactly desperate to leave Emmerdale behind at this point. The chaotic family she’s becoming a part of, the beautiful countryside at every turn, the sarcastic blonde who makes all her nerves stand to attention. They’re all far more appealing than her manic schedule in a city full of frowning businessmen. She secretly hoped her days of watching Netflix alone in their dingy flat were over, grimacing at the damp covered walls shaking when Rhona had Graham round for the night. 

But right now, she’s in a strange sort of limbo and it’s beginning to make her feel like she can’t possibly belong anywhere, not really. She can’t go home, she can’t settle here, both holding the risk of being found by a man with malevolent eyes. She eventually resigns herself to the fact that her stubborn nature and frayed nerves will have to wait, she hasn't got a lot of choice anymore, she can’t push anyone for information they don’t have. 

She shuffles over to her chest of drawers, rifling through her abundance of yellow clothing to try and find something the Dingles can’t rip into at lunch. Satisfied with her more worn denim jeans and a faded green jumper, she pulls the ponytail out of her hair and shakes the kinks out before reaching for the door handle.

*****

Charity is late, really late. She slams the door open with enough force to have it groan on its hinges, throwing her flimsy jacket on the back of the sofa before dropping down into the seat next to Sam. Forks pause in their journey to open mouths as she neglects to even share a hello, choosing instead to seize the jug of gravy silently and start on her food. Vanessa gulps down her mouthful of chicken as she watches in anticipation, waiting for someone to say something, ask if she’s okay or even change the topic. No one does. They sit in eerie silence for a while, Lisa and Zak sharing knowing looks, Vanessa studying her from afar and silently urging her to look up. 

Gradually the conversation sparks up again as Aaron recounts his latest footy games for his captive audience. Laughter trickles in here and there as the family gets distracted from Charity’s solemn mood, attention drawing away from where she sits now poking the scraps of her dinner around the plate. Her scowl’s been replaced by a look of utter defeat and Vanessa can’t ignore the feeling of her stomach dropping to her feet in dread. 

She’d selfishly hoped that the next time she’d be around Charity, they’d share a flirty look or two, disappear behind the outhouses for a while, brush hands now and then when they could afford to do it discreetly. She’s still selfish now as she ponders the idea that this is her fault. 

Maybe it’s something she’s done, maybe she should have made an effort to talk to Charity after Friday night, prepare themselves for how they’d act around each other today. Maybe she’s pissed she didn’t text or call. Or worse…

Maybe she’s regretting being stupid enough to want Vanessa for a brief moment. Maybe she’s realised she wants nothing to do with Vanessa and her painful sob story. Maybe she’s figured out that Vanessa is actually a fairly boring prospect.

She doesn’t linger long enough on those options, the thought of them making her palms sweat and throat ache.

Eventually they all start to move from the table, the boys balancing too many dishes in their hands and dumping them unceremoniously next to the sink, Chas and Aaron tucking chairs under the table, Sam and Belle deciding to check on the lambs together, leaving the cottage hand in hand. 

Vanessa hovers for a minute, watching a still Charity sitting in her place, eyes not moving from the same spot they’d been on all afternoon. She debates chancing a conversation, an offer of her adequate listening skills. Chickening out before that thought takes hold, she moves quickly over to the kitchen, grabbing a fresh tea towel from the counter and drying whatever Lisa has passed her from the sink. 

Lisa hands over a dripping plate, looking on with pity as Vanessa glances back to the figure alone at the table. “Her trial, it’s had a holdup. She’s been waiting weeks for this and yet each time she thinks they’re moving forward, she gets knocked down.” Relief floods her chest for a second before the guilt hits hard, too bloody wound up in her own problems to remember she’s not the only one here out of need.

They’re making small talk about the village when Belle bursts into the room. Her eyes wide and hand gestures frantic, she runs to Vanessa’s leg and pulls desperately on her jeans. She furrows her brows and glances at Lisa looking for an explanation but the older woman is just as confused by the small ball of hysteria at their feet. Sam appears at the door, leaning on the frame and panting out of breath when his sister starts to shriek.

“Soph you need to come! You need to come now!” heads spin towards the commotion as Vanessa bends down to meet the girl’s eye level. 

“Belle, calm down. What’s going on?” she clasps both of Belle’s shaky hands in her own and watches her inhale deeply before rushing out the rest.

“Marco’s leg is broke, he can’t walk Soph. He’s crying.” Vanessa’s eyes widen and she searches for Sam to give her some form of context.

“It’s his splint Soph, the wood’s snapped so he’s not moving much, his leg’s too weak.” His face is just as crestfallen as his sister and Vanessa brings herself back to full height, keeping Belle’s hands tight in her grasp. The smaller of the lambs had started to show signs of infection Saturday morning in a deeper gash in his leg; Kim had brought up medication for him but he’d stopped putting weight on it, hobbling around in reluctance to bear the pain. 

It had broken Vanessa’s heart watching Marco struggle, giving up halfway across the pen just to slump down in the straw. She’d found some kindling in the house and used one of Zak’s many tools to whittle down a small splint she could use to support his leg, having seen pictures of them in one of her first-year textbooks. 

He’d wriggled and wailed when she’d attached it but as soon as he seemed to realise he could stumble around without pain, he’d flailed around the pen in excitement. It wasn’t the sturdiest of solutions and so Vanessa isn’t exactly shocked but the look on Belle’s face has her heart in two. She brushes her hands down her jeans and looks back to Sam.

“You two go and settle him, I’ll find more wood and make him a new one.” She smiles as Sam reaches his hand out for his sister, nodding down at her while she attempts to sniff back the snotty tears that have appeared. 

“C’mon Belle, you can give him a cuddle while Soph fixes it yeah?” the girl nods furiously, tugging her brother out of the door before he can smile back at Vanessa. She turns to face Lisa, getting a gentle look in return while she points out of the open door and speaks pointedly.

“Kindling in the outhouse, toolbox still in the barn from this morning. Be careful.” Vanessa shoots her a grateful smile and pulls her wellies on hastily, tugging the sleeves of her jumper down to brace the cold.

She crosses the few metres of sludge to the outhouse Lisa had pointed out. There’s a padlock undone through the handles and she tilts it to slide it out of place. One of the doors is uneven so it jams in the mud as she yanks on it, eventually giving way and opening onto benches and shelves full of  _ stuff _ . There’s a workbench at the back with an upside-down trike placed on top, most likely having lost its stabilisers months ago and abandoned halfway through repairs. Cardboard boxes line the side walls, labelled with fading Sharpie  _ “wheel nuts”, “wire”, “extension cords” _ . She scours the floor looking for the wood store but comes up empty. Scanning the shelves that climb up the walls she eventually reaches the rafters, angling her head back and managing to pick out the shape she’s looking for in the dark of the roofing.

“Right, well, not gonna reach that am I?” she mutters under her breath and steps back through the open doors to round the side of the building. A ladder is leaning up against the spackled wall, a smaller one she’d watched Zak place there a few days ago when he obviously couldn’t be bothered to drag it the few steps into the outhouse itself.

She wraps her right arm around its width, grunting slightly when she lifts it from the ground and edges over towards the side of the main doors. There are two tiny hatch doors in the roof, painted black like the larger ones below, and she shifts the contraption from side to side until she’s satisfied it’s in line enough for her to lean in and grab the kindling.

Her legs feel unsteady as she climbs, the metal freezing cold on her bare hands. It creaks in complaint under her weight and as she reaches the doors, she rests one hand on the roof to balance herself. Undoing the rusty latch, she tugs the door open to find a pile of wood stacked carelessly on the boards where it’s keeping dry. She locates the smallest pieces that will take less adjustment to fit Marco’s leg and tucks them tightly under her left armpit, digging into her ribs so she can focus on getting back down the ladder. 

She’s a few steps down when the ladder jolts, heart leaping into her throat like she’s dropping from the peak of a rollercoaster. She flicks her eyes to the ground, cursing to herself as she realises the legs have slid into muck from their precarious position in the uneven grass. She inhales sharply through her nose and holds on a bit tighter as she descends again. She makes it another two steps before her feet disappear from under her, the ladder toppling sideways as she realises she’s falling.

*****

A sharp cry pierces the atmosphere in the cottage, all heads whipping towards the door. Lisa looks back at the group gathered in a mess of limbs on the sofa, counting heads before speaking in question.

“That’s not our Belle.” She reaches for the doorknob but as she twists the door open, a mess of blonde rushes past her. Charity’s out in the cold before she can open her mouth but she instantly recognises the tiny figure sprawled in the dirt, worry flooding into her chest. Lisa calls out for Zak while jabbing a finger at the boys and holding up several sets of work boots. 

“Look sharp, we’re gonna need some help.”

Charity pulls up to a sudden halt when she reaches Vanessa, an uncomfortable clench surrounding her heart at the sight in front of her. The smaller blonde looks so pained, crumpled on her back with a filthy bandaged hand bent awkwardly behind her. There are silent tears falling down her flushed cheeks as she struggles to open her eyes and all she can feel is the burning of her skin where some scars have broken open. That and a gentle grip on her hip bone, unmistakably Charity as she ceases her worried pacing. Vanessa can’t seem to focus her gaze, her eyelids wanting to remain closed, but she can hear more voices now, one force stronger above the rest.

“Why in the hell wasn’t Sammy getting the fucking kindling? You lot just oblivious to the fact she’s actually still injured? The big bandages and that not enough of a clue?”

Charity’s spitting venom at the crowd now gathered around them, concerned faces staring blankly back at her. Chas leans down to Aaron’s ear, pushing gently on his shoulder as he nods and grabs Belle’s hand when she appears with Sammy at the top of the track. Vanessa hears a panicked squeal of “ _ Soph” _ before the voice fades again, walking back towards the house, Zak’s gruff replacing it immediately.

“Charity, Soph's a big girl, she came down here of her own steam love. Ladders a bit rickety is all, we’ll get her inside.” Vanessa is still trying to open her eyes properly, a blur of legs all she can make out as she tries not to whine.

“I mean, she’s not a big girl is she Zak?! She’s bloody miniature! I know  _ you’d _ have barely felt it but clearly she has.” The hand on her side squeezes harder when Charity shouts and her voice breaks a little in her frustration. Vanessa can’t help but notice the sear in her chest at the knowledge the blonde does care, regardless of her own mess. 

In an effort to diffuse the situation, she attempts to lean up on her right elbow, hissing as she fails miserably and mutters out a string of hideous words. Charity’s insistent hand and Lisa’s gentle scolding stops her before she can try again.

“Woah madam, where d’ya think you’re off to? Try and relax darlin’, Zak and Cain are gonna bring you inside so it might hurt for a tic okay?” Vanessa steels herself for the ache she’s going to feel in her shoulder as the boys ready themselves at either end. Cain’s bark doesn’t ease the anxiety filling her frame.

“Move your arse Charity, can’t bloody lift the girl with you clinging on with your talons.” 

Vanessa feels fingertips reluctantly slip away from her skin as the blonde rises to face him. “I swear to God Cain, drop her and I’ll drop you.”

Pain ricochets through her body as she feels herself being lifted, Zak’s hand placing as little pressure as possible on her left side as they trudge up the damp path and through the open door. It seems like an age before she’s being lowered into soft pillows, tears still falling at the burning sensation in her arm as a shaky hand pushes her hair back from her face and retracts again.

Marlon’s apprehensive murmur comes from somewhere in the corner while Vanessa tries to blink away the haze, wanting nothing more than to let the pain seep away and sleep. 

“Lis, surely we should be calling the doc? She can barely stay awake, what if she’s hit her head n all?” Lisa is quick to dismiss him, a calming tone washing over the sea of nerves filling the cramped room.

“We don’t need anyone asking questions we don’t have the answers to, love.” She gestures to Vanessa’s bandage where patches of red are bleeding through the thin material. “I’ll handle it.”

Vanessa presses her eyelids firmly together, opening slowly to find the world around her a little clearer. She can just about see the woman sitting close in front of her, holding her arm carefully to stop it from wedging between the sofa cushions. A familiar blonde shadow catches in her peripheral vision, lingering awkwardly while Lisa assesses her broken state.

“Sophia sweetheart, I need ya to stay awake if you can.” She manages a weak nod in response, attempting fruitlessly to pull her lips into a smile. She breathes in and coughs immediately, winded by the fall and feeling as though her lungs are shrinking when she tries to bring the breath steadily back to her body.

“Mm fine, just slipped, s’all.” Her slur doesn’t seem to placate any of her spectators, instead seeing several heads tilt in disapproval.

“Just slipped?! You shouldn’t have been up there in the sodding first place!” The anger radiating from the blonde is lessened marginally by the obvious waver in her voice.

“Charity, wind your neck in yeah? Make yourself useful and go get her dressings, the bag’ll be in her room somewhere.”

That’s when Vanessa's attention zeros in on the searing pain shooting through her arm, her lungs feel tight again but this time they’re being suffocated by her frustration. She’s spent the last weeks following all the routines, asking for help when she didn’t want it, waiting with the patience of a fucking saint just for her to rip apart all her progress. It was healing, she was healing, a fading reminder of those blood curdling memories attached to the punctured, battered skin. She can’t help the inward gasp and hot tears that escape. Lisa’s creased hands run thumbs under her eyes.

“I know it hurts love, be brave. Zak’s fetching the strong stuff from the cabinet alright, it’ll kick in quickly.”

A packet is shoved between them, right under Lisa’s nose and she can just about make out a hovering Charity through misty eyes. She steps back and stands just out of Vanessa’s view, choosing to brood near the arm of the sofa, above where her head rests heavily. Lisa pulls eagerly at the bag, removing the fresh bandage in the same way Vanessa had done every day for the past two weeks. She leans forward, pinching the silver safety pin together, pausing in her motions for a second before releasing it. She glances around the room carefully before looking Vanessa straight in the eyes, understanding flowing between them.

“Soph, love, do you want some privacy?” Vanessa considers it for a moment, the peeling back of the material hiding the  _ one _ thing that reminded everyone why she was really here. Horrified looks as they catch a glimpse of her wounds, pink scars now fresh flesh, a medley of colours staining her otherwise creamy white skin. Panic rises in her chest and she tries fiercely to quell the bile as it makes its way up her throat. As her breathing quickens, Cain makes the decision for her.

“Look, we’ll be outside alright, give us a yell if you want anything fetching.” He looks pointedly around the group and shoves at Marlon’s shoulder, filtering out of the back door before turning back to the only one left. He stares Charity down, eyebrow raised in expectation and Vanessa refuses to move her glassy eyes away from the blonde. She’s hit with the anguish as soon as Charity looks down at her, watching as she swallows harshly before she speaks, voice hoarse.

“Go. I’m staying.”

Cain produces a generous sigh before shaking his head and following the others outside to the back. With a small smile and a second’s more pause, Lisa pinches the pin again, slipping it from its hold in the bandage’s layers. She hears a quiet gasp from her right when it begins to unravel, blood becoming a deeper shade of red at each sheet that’s removed. Revealing her arm, Lisa places the mangled pile to the side and reaches for the alcohol and cotton pads. Her arm is now mostly mottled greens and yellows with a few fresh purple marks appearing near her elbow, her polka dot scars turning her stomach as she realises the scarring will definitely stick now. The pressure of the pads is barely felt over the agony of the sting, her eyes watering as she lets out a broken cry of pain. 

Charity is by her head instantly, crouched down now and resting a gentle hand on her forehead to stroke circles into the wispy baby hair at her temples.

“Hey. You’re alright, it’s alright.” Her voice is soft but cracked, evidence of emotion threading it’s way through the words. “It’ll be over soon.”

Lisa works as quickly as she can once it’s clean, taking gauze patches from Charity’s other hand and keeping them tightly in place with a fresh bandage. Once the pin is in place, she places a finger under the material to ensure it’s not going to rush all the blood to Vanessa’s hand and she squeezes lightly before helping her sit up against the cushions. Her side aches and her arm stings beyond belief but then Lisa is placing both warm hands on her cheeks, wiping away tear tracks, and the strain in her body ebbs slightly.

“Go on, go up love. That’s quite enough excitement for today don’t you think?” Her smile is kind as she nods towards the stairs. “I’ll bring you a brew and those painkillers in a tic once I’ve found Zak.”

She manages a grin which probably seems more like a grimace before standing, wheezing briefly in pain and gently waving away the hovering hands around her. She shuffles slowly to the stairs and tries to ignore the way her muscles scream as she lifts her first leg. She doesn’t turn back but sighs gratefully as Charity stands stock still at the end of the sofa, eyes following her but knowing to hang back for a while. 

Clambering carefully into bed, she eases onto her back as she pulls the duvet up to her chin with her right hand. She blinks twice, three times, before giving in and letting the remainder of her tears fall. She’s so annoyed, so furious at having this dragged out even longer. Why did she not think, why did she not take more care setting up that ladder, why did she not just look somewhere else when she couldn’t find it at ground level? Why did she have to make the one decision that would land her back in this state, bruised and battered and full of self pity?

She risks moving her arm slowly, trying to stretch out the muscle before letting it fall back on top of the covers, the pain sapping her energy in seconds. She passes her good hand through her tangled hair and exhales as she tries to sink further into the bed, rolling cautiously onto her right side. 

As she comes face to face with the door, she notices a pair of filthy black boots in the entryway. She drags her eyes up torn jeans and a skimpy black strappy top before reaching blonde locks and eyes full of worry. She’s holding a mug in one hand and a box of tablets in the other, bouncing one leg nervously as she decides on her next move.

“Delivery.”

Vanessa tries to smile through the ache, the upturn of her lips just reaching a genuine level despite the pounding of her head. It’s enough to encourage Charity inside and she watches her kick off her boots before padding over in unexpected fluffy socks that make Vanessa’s heart soar.

She drifts for a moment before sitting warily on the edge of the bed, placing the items on the table, careful not to disturb Vanessa’s position. She’s still but her arms shoot out when the smaller girl moves to sit up, hands raised and trembling, ready to help should Vanessa slump back. She pops the pills out of the plastic casing, handing them over and following with the tea once Vanessa has thrown them back into her mouth. Her eyes go noticeably hazy as Vanessa gulps and she lets her head droop, hands occupying themselves by frantically picking at a hangnail. 

Vanessa feels herself melt at the sight of such despondence, edging her hands forward until she can slink her unbruised fingers between Charity’s, stopping her aggressive pulling. She feels the blonde tense sharply before she relaxes her body completely and squeezes their joined hands for a long moment. She doesn’t look at Vanessa when she speaks, a habit the smaller girl notices rears its head when Charity’s being honest. 

“I’m sorry. I’ve been a moody cow all day and maybe if I’d got out of my own bloody head I would have noticed little miss independent before she went and threw herself off a roof.”

She huffs out a surprised laugh at that, pressing her hand further into Charity’s.

“It was hardly a roof Charity, it was a few metres and I’m fine now. All patched up Lisa-style.” She tries to lift her arm in demonstration but decides against it when the discomfort throbs through her upper body. 

“I’m sorry too...about your trial.” Charity’s head shoots up at that, anger flashing across her gaze in instinct and she moves to pull her hand from their grasp but Vanessa holds on tighter. “I don’t know anything, promise. I just know you got some news you weren’t exactly hoping for.”

The blonde’s shoulders slump once more, eyes turning apologetic as Vanessa continues. “If it helps, I had a useless update this morning too and it’s not exactly simple to just  _ keep your head up  _ like people keep saying.”

Charity’s eyes are a myriad of emotions as she tangles their fingertips so she can rub gently across the unblemished skin. She sighs out a long breath before letting go. Vanessa’s heart leaps in panic, assuming Charity is moving to leave, being pushed too far yet again by someone she never thought capable. But she doesn’t leave.

“Shove over.”

She waits patiently, watchful eyes roaming over Vanessa’s form as she shuffles backwards. Charity moves to press her back against the headboard, feet stretching out alongside the girl beside her until they are gently pressed together from hip to toe. She reaches across again, this time delicately picking up Vanessa’s injured hand instead and running light fingers over the more faded marks. 

“It won’t be like this forever y’know. It’s just a setback, it’s mostly gone now.” Her voice is rough but so obviously considerate as she continues her movements. It scratches at something in Vanessa’s rib cage that she tries to ignore. Her smile is lopsided as she watches Charity’s chest rise and fall in a slower rhythm to before. 

"I know. Plus, the bandages look quite fetching on me apparently.” She nudges jokingly at Charity’s shoulder and sees a genuine smile spread across her lips as she tilts her head back against the headboard with a quiet thud. Her eyes glance over Vanessa’s features with all their delicate lines and it makes the girl squirm under her watch.

“That they  _ do  _ babe.”

Her eyes show nothing but truth and Vanessa’s entire chest blooms with warmth, a heady mix of sheer happiness and comfort at Charity being back in her space. She still had absolutely no idea where they were at this point. After their kiss on Friday, she’d slipped Charity’s phone out of her back pocket and tapped her number into her contacts before watching the blonde saunter back towards the village, a grin plastered across her face. 

But then she hadn’t heard from her and she’d even begun to think she’d completely misread the situation when Charity had ignored her very existence at lunch. She can’t help but note now that she really doesn’t even care about what it all means, what happens now, not like she had worried about. All she knows is that Charity is here, vastly different to anyone she’s ever met and she manages to see right through Vanessa, it makes her shiver in satisfaction every time she does. 

She’s brought out of her thoughts by a velvet finger running down the length of her jawline. Her eyes clear to focus on the emerald shining back at her, staring so openly that everything inside her hitches. Her lungs empty when Charity leans forward and presses gentle lips against the skin under her fingers, once, twice and then she pulls back.

The blonde smiles deeply, more than satisfied at Vanessa’s blown pupils. She doesn’t bring up the way Vanessa lets out a sound of utter contentment when she leans her head down onto her good shoulder.

“You think you’ll be too poorly and mopey to come down the pub tomorrow?” Her voice is teasing but laced with concern that she attempts poorly to hide. 

Vanessa scoffs in offence. “Mopey? Me? Have you met  _ you  _ lately?” She feels Charity’s head shake with quiet laughter as she carries on. 

“I’m sure I’ll be just fine, why? You planning on getting me drunk so I’m even more likely to actually break a bone this time?” She turns her head slightly, the movement slow in her desperate need to not disturb Charity’s place against her.

The reply comes after a long pause, quiet like it means almost nothing.

“No, it’s just...it’s my birthday  _ thing,  _ all the Dingles will just be using it as an excuse to get utterly sloshed so might be nice to have someone sober around.”

She pictures a grumpy birthday girl, bored and slumped over the bar and Vanessa tries not to let her voice portray just how much the invitation makes her chest thrum with pleasure. 

“Course, can’t let your birthday pass without me buying you a disgusting number of shots and letting you embarrass yourself, I need ammo.”

Charity pulls away, Vanessa immediately feeling the tug of her heart as it tries to move with her. It settles back in its place and thuds with a vengeance as Charity places a finger under her chin, stroking lightly and revelling in the way Vanessa seems to purr in response.

“I was definitely wrong when I thought you might keep trouble out of the Dingle household, hey?”

She winks then, the glint in her eye so bright that it brings a smirk out of Vanessa without any effort. Her eyes dart to the blonde’s lips before meeting her gaze again, eyes challenging.

“So very wrong.” 


	6. Happy Birthday To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charity's birthday at the pub gets...interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit longer between chapters this time, work has been manic. Enjoy, apologies for any teasing, don't come for me. xo

The pub is rammed, packed to the brim with Dingles and the occasional disgruntled looking punter trying to weave their way through the crowd, the thought of trying to do the same isn’t exactly appealing to Vanessa right now. She’d had a bad day, pain-wise, not-wanting-to-move- much kind of bad. 

She’d woken up to a text from Charity checking in after reluctantly leaving her to rest the day before. She hadn’t had the energy to formulate a false reply so she’d been honest and told the blonde exactly how she felt, exhausted, awful, frustrated. Charity had brought three little dots up on her screen before she’d even put the phone back down, offering immediately to come round and ditch her decorating responsibilities. Chas had insisted on banners and streamers despite Charity vehemently disagreeing multiple times, she’d lost the argument eventually and was apparently now in charge of around a hundred balloons.

Vanessa had smiled at her screen and thumbed out a quick response to try and reassure the other girl.

* _ Don’t be daft, I’ll be alright. Be knocked out most of the day with these tablets anyway.* _

_ *You don’t have to come later, you should be resting, I can bring you cake if you really feel like you’re missing out.* _

* _ I’m coming, I want to. Few hours kip, be right as rain.* _

The truth is, as soon as Charity had left her side the previous evening, she’d felt like she’d been hit by a ten ton truck. She’d felt everything all at once as reality had well and truly sunk in, she’d let herself cry and mope at how all she wanted was the unwavering calm that Charity’s presence brought her. 

_ *Ness don’t, you don’t need to be around a bunch of flailing drunkards when you’re like this* _

Vanessa had sighed and sat up a fraction in bed, hissing slightly at the sting and tapping out her decision.

_ *I’ll dose up and if I’m too sore to celebrate with everyone, I’ll drop your gift round later. End of.* _

She’d received a one worded  _ “bossy” _ back which made her grin widely and then shoved her phone back under her pillow. Charity’s birthday had released a wave of panic over Vanessa, the blonde had given her less than twenty four hours to come up with something so she didn’t turn up empty handed. She didn’t have the upper body strength right now to make a cake, she had no way of getting into Hotten in the state she was in, and god forbid she take up Belle’s suggestion and make a friendship bracelet. 

_ Happy Birthday Charity, here’s some brightly coloured string. Please still want to shove your tongue down my throat even though I’ve given you this xoxo Ness  _ \- Yeah, no way.

She’d managed not to hurt the little girl’s feelings too much in dismissing the idea by asking her to find as many stickers, paper and coloured pens as she could. Belle had immediately taken off at a sprint, returning to Vanessa’s bedside with the entire contents of her craft cupboard and watched as she’d tried to figure out something,  _ anything. _

She’d been in two minds about it once it was finished, a hand drawn map of the sky with all the constellations she could find on Google, something for Charity to look at when she was perched on top of a tractor at two in the morning. Belle had prattled on in her ear about how beautiful it was but in reality she briefly considered binning it before sucking it up and wrapping the damn thing before she could change her mind.

Most of the day had been spent putting cold presses on her arm and hot water bottles on her side, Lisa making cuppa upon cuppa to help soothe from the inside out. She was hurting, yes, but then she went and pictured Charity all solemn in the pub. Probably being made to pour the pints on her own birthday, enduring the cat-strangling karaoke while nursing her own drink and leaning against the bar alone. The face she pictures isn’t a happy one and so an hour late to the party, Vanessa made her decision. 

She’d seen Lisa and Sam head out the door with fairly casual clothes on earlier when they’d left her with Belle’s Disney movies and a bowl of soup. She’d eventually gone upstairs and wandered over to her chest of drawers, pulling out dark jeans. She spent a stupid amount of time trying to slip into them with one good arm and had started to feel a little more human once her navy top had been tucked in, cinching her waist and clinging tight up to the thin straps at her shoulders. Easing down onto the stool of her desk, she’d reached out for her make-up bag and smeared on the best face she could manage. She risked her liquid eyeliner, just about making it sharp enough on the tails so no one would notice how wobbly the start looked, it was questionable but it distracted from her tired eyes.

Running anxious fingers through her loose waves, she’d decided the pain of holding her arms in position to straighten her hair would have done her in so she’d simply grabbed a jacket and the barely scuffed ankle boots by the door, shoving them on before leaving the house. 

Now she’s standing like a lemon in the doorway, watching Zak throw back the dregs of his pint while Faith and Marlon belt out a _ choice _ rendition of an Earth Wind Fire song. Her hands are gathered awkwardly in her pockets, the gift wrap rustling under her arm while she scans the crowd in front of her. She can’t see a single trace of Charity and she feels the ball of courage in her chest deplete quickly, the overwhelming noise, the rancid smell of ale, the heat of the stuffed room all have her taking a step back. Before she can turn, a mass of blonde pops up from behind the bar, bottles of tonic in hand. Charity places them on the bar top, popping the caps off in two swift motions and collecting the change from Bob before he creeps back to his small table for two with a displeased grimace slapped on his face.

She turns back from the till, her sullen sigh stopping part way as she catches Vanessa standing nervously at the door. Her face breaks out into a wide appreciative smile as she rakes her eyes over Vanessa and leans effortlessly on the bar, jerking her head in a nod to urge her closer. Vanessa doesn’t hesitate now, shivering under watchful eyes before wandering over to the free bar stool in front of her and perching on the edge. 

“You came.” The grateful look on the blonde’s face melts Vanessa slightly and she watches as Charity’s hands creep across the bar to play with the end of her bandage. “You alright?” Her eyes flicker up to Vanessa’s and she gives what she hopes is a reassuring smile, flipping their hands so she can catch Charity’s fingers between her own.

“I’m fine, be better with a pint.” She gets a grin for that and Charity reaches below to grab a glass from the shelf, pulling down on the pump to her left so that amber slowly draws to the rim. 

“What’re you signed up for then?” She continues as Charity’s brows raise, “Whitney? Spice Girls? Vanilla Ice…?” smirking she receives a gravelly chuckle as the blonde pushes her pint towards her. She gives Vanessa a pointed look when she offers a five pound note across the bar.

“Put that away. And wrap up those ideas of me singing too while you’re at it.” She reaches over to grab two empty shot glasses that have been dumped on the side, stacking them neatly in the dish rack that’s already brimming.

“Oh but Charityyyy….”

“No, nope, no thanks kid.” She shakes her head and pauses to wink discreetly at a pouting Vanessa. “Wouldn’t say no to a cheeky serenade though, bit of birthday Marvin Gaye…?”

“Ha!” Vanessa throws her head back in a cackle before fixing Charity with an amused glare. “You would regret saying that about two seconds after I opened my mouth.”

“I  _ highly  _ doubt that but I’ll let you off the hook,  _ if  _ you buy me a drink, your choice.” She looks challengingly at Vanessa, her arm moving to gesture along the back shelf at the bottles filled with clear and golden liquids, many familiar to Vanessa as she remembers her messy early university days.

She grins and lifts a finger to point. “Vodka. You may be getting old but that doesn’t mean you can’t drink like a bunch of prepubescents in a park.”

Charity laughs and grabs the bottle down, pouring herself a full shot. She lifts it and clinks it gently against the rim of the half-full pint glass in cheers before downing it in one, not a wince or gag in sight, only darker eyes opening onto Vanessa’s once the liquid is burning down her throat. Something stirs in Vanessa’s stomach like molten lava at the heated look and she moves to speak again when she gets an unwanted poke in her aching shoulder. She can see Charity’s jaw tense hard for a second but she allows Vanessa to turn to the perpetrator without saying a word.

A broad, dark-haired bloke is stood leaning on the bar, mop of greasy hair falling in front of his face. He has days-old stubble covering his chin and a sickly smile across his mouth as he raises his eyebrows in her direction. Vanessa doesn’t say a word, choosing instead to stare at him in expectation as she brings her good hand up to rub gently at her shoulder.

“Marcus, I work with Cain up the garage.” He gestures over to the pile of human sulk in the corner nursing a whiskey. “You buying then?”

She looks down at his scruffy shirt and loose jeans before meeting his shuddersome gaze. “I  _ was, _ birthday girl benefits.” 

She doesn’t turn her head to catch Charity’s eye but she can practically see the holes being burned into the guy’s forehead as she feels her sidle up closer on the opposite side of the bar. The blonde scoffs in displeasure behind her when he tries again.

“Was my birthday last week n all, do I get a shot?” 

She tries not to pour as much patronisation into her tone as she feels. “Maybe I’ll catch you  _ next  _ year instead, yeah?” She’s been far too used to this after 6 years as a student and the look of indignation that passes over his face is not new. He plasters a grin back on his face, determined now.

“Maybe you could catch me next week? Might even buy you a pint myself if you’re lucky.” Somehow he seems to think that this has Vanessa hook, line and sinker but the snap from her side quickly rids his face of its victorious sneer.

“ _ Her _ lucky?! You’re lucky she hasn’t told you to get on your bike already. Where the hell did you learn to flirt, North Yorkshire Academy for self-important pricks?”

Vanessa snorts into her pint and has to bring a hand up to cover her mouth as she tries to recover. She finally glances back to Charity, brows pulled together in a scowl and the muscle in her jaw jutting out more prominently now.

“Charity, no one asked you, love. How ‘bout you get us some shots, let us get nice and merry and we’ll see you ‘round yeah?” He places a heavy hand on Vanessa’s shoulder, seemingly oblivious to the pain that shoots down her arm, rippling out into her fingers where she clenches into a fist.

She moves to dismiss Marcus the charmer but is met with a pained shout before she can speak. Now removed from her shoulder, Charity has his hand in her hers, her muscles taught and knuckles white as she crushes his fingers. Her voice is low and Vanessa’s chest thumps wildly at the sound.

“If you haven’t managed to get her not-so-subtle hints into your thick skull, then maybe you’ll understand this..” She leans closer to him as he bends further under the pressure of her hands. “Turn around, get the fuck out, and...if you try to touch her again without her say so, I will find you and cut your bollocks  _ clean _ off. Slowly.”

She lets go of him at that and Vanessa watches the blood rush back to his hand as he brings it to his chest, wincing as he shakes it off and glares at Charity. “Fucking psycho, she’s not even worth the hassle.” He turns sharply and stumbles back through the front door in a string of curse words.

Vanessa turns fully, observing Charity staring at the door before she’s realised that eyes are on her. She’s almost vibrating with anger but when she turns back to meet bright blue, her eyes soften. “You okay? If he’s hurt your arm more than you’re lettin’ on then...well.. I know where he lives.”

She lets out a gentle laugh and reaches out to rub her thumb over the tension in Charity’s jaw until she feels it go slack. “As much as I would  _ love _ to see you rip him a new one, I’m fine, thank you.”

“Emmerdale’s finest, that one.” The blonde shakes her head in disbelief at his actions and turns to refill Vanessa’s pint glass.

“Actually, I’m okay. The painkillers are pretty strong and I don’t really fancy passing out on you on your birthday.” She follows the movements as Charity places her empty glass in the dish rack instead and grabs an orange juice from the fridge.

“Yeah, especially not before I get my gift!” She wiggles her brows and looks over to the end of the bar where the small wrapped gift lays untouched, hopping up and down in exaggerated excitement until Vanessa leans over.

“Oh I see, only interested in one thing, the  _ cheek _ !” The familiar settled feeling in her body turns to one of nerves as she remembers what the package contains. She hands it over reluctantly and stutters slightly, “Look, it’s a bit naff but you only gave me a day and I’ve been bed bound for most of that.”

Charity’s look is affectionate as she starts to pick at the sellotape. “You didn’t even have to, no one else bothered.” Vanessa frowns as she scans the room full of people who could have made an effort, the blonde’s only gift would at least be something more than a shite rendition of Happy Birthday.

Charity opens the gift so slowly it starts to pain Vanessa, she can see the smirk hidden behind her curls and sighs loudly at the teasing. Eventually the corners of the paper are folded back and Charity pauses, rolling out the map delicately and inhaling sharply. The paper is coloured with as much precision as Vanessa could manage, having sensibly given Belle other jobs, a deep navy sky dotted with white constellations in their respective positions. Each one is labelled correctly and she’s added a short description of what they’re supposed to mean so it doesn’t seem quite as pointless as she thinks. A line at the bottom reads “ _ For when you’re sat on the farm at two am, have a look around.” _

Charity hasn’t spoken in a worrying amount of time and so she starts to reel it back in, lungs stretching in an attempt to keep her flustered breathing under control. “Told you it was naff, just reckon you spend more time out there than anyone probably and you’ve got a lot on your mind right now so could be nice to try and…”

“Ness…” she whispers.

“...I dunno, just look around and find them, the labels should be right but who knows, it’s me so I’ve probably got them wrong…” her pitch is climbing now and she’s on a roll.

“Vanessa…”

“I used to think that one was the chicken dipper so I wouldn’t be surprised…”

“Vanessa, shut up.” 

Charity’s voice is just low enough to go unnoticed by the rest but it has Vanessa’s attention in a millisecond. Her eyes dart up and her heart thuds as she recognises the emotion in the blonde’s gaze.

“Come with me, will you?” she moves towards the back before Vanessa can blink and she has to break into a light run for her little legs to catch up. She rounds the bar and makes her way to the back room, assuming it’s the right direction with the door ajar and light bleeding through.

“Charity, look, if you hate it then...oh.”

She’s pushed back against the door the second she steps through, one hand firm on her hip while another wraps carefully around her bandaged arm, holding it in place. Charity’s face is suddenly so close to her own that she momentarily forgets how to breath, lungs aching for oxygen. The blonde’s tongue darts out to wet her lips as she shakes her head, her voice rough as she speaks barely louder than a whisper.

“You’re something else you.” A tremor runs from the base of Vanessa’s neck to her toes as the uneven tone breaks through her skin like a knife. She can’t do anything more than let out a sharp gasp as soft lips seek out her own.

It’s more than before, so much more, hands gentle but possessive as they slide from her sides into her hair, scratching at her scalp just hard enough for her to let out a low whine. Charity’s tongue runs slowly across her bottom lip and she parts them enough to let it slide hotly over her own. She can feel her knees buckle slightly at the sensation and Charity growls deeply in response, tugging gently at the hair at the nape of her neck and encouraging Vanessa to move her own hands into blonde tresses.

As she runs her hands through long curls, she feels Charity slip her hands to wrap around her waist, grip not tight enough to hurt as she pulls them flush together. She crosses her own arms around Charity’s neck as strong hands clutch softly at her sides and pulls her head closer, feeling the kiss consume her completely when Charity’s pulls a lip between her teeth. 

They pull away slowly, Vanessa feeling the pant of breath against her mouth as they try to pull themselves together. Risking a glance upwards, Charity’s eyes are black and Vanessa feels something pool low in her stomach at the sight. Her own voice shakes as she breaks the silence.

“So...you like it then?” she smirks as Charity’s eyes flicker to her lips.

“Yes Ness, I like it, I really bloody like it.” She’s watching the blonde intently and she teases, biting harshly on her lip until Vanessa’s body hums in reply. “Here I was thinking you were going to offer me something completely different…”

Vanessa frowns, her nose brushing gently against Charity’s as she waits for an explanation. The other girl removes herself, pulling away gently despite the groan of protest from Vanessa and she cocks an eyebrow as she glances down. Following her line of sight, Vanessa feels it at the same time she sees it, a gentle hand grazing the skin above her waistband where her top has come untucked. She pauses for a second and slowly raises her head back to a grinning Charity, mouth forming an ‘ _ oh _ ’ in recognition.

She swallows harshly, “I mean...surely that would be a gift for me, no?” She watches closely as Charity’s eyes sparkle with mischief, a hoarse chuckle leaving her mouth.

“Oh sweetheart, trust me, it would be mine.” She doesn’t move to start anything, instead choosing to search Vanessa’s eyes for some sort of permission. She waits a minute before dragging a hand up her neck, revelling in the way Vanessa’s eyes flutter closed at the touch as she tips her head back. Charity’s voice is quieter when she speaks again, closer now.

“Let me show you how grateful I am, Ness.”

Her body trembles as she opens her eyes and manages a nod to the green pools staring back at her, Charity wastes no time and kisses her again. Her hands fly out to the blonde’s waist to pull her back in as she feels her suck lightly on her tongue, letting out a whimper when their hips meet firmly. Vanessa feels the loss immediately when Charity leans back to pepper kisses slowly down her jaw to her neck, groaning as she finds her pulse and latches on. She kisses softly over the mark and pulls further away, Vanessa’s wide eyes urging her back.

“Relax babe, just don’t want anyone getting an eyeful of disheveled  _ Sophia, _ do we?” 

She reaches up onto one of the higher shelves in the cabinet to their right, rattling around until she produces a key. She slips it into the keyhole and turns it slowly until it clicks in the lock. She waits a second to test the door handle and then she’s back on her, lips trailing fire down her neck and hands moving up to frame her ribs. Vanessa gets another hungry kiss, feeling the heady groan vibrate in Charity’s throat as her good hand reaches around to palm over tight jeans. Deft fingers flip the button of her own and her breath hitches, catching before she can let out a desperately needy moan at where she knows this is going.

She feels the air around them shift as Charity crouches down, pulling the zip with her slowly as she goes. Vanessa hears the rumble in the blonde’s chest as she pulls the dark material apart enough to catch a glimpse of black lace and she releases a breath she didn’t realise she’d been holding. Before the delicate fingers tracing her waistband can pull the denim down further, they’re jolted from their position by a violent bang on the door.

“Oi, if you two want cake you best hurry up! Candles aren’t gonna blow themselves out!” Chas’ voice booms through the wood and Vanessa huffs out a laugh while trying to get her breathing in check. Charity’s head flops forward to rest on Vanessa’s hip bone and she grumbles under her breath.

“Happy sodding Birthday to me.” They hear footsteps return to the bar as Charity raises back to her feet, adjusting Vanessa’s jeans so she’s some semblance of a put together woman.

Vanessa takes the blonde’s chin between her thumb and forefinger, tilting her head to face her so she can give her a lopsided grin. She kisses her soundly, drawing a content purr from the other girl as firm hands return to her hips.

“ _ Trust  _ me, I’m not exactly thrilled either.” She shifts uncomfortably at the tension unreleased in her body and glares at Charity as she chuckles quietly. “But if this cake is the most effort they’re going to make with you today, we should go.”

She gets a resigned nod in agreement and so she takes the lead, squeezing joined hands gently before placing a final chaste kiss on swollen lips, letting Charity reach around her to unlock the door.

*****

An hour later and the Dingles are the only ones left in the pub, singing now just a jumble of sounds rather than lyrics and someone has produced a welly from somewhere. Charity and Vanessa are sat pressed firmly together in a booth near the bar, watching as the group begin to slow down, alcohol taking its toll as eyes droop and words slur. A gentle hand is resting on Vanessa’s thigh under the table, slowly stroking circles onto the inside leg of her jeans.

She moves to interlink their fingers when Charity speaks up, barely audible over the rim of her pint glass.

“I get more news tomorrow, on the trial, they’re wanting it wrapped up by the end of the week.”

Vanessa turns fully to face her then, hands not slipping in their hold as she brings her knees up slowly to rest against Charity’s legs on the seat, wincing a fraction as she does so. The blonde’s eyes zone in on her side and she puts her drink down on the sticky table to place the now vacant hand over her aching muscles. Vanessa smiles at the action and lets her eyes focus.

“Charity, you don’t have to, you know. Just cos we’re...well...you know I care more than I think you even realise but...you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to.” She tries to put as much sincerity behind her words as possible as she meets dark eyes. She knows straight away that Charity can feel the pull in her chest just as much as she can, the rest of the room fading away.

“I’ve seen your scars sweetheart, ‘bout time I bared some of mine. I don’t feel pressured to, I swear.” The corners of her lips turn up in a trusting smile as Vanessa squeezes their joined hands. She tucks a few wild strays behind Charity’s ear and her heart sings as the blonde leans into the contact. Her eyes close as Vanessa voices her question.

“When are you gonna hear?” The eyes opposite her remain closed as she responds, a sigh escaping ahead of the words.

“The morning, I hope. They’re getting some final witness statement from the  _ one _ copper who isn’t corrupt in that fucking place.” She breathes in slowly, filling her lungs before letting her eyelids flutter open to meet Vanessa’s careful gaze. She smiles gently before dropping her eyes back to their laps, twisting fingers to pick at Vanessa’s flaking nail varnish.

“Long and short of it, one of them made my life a living hell at the time I was supposed to be the most free. When I should have been cared for.” Vanessa is patient and doesn’t move to react in case she speaks again, that is until she feels Charity start to tense in anticipation.

“A policeman?”

“Yeah, pretence of a safe space and all that. Happy life.” She laughs but it’s cold, “They’re not all innately good, out to save the world or anything, most of them just abuse the power they’re given.”

Vanessa can’t stop herself, she reaches out and pulls lightly on Charity’s chin until clouded eyes focus on her blue. “Charity...I’m not gonna tell you I’m sorry or try and pretend for a second that I know exactly what you’ve been through. But I will say that you’re pretty fucking incredible and I think whoever has hurt you deserves every shred of suffering they get.”

Her voice doesn’t waver and she feels a surge of pride at the grin it brings to the blonde’s face. Her eyes begin to water but somehow Vanessa doesn’t think every tear in her eyes is for her sadness. 

“The tiny power house has spoken, has she?” She manages a wink and it makes Vanessa smile widely. “Incredible might be a stretch darl but I won’t argue too much.”

She tilts her head forward an inch until their foreheads knock gently, the grin on Charity’s features growing. “I won’t push it too much either, don’t want your head getting big.”

They enjoy their bubble for a minute or so, allowing the wash of drunken yammering to flow around them while they trace fingers across warm palms. Vanessa is watching the way a perfect curl frames Charity’s face when an idea crosses her mind.

“Come to the farm tomorrow.” Charity’s brows knit together before she continues. “I’ve got gentle lamb duty with my dodgy arm during the day but maybe seven-ish? I’ll save us dinner and bring it down to the paddocks.”

The blonde smiles properly now, green sparkling back at Vanessa until it turns to a signature smirk. “My  _ my _ , are you asking little old me to dinner Miss Sophia?”

“If you bring beer, then yes, yes I am.” 

Charity laughs and turns dramatically to gesture at the full shelves behind the bar. “Sure I can get my hands on some somehow…”

Vanessa glances around, noticing the bodies now mostly slumped over tables or swaying unsteadily to music, turning back and leaning in to place a lingering kiss to a sharp jawline. 

“Got yourself a date, Dingle.”

*****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> will most likely be writing shorter pieces during my month in furlough so feel free to send me prompts, twitter @bee_isaac


	7. A Belated Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charity turns up at the farm for dinner and the two enjoy a belated birthday gift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taken me an age to finish this one while working but it ended up as fifteen pages and way more...interesting content...so enjoy!

* _ Starting to wish I’d left with you last night y’know. If I have to listen to Faith chucking up one more time, I’m out.* _

Vanessa grins widely as she looks over to where her phone is vibrating on the stool to the side of the pen. According to Charity, most of the Dingle clan were nursing hangovers that would put a bunch of cowboys to shame. Zak had fallen asleep leaning against the dartboard, Sammy had spent most of the morning the same as Faith, Marlon apparently pierced something apart from his ears...she was glad to have skipped out on that. 

She’d eventually managed to reluctantly extricate herself from Charity’s hold to head home, leaving with a slightly-too-long kiss to her temple and a ‘ _ 7ish _ ’ before ambling over to the door. She’d been lucky, waking with no more pain that she was already in, taking her painkillers with a brew and had wandered to the barn to start on her day of luxury with the lambs.

Peggy seems as good as new, coat growing nicely to the point where she’s beginning to resemble a small cloud. Marco, on the other hand, had been far more tricky and was still struggling against the offered help, determined to kick off each new splint as it was made. It usually resulted in his leg giving way under him as he suddenly tried to put more weight on it and a new splint would be made, again and again.

He’s hobbling about the pen searching for the food he’s dropped in random corners, front legs still stiff from a days of carrying the majority of his weight. Vanessa watches as he sniffs out a few grains he'd ignored earlier, he starts towards them but slips in the straw, legs splaying out behind him. She grabs under his belly before he can meet the ground and hoists him back into a standing position. 

“Will you stay still you bugger, longer you jump around like that, longer you’ll be stuck in here and not enjoying those glorious fields with your mates.”

Black orbs stare back at her and she can almost see the sense of defiance in the lamb as he scoots closer again, this time to approach Belle’s hand and lick her palm until she squeals. Belle has now adopted Marco to be her own, she announced it to the entire family at the party and had even tried to explain how she would raise him by herself. She’s insistent on feeding him by hand rather than the bowl like Peggy and she lets him curl up in her lap to sleep instead of under the warm lamp like Vanessa encourages.

She’s somewhat glad she gets to use some of her knowledge at Wishing Well and the farm. It’s far less stressful than being at university to study and everyone here seems to think she’s bloody marvellous just for doing routine checks with ease. The week before, she’d got a heavy pat on the back from Zak when he noticed she’d administered Marco’s medication before he got the chance to use the skills Kim had taught him.

It hurts less now, remembering why this is as close as she can get to veterinary practice for the moment, why she’s not being lumped with the tea run at the surgery or checking on the kittens more than she needs to. She knows that she’s left her old life, her real life behind her, yet she can’t help but feel more like this is her world for now, she’s free here. From the off, she hasn’t hidden anything about herself, apart from the  _ obvious _ . She’s not packing her sexuality away in the closet like she does around her mother, she’s not pretending to cope with the overwhelming feeling of everything at the surgery, she’s not putting other people before herself, like with Rhona.

Rhona had always made her feel like she owed her something, whether it was her time or her attention, she took from Vanessa and rarely gave back. Things had improved once they got over their  _ romantic _ situation but she still had a tendency to use Vanessa, helping her study, switching rooms with Paddy so he didn’t have to listen to Rhona and Graham, being a pillar of support when they’d had their eight hundredth argument.

She can’t help but draw comparisons between Rhona and Charity, it was hard not to when she’d found such opposites in her life. Charity gave willingly, as long as she had trust, and she trusted Vanessa. She cared, she treated her injuries like she was a tiny baby bird with a broken wing but she still constantly reminded her that she was stronger than she realised. All that mixed with the fact that she made Vanessa’s heart thrash desperately in her chest every time she so much looked at her, made her pretty different.

Here they’d made her feel at home, like she’s enough, battered and bruised but appreciated beyond comprehension. She’s been made well aware of the village opinion on the Dingles, but from her perspective, they can all go to hell. These weird and wonderful people allow her to be things she’s never been before. An unproblematic daughter, a big sister, a  _ date _ for crying out loud - that one was easily her favourite.

She glances down to where the youngest Dingle is leaning heavily against her side, thumb wedged in her mouth and eyes lazily watching Marco wriggle around, nibbling leftover seeds. She reaches for her phone after a while, looping her good arm around Belle’s shoulders to keep her in place, and taps out a quick reply.

* _ I wouldn’t have complained. Although I don’t think cleaning up Peggy poo at eight o’clock would have made you any happier. _ *

She sends the message off and shoves the phone into her back pocket while fighting a goofy grin. A tug on her sleeve brings her attention back to Belle, the pull is light, the girl evidently having remembered what Lisa had told her about “ _ Soph’s poorly arm. _ ”

“Yes, sweetheart?” Belle’s eyes are tired but content as she sways softly in Vanessa’s hold. 

“Soph,” she says over a yawn, “when can Marco come and play outside?”

Belle’s been asking her the same question every day since the lambs were heaved into the barn in their damp cardboard box. The little lip wobble and shining eyes almost break her every damn time but she knows if they let Marco run then it will only push him further back and he’ll become more restless. She flexes her arm automatically, she knows how that can feel. 

“Not yet darl,” she shakes her head before Belle can protest, “he’s almost walking properly without his splint and then we can try them together out in the field for a few hours. Next week, maybe.”

She strokes Belle’s hair gently and sighs in relief when the little’un just nods, sniffs and snuggles closer into Vanessa’s side. Both their heads turn up when they hear a familiar bellow echo across the farm, bouncing off the walls of each building. She immediately knows that means there’s a steaming bowl of casserole waiting on the table at their places.

“Hey kiddo, let’s head on up, you need to eat before you fall asleep in lamb droppings.” Belle’s face screws up in disgust for a second before turning to her as she holds her arms out in demand. Vanessa simply lifts her onto her hip, adjusting slightly so it doesn’t pull too much on her aching torso, knowing the girl won’t last the whole three minute walk from the barn to the house without complaint. She squeezes her tiny body lightly when she rests her head against Vanessa’s shoulder and they edge towards the barn doors after a final look back at the sleeping pair in their pen.

The table is set with knives and forks the wrong way around - Sammy - and Zak is already in his place when she lowers Belle into her seat. She tucks her chair in slightly and then pads over to the kitchen in Charity’s fluffy socks. She’d thrown them onto the bed on the day of the accident after eventually giving in to Vanessa’s request she goes home to rest herself.

“ _ You’ll need them more than I will if you’re pressing those cold packs against your injuries all damn day.” _

Lisa is at the hob turning everything out ready to eat while Vanessa leans up to a cupboard for the glasses, feeling a tiny swell of pride when she picks the right one, her setting becoming a true  _ home  _ now.

“Do you mind if I take dinner down to the paddocks later tonight? And an extra plate?”

Lisa barely moves her head but Vanessa can feel her gaze freezing her with a knowing smirk. She can’t quite meet her eyes as Lisa speaks up, instead choosing to pull a bottle of orange squash from the side to pour Belle’s drink.

“Why’s that then, you feeding the horses my dinners I’m slaving over?!” Her voice is teasing but Vanessa’s panicking, she can’t quite figure out how to explain that she’s promised dinner to Lisa’s niece, one she may or may not have an embarrassingly large crush on.

She’s just about managing to stop herself from babbling when she lifts her eyes up, Lisa is observing her with a perceptive look, smile pulling at her mouth.

“What time is she coming?”

*****

“ _ Shit! _ ” she’s dropped her eyeliner at least three times now and her hand is only growing shakier each time she tries to smooth out the flicks. She holds her breath tight in her chest as she tries to keep a steady hand, carving out a point before huffing out an exhale and letting the pen clatter back onto the desk. 

She looks over herself in the mirror, nervously flattening out the wisps of hair surrounding her waves. Her face is not exactly done ‘up to the nines’ but she’s managed to bring some colour to her cheeks and frame her eyes so the bags are less noticeable. She pulls her top up at the front so her chest isn’t so obviously on display, it’s off the shoulder cut making it more difficult. Her black skirt is tied in tight at her waist and flows down to her mid-thigh, exposing her tights that she must have checked a hundred times for ladders.

A coat would just about ruin the look she’s going for, so she’s gathered all the blankets she’s managed to find around the house, getting a few weird looks when she almost got stuck head first in the linen trunk on the landing. Everything is crammed into a giant shopping bag and she hitches it up over her good shoulder as she jams her feet into her clean wellies - the  _ less _ flattering element to her farm dinner outfit.

They smack against the wood as she makes her way down the stairs, catching Belle’s eyes on her as she reaches the bottom.

“Soph’s pretty.” Her voice is so earnest that it makes Vanessa smile broadly, flattening her skirt with her other hand as she feels the nerves fly around her stomach.

“Young lady, your dinner’s on the top, we’re eating now so yell up if you want anything.” Lisa nods over to the kitchen counter as she retrieves the rest of the warming plates from the oven. Vanessa leans over to the side of the microwave where a large tray is stood on its side.

Managing to balance both plates on the surface, she eases the shopping bag further up her shoulder before lifting the tray into her arms. “Thanks, Lis.” She gets a wink in return and is swiftly shooed out of the back door. 

She tries to get her nerves under control as she ambles down towards the paddocks, eyes trained on the plates so she doesn’t lose any runaway vegetables. The sky has turned a coral shade as the evening sun has hit the farm and she pauses as she looks up, an oblivious Charity is laid out on a blanket on the grass, leaning back on her elbows as she looks over her surroundings. Vanessa takes a second to watch her, skin glowing in the light and her all black outfit a stark contrast to the bright stripes of the blanket underneath her. She starts to feel like a creep after a while so she clears her throat quietly as she gets closer, Charity’s head whipping around at the sound. 

Her mouth opens slightly as she takes Vanessa in, her eyes dancing as a grin works its way over her features. Bringing her gaze up to meet where Vanessa is smiling down at her, she stares for a while causing the other girl to squirm, but then Vanessa winces, remembering the weight of the bag and tray combined, her arm still aching furiously. 

Charity catches the change and is on her feet in seconds, taking the tray from her arms and placing it on the ground before taking the handles of the bag from her shoulder. She rifles through the contents and pulls out a few more blankets, shaking them out and laying them out to overlap with her own. Safe in the knowledge that their bums won’t get wet on the grass, she turns back to Vanessa, hands immediately wrapped carefully around her shoulders.

“You gonna tell me why you thought it was a good idea to carry all that on your tod?” she rubs her hands slowly across the clean bandage, pressing gentle thumbs into the muscle she knows must ache.

Vanessa lets out a relaxed sigh before trailing her hands down Charity’s arms, bringing her concerned fingertips to lace with her own. The blonde looks at her properly, a tender smile replacing her worried expression as Vanessa takes a moment to appreciate the strong cheekbones and tight black top she’s faced with. 

“I didn’t realise you were already here,” she squeezes her hands intently while moving to bring them down onto the blankets, “now can you stop fretting so we can actually eat this before it gets cold.”

Charity scoffs a laugh before leaning over to a box at her side, pulling out two bottles of pale ale in brightly labelled bottles and twisting the tops with enough force to pop the caps off. She passes one to Vanessa and manoeuvres herself into a sitting position beside her. She’s handed a plate with a sizeable slice of steak and ale pie surrounded by a variety of veg and balances it on her crossed legs and she reaches over for her cutlery. 

They eat slowly, spending more time talking than actually chewing and by the time the last carrot is placed in her mouth, Vanessa notices it’s mostly cold. Charity tells the tales of her drunken family making tits of themselves, Marlon falling up the stairs and Faith waking up cradling a wellie that stank of beer. She laughs until her sides hurt when Charity does an impression of a hungover Chas, head in her hands as Aaron ran screaming circles around her at seven this morning. 

She’d been taken aback when Charity wanted an update on Peggy and Marco, eyebrows twisting into a familiar concerned frown when Vanessa goes into detail on the smallest lamb’s splint issues. She feels warm telling the blonde about how Belle has been helping, how she’s starting to feel like she means as much to that little girl as Belle does to her. 

“She looks at you like you hung the damn stars, actually  _ most  _ of them do.” Charity’s smile is crooked as she tries to reassure her in her feelings. They chat for a while about the Dingles, moving empty plates over to the grass and reclining further back to face each other, Charity’s hair allowing just enough light to peek through that Vanessa isn’t blinded.

“Everyone has their stories about us, robbery, arrests, runaways, but people don’t know us. Not really. Even I stayed on the sidelines til I was dragged back.” There’s a few blades of grass curling over the edge of the blanket and Charity picks them, twisting them between her fingers to try and make a plait. 

“Don’t get me wrong, we’re hard as nails but only cos we have to be. I spent my life looking after myself cos no one else would, Cain’s only been arrested for fights trying to protect the rest of us, even Sammy got caught up in a money scheme trying to bring in some cash when Lisa was ill. We can be trouble, but we care.”

Vanessa waits for a moment before letting out a long sigh, catching the attention of the blonde next to her and causing her to intertwine their fingers as they move their eyes to the darkening sky.

“Look, I’ve not exactly been a menace in my life, was never allowed close. But I can see that’s not your lot, you’re the definition of a family, anyone who sees otherwise is clueless.”

Charity squeezes their hands and rolls gently onto her side to face Vanessa. She doesn’t speak for a moment, analysing the other girl’s profile and letting a smile twitch around her eyes.

“You? Not a menace? Don’t believe it for a second. Caused nothing but trouble since you stepped foot on this farm.” The sarcasm in her voice is evident but Vanessa chooses to play along, rolling gently onto her good side and catching the glint in the blonde’s eyes.

“Okay, apart from falling off a ladder when  _ technically _ I was only up there trying to help poor Marco, what on earth have I done?” she paints on a look of false hurt and has to suppress a grin when Charity scoots closer.

“You’ve ruined my image for one!” Charity states matter-of-factly and Vanessa laughs aloud, bringing it down to a low chuckle as she pushes on.

“Okay...and…?” Charity’s eyes flicker around as if searching her mind for another of Vanessa’s flaws but as she comes up empty handed, a sly smile appears.

“Ha! See, trouble my  _ arse _ .” She shoves lightly at Charity’s shoulder, cackling as the blonde slips before bringing herself back to her seated position. Vanessa’s voice goes low, “ _ Hi, I’m Charity, big bad wolf and truant extraordinaire, I’m tough as old boots and I’ll fight anyone who.. _ ”

Her sentence is broken and she squeals as a hand hooks around her good elbow, yanking her upwards until she’s situated in Charity’s lap. The blonde loops her arms around Vanessa’s waist, scratching lightly at the skin under her top as she catches her breath. Charity’s eyes are darker now and her smile wicked.

“You were saying?” 

Vanessa’s pulse throbs erratically in her throat as she tries to remember to breathe. Her hands move without instruction to the blonde’s neck and she’s snapped back to reality as Charity releases a hum when she tugs at the short hairs at the base of her skull. 

“I was saying,” she croaks before clearing her throat, “that you think you’re hard, but I know you’re really soft, under all that shell.”

Charity’s hands creep up her sides to her ribs, stopping short before they reach the line of her bra and she feels herself shiver under her fingertips. Her smirk is growing larger by the second as Vanessa attempts to keep her cool. 

“And how exactly do you know I’m soft then?” Nails scratch lightly at her skin and Vanessa feels herself arch into the touch before she can stop it. She needs to take back some element of control or she’ll crumble.

She tugs harder at the hairs causing Charity’s head to tilt back unwillingly and she lets her eyes flicker to focus on the blonde’s as she closes in. Green darkens as she refuses to break contact until the last second, allowing herself to grin and she dips in to catch Charity’s bottom lip between her own. She lingers for a second before pulling back enough to let her tongue move gently between the blonde’s lips, eliciting a needy moan when it meets Charity’s. Hands slide from her ribs to her back, shifting her further into the other girl’s lap and she feels Charity melt as she uses the move to deepen the kiss. She pulls away slowly, dragging a lip with her between her teeth before letting it go sharply.

“That’s how I know,” she preens as Charity’s hazy eyes lock onto her mouth, “I see nothing hard about the way you react when I kiss you.”

What she doesn’t expect is Charity to bite her lip and smile. Heat pools just below her stomach as a hoarse voice leaves the blonde’s mouth.

“Maybe we should see just how soft you can make me?” 

Vanessa’s on her feet before Charity can feel the absence in her lap, holding her good arm out and fixing her with blue eyes that have turned navy.

“Inside, now.”

*****

The cottage is quiet when they stumble through the door hand in hand, managing to avoid the creaks on the steps as they reach Vanessa’s bedroom. The second the door is shut, she’s pressed against it and her memories flood back from the night before, but before Charity’s lips can attach themselves to her neck, a finger is pressed gently into her chest pushing her backwards.

“Not this time, I may or may not have a late birthday gift for you.” Charity grins as her knees hit the mattress and she slumps down onto the duvet, Vanessa following until her knees are either side of the blonde’s hips. 

Hands slide up her thighs across the thin material of her tights and she nods as she feels them hover at the hemline of her skirt. The obstacle is quickly rucked up around her hips and she gasps as warm hands squeeze her hips. 

“What’s that then? Didn’t think you could top the map.” Charity’s eyes are black now, her jaw tensing each time she finds purchase in exposed skin. Her movements stop as Vanessa crosses her arms in front of her chest, she quickly moves to remove her hands, thinking she may have pushed too soon, but she’s instantly stopped. 

“Don’t.” She pauses, resting fingertips on the edge of Vanessa’s hips as her eyes zone in on the other girl’s actions. Vanessa hitches her fingers under the material of her top and she manages to peel it off and over her head, revealing what she’s had hidden underneath. She hadn’t exactly planned for their evening to end up like this but she’d always learned to be prepared and it seemed to be paying off. 

Fingers dig into her flesh harshly now as Charity takes in the black lace of her bra, a rumble in her chest causing a flush to appear on Vanessa’s skin. 

“You’ve topped the map.” Her lips find Vanessa’s neck and she receives a sighed moan as she reaches the rapidly thumping pulse point, sucking hard enough to leave a mark. Vanessa lets her descend to leave kisses across her chest, goosebumps springing up in no time at the feeling of her warm breath on her skin. She eventually pulls herself up, letting her legs hit the floor again as Charity groans in protest. 

Her pout is quickly sucked back into her mouth when Vanessa shimmies out of her tights, eyes following their path to the floor. She hooks her fingers around the knot at the back of her skirt and lets it unravel until the skirt has pooled at her feet.

She squirms lightly under Charity’s gaze but is suddenly feeling brave at the breathless look on the blonde’s face. No one has ever looked at her like this and she’ll be damned if she’s going to act like it’s nothing. She does her best to saunter back over to the bed, knowing Charity’s eyes are not only on her matching underwear, but also the fading bruises on her side. 

A hand reaches out and tugs on Vanessa’s underwear, pulling her in the last few inches until she’s back in the blonde’s lap. 

“This is what I missed out on yesterday?” Vanessa nods in response and her breath catches in her throat as soft hands caress the bruising. “I’m going to  _ kill  _ Chas.”

She lets out a low chuckle, quickly turning into a surprised squeak as Charity lifts her by her behind and lays her flat out on the bed gently. Kisses are placed over her stomach until Charity reaches her bra, urging her to arch her back while she slips a hand underneath and flicks it open with a snap. As she pulls the strapless bra from Vanessa’s skin, she leans up and takes her tongue hungrily back into her mouth.

Vanessa sinks into her hold and gasps into her mouth as she feels hands firmly over her breasts, twisting pebbled nipples between fingertips. 

“Charity…” she breathes out between kisses, the blonde stops immediately, leaning back to check Vanessa over. She melts slightly at the action and reaches a hand up to cup her jaw. 

“I’m fine,” green eyes release their tension, “you’re just wearing far too many clothes.”

It seems Charity doesn’t need to be told twice and backs up onto her knees to pull off her black top and throws it to the side of the room, allowing Vanessa a moment to appreciate the contrasting red she’s left with. 

“Think you’ve outdone me here.” She tries to lean up and pull at the straps to Charity’s bra but is immediately pushed gently back down. 

“Impossible sweetheart, now let me enjoy myself will you?” Charity shucks off her jeans with haste and brings herself back down to line up with Vanessa’s body. Fingers trail lightly up Vanessa’s inner thigh and she feels her legs jerk in response, winding her hands into Charity’s hair to try and ground herself. 

Charity kisses her again and this time she’s determined to balance out the control, allowing the blonde to pull at her swollen lips but getting a bite in here and there to feel Charity groan against her.

She almost complains when the mouth leaves hers but as soon as the protest reaches her lips, it dies, wet heat descending onto her chest as a nipple is taken between Charity’s lips. 

“Jesus Charity…” Vanessa feels a grin against her chest and pulls softly on the blonde locks in her hands to bring out another groan. It spurs Charity on, she trails a hand back up Vanessa’s legs and it brushes faintly over her damp underwear. Something guttural climbs out of Charity’s throat at the feeling and the scratch of her underwear against Vanessa’s bare skin causes her nerves to stand on end, rippling out from her neck to her feet.

A sharp nip to her hipbone causes her eyes to fly open, meeting a searing black. They dim for a moment, allowing Vanessa to understand she’s asking for permission, fingers looped under the sides of her underwear. She’s emboldened by the heaving of Charity’s chest and look of pure hunger on her face and so she winks back down at her, hoping it settles the blonde enough for her to continue. 

A grin tells her it’s done just that and the black lace is pulled slowly down her legs and discarded, falling unceremoniously to the carpet. More gentle kisses are peppered from her hips to her neck before Charity envelops her mouth softly, one hand now dragging short nails down her side as Vanessa’s hands slip easily around her neck. 

A hand teasingly strokes her lower abdomen and she bucks into the touch eagerly, bringing a small chuckle from the blonde before she swallows it back down with her own mouth. She uses her grip on Charity to pull her down until her ear is in line with Vanessa’s mouth and she whispers in what she hopes is an attractive tone rather than the desperate gasping she’s managed so far.

“Maybe if you quit teasing me, you’ll realise you’re a few inches above where your actual present is.”

Charity huffs out a short, aroused laugh as she lets her head drop to Vanessa’s chest. Her hand obeys Vanessa, stroking the skin as she reaches wet heat. What she finds causes her to sink further into Vanessa. 

“Fucking  _ hell, _ Ness,” she tests the waters and moves her fingers in circles, slowly gathering the wetness that’s pooled at her entrance. Vanessa’s back bends in return and her hand reaches out to meet where Charity’s other is gripping her hip. Light touches are rubbed against her clit as Charity works her up, her breathing becoming more and more rapid.

“Now remember, this cottage is small and the walls are thin, yeah?” The gravelly voice reaches her ears and she opens her mouth to question the comment but what leaves instead is a throaty moan as two fingers slide into her. 

Charity’s opposite hand flies from her hip to her mouth before the sound can drown out completely. 

“Oh, we are gonna be  _ so _ screwed if you’re going to make noises like that.” Charity’s voice is deep, arousal lacing each word as she moves the hand to thumb at Vanessa’s lower lip. She keeps her hand still, twitching slightly inside Vanessa making her wriggle in frustration, and she crawls up until they’re flush together. 

“Looks like  _ I’ll  _ have to keep you quiet then, won’t I?” Charity’s mouth is back on her, plump lips crashing against her own as she starts to move her hand, steadily working in and out, pressing deliciously against a part of Vanessa she didn’t even know existed.

She clings to Charity’s tresses as she gasps gently into her mouth and on a particularly deep curl, Charity swallows a whine so desperate it makes her eyes water.

Vanessa’s close in an embarrassingly short amount of time and she knows Charity can feel her clenching against her hand. The thrusts hit deeper, harder than before and Vanessa has to bury her face in Charity’s neck as she whispers gently into her ear.

“You can let go Ness, come for me.”

Vanessa bites down hard on Charity’s shoulder as she starts to tremble, her legs shaking either side of Charity’s hand. It hits her before she can prepare herself, stealing the air from her lungs and she opens her mouth in a silent scream. Charity eases her through it, movements slower now and she hums at the way Vanessa’s covered her hand.

She pulls out gently once Vanessa’s shaking has subsided and kneels between her legs as she catches her breath. Once Vanessa’s eyes are rid of the flashing white spots and she has enough air in her lungs again, she pushes herself up on her good elbow just in time to see herself licked from Charity’s fingers. 

Green eyes practically roll back in Charity’s head at the taste and she looks back to the other girl to find a lip pulled between her teeth so hard it could break the skin. She smirks dangerously when Vanessa speaks, voice just a rasp now.

“Come here.” She moves to kiss Vanessa but instead finds herself having to shuffle forward as the other girl pulls at the back of her thighs. Straddling Vanessa’s hips, she looks down into confident blue with her eyebrows tilted in question.

“Keep going.” Recognition slaps Charity in the face immediately and she groans as she realises what Vanessa is about to do.

She keeps moving until her knees are planted into the pillow either side of Vanessa’s face. She risks one last look down before latching onto the headboard. The sight of those eyes between her legs makes her shake and before she can say another word, all thoughts fly out of her head as Vanessa’s tongue runs through her.

*****

She can’t tell where her limbs start and Charity’s end at this point, they’re one mess of tangled arms and legs on top of her creased duvet. Once they’d got their breathing in check, they’d kissed lazily for what felt like hours before settling gently against each other and she’d wound her hand into Charity’s hair to scratch lightly at her scalp. Charity had hummed, unable to speak easily and placed her own hand to lay against Vanessa’s side, stroking a thumb over the bruising until any leftover tension had slipped away.

They’re both focused on the dark sky outside Vanessa’s window, thoughts drifting in and out of replays of the last few hours.

Charity had completely come apart above Vanessa as she’d let her ride out her orgasm, trying not to worry whether or not the gasped scream could have woken Belle or the others. She’s fairly sure she’d never seen anything as spectacular as Charity unravelling for her, emerald green glassed over in ecstasy, muscles taught and mouth dropped open. She couldn’t help but want to do it all over again, but she couldn’t get her aching muscles to respond, pushed to their limits from holding the blonde in place as she’d rocked against her mouth.

A sigh escapes the girl next to her and she tilts her head to the other side, waiting for unspoken words to spill. Charity’s face is calm though, signs of worry lines completely faded.

“He took me in, I was fourteen.” It takes a few seconds for Vanessa to catch on but once she does she stays as still as possible, hoping it’ll encourage Charity to continue. She had expected the blonde to fall asleep or even gather her clothes and sneak out, not to display yet more unwavering trust. 

“Me dad kicked me out when I was thirteen cos I got pregnant, they gave the baby to someone who could look after her and dumped me on the streets. I tried everyone, I had to, making the rounds til they all slowly got sick of me and then ended up on the corners with all the other sad, broken girls.”

Vanessa’s heart thumps painfully in her chest at the insinuation and she feels a hatred towards the men she’s never even met. She continues to stroke blonde curls, content at the way Charity relaxes at the touch.

“He found me one night, offered me a place with heating and a bed, food, an actual working shower. I fell for it, I thought he was trying to keep me out of the cold, out of the excruciating life I was living y’know?” Vanessa nods but she’s not entirely sure if Charity can feel it. 

“He took advantage, so did his mates. All of them corrupt. Plied me with booze and drugs where he could, knocked me up again n all. That’s when I got out, stole his car, got to a hospital, had a baby.”

She moves her head then, meeting Vanessa’s glassy eyes and moving her hand from her bruises to grip her hip bones. She looks almost empty while she’s talking about it, Vanessa supposes that she’s simply been through hell and back with this trial, telling every useless authority what happened, every horrible detail. She’s becoming immune, almost. She tries to put her obvious question into the air between them, brushing her bruised thumb against Charity’s jaw until she leans into it.

“He died, the baby, turns out he booze and drugs can do that to a kid. I legged it, left the hospital and never looked back, until eventually I found Lisa.” Vanessa blinks a tear away and hastily wipes at her own cheek before Charity can be distracted by her own seemingly unjustified sadness. 

“One of the other girls he took turned him in a few years ago and he was put under investigation, they contacted me cos she mentioned my name and it started this whole mess.” She shakes her head and turns it gently to press a kiss to Vanessa’s palm. She almost breaks at the contact.

“He’s being put away, more of his vile mates are coming forward now, more lenient sentences. But he’s still got _ friends _ , it’s why I’m here. They wouldn’t hesitate to put me six feet under if they could.”

Vanessa edges closer across the bed, tucking herself neatly into Charity’s curves as a warm arm wraps around her waist, hesitant but firm as if she’d been expecting Vanessa to recoil.

“He deserves to be six feet under, not you.” Her voice is quiet as it cracks slightly, steeling herself for a moment before carrying on. “I hope you realise how amazing you are, truly, I have honestly never met anyone like you.”

Charity scoffs lightly but her fingers continue to draw circles on Vanessa’s stomach. “Maybe that’s a good thing, not exactly a catch -”

“Stop. Now.” Vanessa rolls back, wincing for a moment when she has to lean on her bad arm but waving Charity’s hand away as it comes to her side. She grabs Charity’s chin softly and waits until her gaze is met. She can see the blonde give in just a little under the touch.

“I mean it, Charity, I couldn’t have been luckier when you stormed into that room downstairs. You’re not the kind of person anyone should just let go of and your dad has lost out on watching you turn into this...this stupidly beautiful woman who cares so openly and faces anything she has to with a strength I don’t think I’ve seen in  _ anyone _ else.”

She knows she babbles on trying to get the words out but Charity just smiles, brushing her nose against Vanessa’s and kissing her soundly before pulling away a fraction. “And I’m not half bad in bed either apparently.”

Vanessa laughs, trying to glare back at the blonde for steering the conversation into more comfortable territory. Charity just nods in understanding and kisses her again.

“I know, I know. It’s been a lot, my life, Ness. Quite a nice break to have someone look at me like I’m worth something.”

Vanessa leans in and kisses her jaw, lingering for a few seconds until she feels Charity’s hand slide up to her neck. She pulls back and smiles properly before meeting her halfway. The kiss isn’t frantic or deep like the past few hours, but it’s soft. It holds something that manages to fill both of their chests until the space left for air is non-existent and they reluctantly pull back. Vanessa stares up, holding onto the blonde’s jaw fiercely. 

“You’re worth a lot more than just  _ something _ , Charity.” Once she sees a look of acceptance cross Charity’s features, she flops back down onto her back, bringing warm hands with her to rest over her stomach and tucking her head back under the blonde’s chin. A gentle sigh is released above her and she strokes their thumbs together for a few minutes. 

Before she lets her eyes drift shut she manages to bring out another smile.

“And yes, you’re really not half bad in bed either.”

*****


	8. Trial and Error

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of the trial brings more revelations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only 3 days left until I'm free for a whole month! Thanks for all the lovely comments, just makes me want to keep writing these two - may need it with the way the storyline is going atm. Enjoy!

Charity had left in the early hours that following morning, one of Vanessa’s jumpers bundled over her skimpy top to brace the cold. She’d been reluctant to let her go but she knew that the blonde would rather not get the third degree on their romantic night over a bowl of cereal at the dining table with Zak. Lisa had simply glanced at her neck where she knew violet bruises were forming and raised her eyebrows knowingly, Vanessa had just tried to shake her hair forward and scoffed her toast down silently. They’d managed to see each other sporadically throughout the next week, both oblivious to the curious looks from villagers as they flirted back and forth effortlessly. Vanessa diving into the Woolpack for a pint under the pretence of getting away from the farm for a bit, Charity lingering longer after the few family dinners they’d had, both loath to be out of each other’s space. 

Though, things weren’t exactly easy for them now, not like they’d hoped. The final hearing for the trial was taking place today, just a week after Charity’s chaotic birthday, exactly like the lawyers had predicted, exactly like Charity had been dreading. She’d wrapped her fingers between Vanessa’s one evening over the bar and explained she’d be stuck in the courthouse almost all day, softly admitting she felt sick at the thought of seeing him. His dark stare and smug grin reminding her that she couldn’t undo all the pain he’d caused, no matter how long he went away for, no matter how much he suffered in return. Vanessa had simply lifted tense knuckles to her mouth in reply and pressed a firm kiss there, it had worked, just enough for the light to return to her eyes.

Lisa had appeared at her bedroom door this morning in a smart burgundy dress and blazer, cup of steaming tea in hand and an apprehensive smile on her face.

“I’m goin’ with her, darlin. Me and Chas. We’ll be back this evening I reckon so Zak’ll probably get in a chippy.” 

Lisa had told her about the hearing the same day Charity had, she’d just nodded and revealed that she knew, knew _ everything _ . They hadn’t talked about it much, not wanting to waste any of their time discussing  _ him _ . She’d placed the mug carefully down onto the bedside table and stood for a minute, watching Vanessa nervously bite her nails, looking somewhere towards the end of her bed, eyes unfocused.

“Soph, love, she’ll be alright. She’s got us and it’ll be over after today, she won’t have to be afraid anymore.”

Vanessa had blinked several times to let the words register in her mind and looked up with a small smile to the woman waiting tentatively. 

“I know, I know. I just...I wish she didn’t have to  _ see _ him, she already has to live with the memories, isn’t that bad enough?”

A gentle squeeze to her shoulder and a kiss to the top of her head had calmed her enough for her to drop back into the pillows, grasping the handle to the mug and letting the rim rest on her chin. Lisa had offered to text her as soon as they had news but she’d turned her down, hesitantly explaining that she’d rather wait until Charity was ready to talk about the results herself. 

She’s  _ more _ than regretting that decision now. She’s staring off into the distance across the paddocks, getting lost in her thoughts picturing a shrunken Charity sat in the gallery, her strong spirit crushed for the hundredth time at the hands of  _ that  _ man. Her grip gets gradually harder on the fence under her hands until it begins to dig painfully into her skin, it only releases at the sound of a shriek by her side.

“Soph! Look! He’s doin’ it again!” Belle’s jumping up and down in excitement, wellies making an uncomfortable squelching noise each time, splattering mud onto her pale yellow tights. 

Marco’s splint was finally off, after a long week of persistence and surprisingly sharp bites to her hands, Vanessa had finally managed to get him walking enough with the support to try him out in the paddocks with Peggy. Belle’s face was worth it, the little girl lighting up with the force of a thousand suns when she’d seen Vanessa at her bedroom door, wellies in hand and a wide grin on her face.

“He is! Told you he’d get better, almost outrunning Peggy now isn’t he?” She can’t help but laugh softly watching Marco run circles around his sister, Peggy eventually giving up on trying to nip him and collapsing onto the grass below her feet, dizzy and dozing on and off. 

“Remember what I said though Belle, only half hour a day  _ max _ , he runs too much and we’ll be back to square one.”

Belle’s face turns serious, nodding fiercely up at Vanessa. She bites down a smile, wanting to take advantage of the fact that she’d actually listened.

“Square one!” Her hand slips into Vanessa’s and holds tight as they lean back against the fence together, Marco eventually tiring and laying exhausted next to his sister. The sky is a crystal blue but dotted with threatening clouds, the sun only peeking through every so often to bathe the lambs in warmth while they snooze. She’s grateful for the calm, choosing to bring Belle to her front so she can lean back against Vanessa’s legs, hands wrapped tightly around the girls shoulders. She plays with the ends of Belle’s hair while she listens to the sounds of the farm around them.

“You like it here, Belle?”

She feels the girl tilt her head thoughtfully for a moment and has to stifle a chuckle at the sweet action. A tiny sigh leaves her as she speaks with such ease.

“It’s the  _ best _ , Soph. I got mummy and daddy, Sammy, you. Aaron, Chas, Chatty,” Vanessa smiles gently at her attempt, “Marlon, even grumpy Cain is ok.”

She laughs properly now, “Cain  _ is _ grumpy isn’t he.”

“ _ So _ grumpy! But he loves us, I know he does! And I love the farm, my lambies, pretty horses, I get to wear my wellies!” She stamps around a bit more in the mud to demonstrate, the adorable flowered pattern now ruined with brown sludge. “Does smell a bit like poo, though.”

She grins and squeezes Belle tighter against her as she feels a tiny hand come up to meet hers. 

“It does darling, but I like it here too.”

*****

Six o’clock had brought Lisa back through the front door, Vanessa sitting bolt upright on the sofa, heart in her throat waiting for a familiar figure to appear behind her but nothing followed.

“She’s had to wrap up paperwork with the lawyers, then she can come home.” Tired eyes had tried to reassure her, “She told us to come back, she’ll grab a taxi.”

Vanessa tries desperately not to let her anger show, it’s not her place to comment on the fact that they willingly left her there,  _ left  _ her after what would have been one of the hardest days of her life. No, it’s not her place, she reminds herself as she manages a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

Tough cookie, hardarse, thick skinned, yep, that’s Charity alright. Except it’s not, Vanessa knows that now. She knows that all of the things she’s had to endure have slowly chipped away at her, she’s simply built walls high enough so no one sees the cracks in her shell when she does break.

She grabs her phone from where it’s resting on the arm of the sofa, careful as she leans so as not to wake a sleeping Belle curled near her feet at the opposite end, passed out with a belly full of mushy peas and chips. No messages. She flips her phone around and around through her hand, contemplating sending a text but she knows deep down she can’t risk overstepping. Pushing Charity now, after waiting and letting her reveal her problems on her own, it would be a disaster. 

She opens her messages anyway and shoots off a generic text to Rhona to give herself something to do, eventually tucking it neatly into her hoody pocket and turning to give the ache in her arm a rest. Lisa sends the boys down to the barn to settle the lambs instead, gesturing towards the settled pair on the sofa and refusing to let them be disturbed. They only grumble slightly before shoving wellies on and heading out into the evening, Belle stirring when the door slams behind them.

“Well  _ hello _ sleepyhead, reckon it’s time for bed don’t you?” Lisa strokes her daughter’s hair softly where it’s splayed out against the cushions. The only reply is a murmur and the rubbing of tiny fists against her eyes. She’d spent most of the afternoon running after Marco once he’d got his confidence back, giving them a run for their money with her boundless energy until she started to yawn and practically  _ dragged _ her feet back to the cottage.

“I’ll take her, you’ve all had a long day.” Vanessa sits up, swinging her legs onto the rug below and gathering Belle into her arms with a grunt, she waits for her to settle against her shoulder, thumb jammed in her mouth, before glancing back at Lisa. 

“Thanks darlin’. I’ll leave you a brew once it’s made, I’ve got to chuck some washing on.” She shucks off her blazer and places it over the back of a rickety dining chair before making her way to the kitchen. Vanessa feels Belle’s breathing even out and moves towards the stairs. 

Belle’s room is a beautiful lilac shade, scraps of paper taped to the walls with crayon drawings displaying what she thinks are flowers and cows. She’s got a set of glow-in-the-dark stars stuck to the ceiling above her bed, the same kind Vanessa had when she was a kid, although she doesn’t see why Belle would need them with the sort of night skies they get here. 

She peels back the duvet and lays Belle gently against the pillow, her soft snores halting briefly while she adjusts to the new spot. She picks a book from the pile stacked next to the bed and flicks through it, reading each line quietly and lulling Belle further into a slumber. She slides the book back into its place and brings the covers up to tuck under Belle’s chin, dropping a gentle kiss to her forehead and whispering a “g’night sweetheart” as she hears a noise coming from downstairs.

Drawing the door to a close quietly, she tiptoes back down the staircase and pauses at the bottom, waiting for the noise to ring in again. It comes after a few seconds, her head turning towards the front door as she hears the gentle rap of knuckles against the wood.

Her heart swells in her chest at the sight that greets her when she pulls the door open. Charity is stood wrapped in a long black coat, tights and shoes just visible below her knees, eyes puffy but a gentle smile gracing her lips. 

“Didn’t wake you did I?” Her eyes manage a joking glint when Vanessa glances down to her pyjamas, bottoms too long and covering her feet completely, top oversized and probably stained.

“Ha ha! You’re funny.” She can’t resist a smile at the way Charity’s face lifts in response, lighter than before. “Just needed to be comfy after a day chasing the speed twins, Marco’s splint is fully off.”

Charity nods and pauses for a few seconds, hands still shoved deeply into her pockets and strands of hair blowing in front of her face. Vanessa watches her, eyes a darker green than she’d remembered, nose reddening from the cold and an eyebrow twisted in what looks like expectation. She clicks.

“God, right, sorry, yeah come in.” She pulls the door open wider and rolls her eyes at herself as Charity hangs her coat on a hook by the entrance. She’s wearing a knitted black dress down to her knees, simple gold chain around her neck and sleeves pulled down to cover her hands. She looks gorgeous, a bit like she’s been to a funeral, but gorgeous.

Charity must catch her staring as she hears a fake cough in front of her, the blonde’s mouth pulling into a soft smirk. Vanessa blushes as she runs a hand through her hair and bashfully moves forward, thumb unable to resist gently running along the swollen bags under the blonde’s eyes.

“How are you?” Her voice is much quieter than she’d meant it to be, she’s glad for it when she sees Charity relax against her hand.

“I have no idea.” Her eyes open onto Vanessa’s gaze, patience flowing through the small space between them. “Relieved, exhausted, empty. Like he’s tried to suck every last piece of joy he could from me before they took him out of that room.”

A crack works its way into Vanessa’s heart at the admission, desire bursting in her to delve into Charity’s and put all her broken pieces back together. She pads closer and winds her arms around the blonde’s neck, pulling her in until she can brush her nose against her skin and scratch lightly at her scalp. Charity sinks into her, cold hands slipping around her waist and curving into the small of her back.

“Do you not want to go back and rest? Today must have been draining for you.” She whispers, not releasing her hold on the other girl and instead pressing a kiss to the shell of her ear. She hears her sigh and feels Charity’s shoulders lower as she speaks.

“I didn’t want to go back to the pub, you’re not at the pub.” 

Vanessa pauses in her movements stroking the blonde locks between her fingers and pulls away only enough to catch green eyes with her own. She looks small, almost shy having heard her own words leave her lips. Vanessa moves her hand to brush a thumb against Charity’s mouth before leaving a tender kiss on the corner of her lips. 

“No, I’m  _ here _ . And so will you be, until you’re ready to leave.” She waits for Charity to signal her agreement and when her shoulders slump completely forward, Vanessa knows she can move.

She trails her hands down wool covered arms and slides her fingers between the blonde’s, tugging gently as she moves towards the stairs. Charity follows without resistance and matches Vanessa step for step as they edge towards her bedroom. She shuffles quietly over to the bed and sits back against the headboard while Vanessa rummages through her drawers silently. She pulls out a long pair of black joggers with a tiny hole in the knee from Marco’s persistent nibbling and a red jumper brandishing the name of some unknown American football team.

She holds them out in front of Charity and grins widely as she only half-heartedly rolls her eyes before reaching for the hem of her dress. As much as Vanessa wishes it were her job, she’s aware that risking flirty looks and possibly inappropriate touches could be the last thing the blonde needs after today. She begins rolling her tights past her knees and Vanessa crouches, replacing her hands and peeling them over her ankles, down her feet before folding them neatly out of habit and placing them on top of Charity’s shoes. 

Glancing up she realises she’s being watched, a set of soft, happy eyes staring back at her as she remains by Charity’s knees. Her breath hitches as she takes in long, bare legs with goosebumps trailing across newly exposed skin, simple cotton underwear that have moved slightly to reveal the imprint they’ve left on her hip bones, a flat stomach where a small scar lays above Charity’s belly button, a chest rising and falling slowly with her breathing, soft curls gathered around her shoulders.

“You done, or shall I sit here and slowly freeze to death?” Her head snaps back to piercing green as Charity chuckles, a smug grin replacing her softer look. Vanessa simply leans over to where the joggers lay on the blanket, taking them into her hands and rolling up the legs as she places one cuff over Charity’s foot.

She watches the grin fall from the girl’s face, emotion slowly clouding over her eyes and a lip sucked back into her mouth as though to stop herself from crying at the gesture. Vanessa pushes the material further over her legs, tapping the side of Charity’s knee so she rises up and allows the joggers to be passed over her thighs onto her hips.

Vanessa gathers the jumper up in her hands next and nods gently towards the ceiling until arms are lifted into the air. She tugs and adjusts until the soft cotton is fitted snugly around each line and curve and then rocks back on her heels, hands cupped around the blonde’s kneecaps, fingers stroking up and down with ease.

“Why do you care so much?” Her voice is uneven, breaking over the words as she slips a hand down to meet Vanessa’s.

She stares back, blinking softly for a few moments before moving closer, hands grasping Charity’s and covering her sides. She gets a squeeze of acknowledgement in response. 

“I don’t think I’d be able not to, to be honest.” The blonde looks back at her, baffled. “You walked in that day I arrived and somehow instantly made me  _ want _ to know you, not just the Dingle devil woman everyone was talking about, you.”

Charity smiles softly and pulls on their hands, bringing Vanessa to her feet and standing herself before pushing the duvet back and climbing into the far side under the window. She follows without question, curling into Charity’s side as best she can, resting her bad arm over her stomach.

“How long?” she asks after a few minutes, breathing calm as she tries to get as much of Charity’s smell in as possible each time she inhales.

“Twenty-five years, no chance of early release.” She doesn’t sound happy, but how could she? Vanessa knows that 25 years of him away doesn’t make up for more than 13 years of pain for Charity, it might be justice but what use is that to her right now. Right now all she can feel is the imprint he left on her, the scars, the reminder that no matter where he is, he will always have a mark on her.

Vanessa moves to look up at Charity’s profile, her jaw still tense and her eyes distant. She lifts her nose to nudge the underside of her chin and eyes snap to hers, softening straight away at the understanding she finds in blue pools. 

“I know it doesn’t feel like anything has changed, but he’ll suffer in there. He’s been protected his whole life and there’s nothing prisoners hate more than a corrupt copper.”

Charity nods in agreement but her eyes show she’s not fully believing it. Vanessa kisses her chin anyway and lays her head back against supple shoulders. 

“What do you want to do now, where do we go from here?” She asks the air, not sure whether she’ll get a response. She feels the blond tense beside her and is about to try and reel the question back in when she hears a whisper.

“We?”

Vanessa’s brows knit together and she suddenly moves to sit up, crossing her legs and facing where Charity is still resting warily against the headboard. She reaches out and twists anxious fingers together, waiting until the blonde properly looks up at her before raising an eyebrow and looking into hesitant eyes.

“We. Me and you. Generally a word reserved for two or more people when referring to themselves.” She grins when Charity’s eyes lift to the ceiling and she huffs out a frustrated sigh.

“You  _ know _ what I meant, Ness. I just...I didn’t realise you’d want to ‘ _ go’ _ anywhere with me.”

She waits for a minute or two, watching Charity’s face pass through every emotion she can think of, nervous being the one that sticks. She edges forward to place herself over Charity’s legs, straddling her thighs until she can scoot up into her lap and wrap her arms around her shoulders. She hisses slightly when she lifts her left arm and Charity’s hand is immediately under hers, placing it where she wants it and brushing a gentle hand up and down the length.

She tries her best to contain some of the adoration in her gaze, worried the blonde will pull away if it hits her square in the chest. She mimics Charity’s go-to action and hooks a finger under her chin, waiting for her lips to turn up in a smile before leaning forward and capturing lips between her own. She presses forward, hands slinking around Charity’s neck as she deepens the kiss, feeling herself tremble slightly when the blonde lets out a content sigh.

Her chest floods with something she’d rather not put a name to when she pulls back to look at hazy eyes. Charity is calm, staring so thoughtfully at Vanessa that she starts to wonder whether or not the blonde can sense what she’s feeling. She pushes her hand further into the curls and massages gently, grinning when the blonde’s head falls back and she closes her eyes.

“Charity Dingle, you’re lucky you’re beautiful.” Eyes snap open again, wide and offended as Vanessa chuckles heartily. 

“Oi!” She pinches the skin of the hips under her hands and Vanessa wriggles in her hold. The laughter dies down after a minute and they’re back to the feeling of each other’s breath on parted lips.

“I can say with complete, terrifying honesty, that I’d go anywhere with you.  _ For  _ you. Whatever.” She presses on as she sees Charity’s eyes glaze over with tears. “I know I’m not a permanent fixture here or anything but frankly you make my heart feel about ten times bigger every time I see you so, I’d say you’re good to count on me for whatever you want to do next.”

Her last word is cut off mid way as Charity kisses her hard, palms cradling her jaw as if she might break. The thudding in her chest is all she can hear as she kisses her back, trying to match the ferocity so Charity knows what this means.

They grow softer, lips brushing and fingers reaching up to swipe at wet cheeks. Eventually Charity breaks them apart, tucking loose strands of hair behind Vanessa’s ears and pulling her down with her as she lays back. She moves to lay at Charity’s side but strong arms keep her in place on her chest, wrapping solidly around her waistline.

“I don’t want to go anywhere, not right now. Just...rest with me.”

“Alright.”

*****

Vanessa hears her neck pop before she feels it, a groan leaving her lips as she realises her head has somehow bent to fit as neatly under Charity’s jaw as possible. The girl underneath her stirs as she tilts her neck side to side, waiting for the all important crack before sitting up fully.

“Mmm where goin’?” Charity’s eyes are barely open and her hair is fanned out over the pillow in a messy halo. Vanessa smiles and leans down to peck her lips before standing up, squeezing the blonde’s hand to settle her as she whines in protest.

“ _ Mmm goin’  _ to change my bandage. It’s almost nine and I can’t fall asleep for the night without cleaning it properly, taking long enough to heal as it is.”

Charity pulls herself up onto her elbows and watches intently as Vanessa stalks around the room finding the various bits and pieces she’ll need to treat her arm. She picks up a clean bandage from where Zak had left them in a pile on her chest of drawers, turning back to open up her bedside table drawer and rummaging until she finds the antiseptic. 

She comes back to sit on the edge of the bed, one leg crossed under her as she places the items out on the bed in front of them. Charity sits properly then, leaning forward to nuzzle into Vanessa’s neck and kissing her pulse point as she laughs and bats her away. 

“I am  _ trying _ to concentrate here Dingle, make yourself useful and open this for me,” Charity leans back smirking, lifting the wrapper before stopping and narrowing her eyes.

“Please?” Vanessa sighs out.

“Better.” Charity winks and rips the side of the plastic open, waiting until Vanessa has double checked all the things she’ll need before she moves her hands to the safety pin. Vanessa recoils for a second and Charity just manages to cover the hurt in her eyes at the movement.

“What’re you doing?” Vanessa looks scared, hands shaking slightly as she meets Charity’s eyes. The hurt is quickly replaced by understanding and she smiles softly back at her.

“Do you trust me?” The blonde takes the shaking hands between hers and presses soft kisses to each knuckle before letting them rest against her mouth. Vanessa doesn’t hesitate, the feeling of Charity’s warm breath on her hands calming her immediately.

“Yes.” She receives another kiss on each hand before Charity repeats her action, moving her fingers to undo the safety pin and unravelling the old bandage slowly.

Vanessa holds her breath and watches as the other girl moves steadily, quietly removing the material from her arm and hooking her nail under the edge of the dressings to peel them back. She looks up at Vanessa, care pouring out of her and Vanessa just nods, unable to form the words to reassure.

Slowly but surely, red scars are revealed, most fully healed now from her fall but still painful and bruised, she closes her eyes at the sight, chest tightening and breathing becoming ragged as she tries to rid the image from her mind. An inhale stops sharply in her throat as she feels lips against her scars.

Her eyes open to Charity curled over her arm, placing gentle kisses to each scar and mottled bruise as she works from her elbow to her wrist. As she reaches the last one, her eyes settle once again on Vanessa, eyes widening as she takes in the girl in front of her.

“Ness, what’s wrong, did I hurt you?” It’s only when gentle hands rub against her cheeks that she realises she’s crying. She allows Charity to dry her skin before shaking her head.

“No, daft idiot, course you didn’t.” She manages a chuckle before a sniffle takes its place. “You just act so surprised when someone cares about  _ you  _ and then you’re like this.” Charity tilts her head and lets her mouth turn into a small frown as Vanessa whispers the last few words, “how do you not think it’s ugly?”

She doesn’t have time to dodge the swat that’s aimed at her good shoulder and she yelps in mock pain, smiling lopsidedly as the blonde leans in and immediately kisses where it landed.

“How many fucking times,” she says it lightly enough that Vanessa knows she isn’t angry, “it is not ugly,  _ you _ are not ugly, you are the best thing I’ve ever had the pleasure of looking at and these scars don’t change that.”

Vanessa’s heart rattles behind her ribs and she grasps Charity by the neck of her jumper, kissing her soundly and is quickly rewarded with a satisfied hum. She has a determined look in her eye when Vanessa lets her pull back.

“I practically drooled a puddle onto your mattress the other night just  _ looking _ at you, so shut up, and let me get on with this please.” 

Charity takes her time cleaning, somehow it hurts less when she’s the one turning Vanessa’s arm so she can reach each cut, hands feather light and eyes kind. She checks with her on the placement of the dressings, making sure the adhesive doesn’t stick and pull on any of her hairs or skin. Finally wrapping the material around her arm and securing it place, she presses a kiss to the inside of Vanessa’s wrist and lays the arm in her lap, fingers intertwined.

“Sorted, good at this nursing lark, aren’t I?” She winks softly and Vanessa smiles back, nodding her head and lifting their hands to kiss her palms in a thank you. She pauses for a moment, contemplative look gracing her features before she takes a deep breath.

“I got my arm trapped in between the train doors on the tube trying to get away, I got free but then he shot at the windows as we left the platform and it rained down on me like a bloody hailstorm.” She feels Charity cease all movements, eyes trained carefully on Vanessa as she holds her hand a little tighter.

“I was coming home from the library, on my own after my friend ditched me for a quickie with her man-child boyfriend. It was dead on the platform and I just didn’t even click, I saw this guy and he looked like he as having a heart attack or something but then I saw a bullet wound, then I saw him and…” she stops, controlling her laboured breathing as she feels a thumb stroke over her fingers, “I was seen and obviously  _ wasn’t  _ supposed to have been there so, he came after me, I got away and Bob’s your uncle here I am.”

She can hear her voice break as she tries to lighten the mood. Her head tilts down as images flood back through her mind for the first time in over a week, only becoming staggered when hands cup her face and pull her up.

“You didn’t have to...tell me, y’know. Just cos  _ I’m _ a bit of a blabbermouth once I get going.” Charity’s soft smile lights up when Vanessa’s lips turn up at the sides at her tone.

“I didn’t tell you cos I had to Charity, I told you cos I trust you. I know why you’re here, time you learnt why I am.”

Charity leans forward and kisses Vanessa on her forehead, firm and tender with care.

“Ness, you’ll be safe here until they get him. No one will let anything happen to you, especially this ‘ _ big bad wolf _ ’ as I recall you mentioning.” Vanessa’s laugh is wet with unshed tears as she grins back.

“Also, your mate sounds like a prize twat.” She looks angry now and Vanessa squeezes her chin between her thumb and finger to bring back her smirk.

“She can be, yeah.” She shuffles to Charity’s side to rest her head on her shoulder and a kiss is pressed to her temple automatically.

“But I’m here now and like you said, I’m safe. Happy.”

“Me too.”

*****

It’s approaching midnight by the time Vanessa’s pulling her in for one last kiss before Charity wanders back to the pub. 

Neither of them notice the shadow of the figure standing behind the outhouse, watching the interaction before turning back and disappearing into the dark.


	9. It's Catching Up With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa comes face to face with what she's been running from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I'm sorry for this one okay. Don't hate me, had to happen xo Enjoy!

“Are you trying to kill me?”

Vanessa’s lungs claw back at the heaving breaths passing her lips, desperate for air as she feels an ache begin to throb at the base of her spine. A low laugh brings her back to her senses and she manages the effort it takes to open her eyes. The sight of Charity’s head between her legs, hair wild and trailing kisses back down to her knee sends another shiver of want through her body. The exhaustion in her bones stops any ideas of another round before they can fully form.

Her head drops back to the mattress as she winds a hand into Charity’s hair, stroking softly until it encourages the other girl to crawl back up her body, leaving light lips on her hips and collarbone on the way. The blonde sighs deeply as she collapses down onto Vanessa’s front, laughing at the noise of mock discomfort the girl underneath lets out.

“Definitely not, would be _ far  _ less interesting without you around.” 

Vanessa lets her fingers slip from her hair and she traces a pattern down to the smooth expanse of Charity’s back, pressing lightly in the gaps between her spine as she moves down. The sun is still streaming through the gap in the curtains hanging in the blonde’s bedroom, bathing a sliver of their joined bodies in warm light.

“You’d get more work done.” She smiles to herself as she pokes a finger lightly into Charity’s side, feeling her squirm in response but making no move to escape Vanessa’s hold. She grabs Vanessa’s offending index finger and brings it to her mouth, lightly biting at the tip before letting it rest against her lips. 

“Chas is a big girl and there’s maybe  _ five _ punters down there right now.” She kisses the finger quickly and lifts herself slightly to lay next to Vanessa, pausing to grin wickedly at the flush still evident across the girl’s chest and her hair a mess from writhing against the sheets. “Besides, you weren’t exactly complaining…”

Vanessa fixes her with a glare that only has her grin widening, eventually giving in herself and leaning in to kiss Charity properly. Something flutters in her chest as she sucks gently on Charity’s lower lip before letting it go with a pop. 

“No, no I wasn’t. Still, I am _ trying _ to stay in the Dingles’ good books, stealing you away for -”

“Mind-blowing sex…”

Vanessa rolls her eyes, “a quickie turned  _ two hour _ sweat session, is hardly getting me any brownie points!”

Charity chuckles to herself and slides their fingers together, one calf hooking around the other girl’s to bring her closer. She waits for a minute, an ear resting against Vanessa’s chest while she listens to the gradual slowing of her erratic heartbeat.

“Babe, Belle thinks the sun shines out your arse, Lisa is thanking the heavens for a normal presence in the house, Marlon and Sammy love you cos you laugh at all their shite jokes.” She can feel Vanessa’s smile growing against her forehead and squeezes their hands lightly.

“Plus, you actually got the queen of gloom and doom to smile,  _ huge _ achievement.”

Vanessa pushes back, her good hand shifting Charity’s hips over so that she can shimmy down the mattress until their eyes are set on one another. Bright green glimmers back at her, waiting patiently, and she momentarily forgets what she wanted to say,  _ just  _ resisting the urge to kiss her again until they can’t breathe.

“You’re not ‘gloom and doom’, you’ve been hurt and wary,” Charity’s eyes flicker anxiously to their hands for a second, “and sometimes a  _ bit _ lazy,” her eyes snap back up, narrowing dangerously while Vanessa smirks at her. Her face turns serious again as the humour in her tone dies out.

“Charity, you’ve made the past month of my life  _ so _ much better than it should have been. If I hadn’t have met you, I would have been barely sleeping, still terrified, probably driving myself insane with all the batty thoughts flying around my head.”

A warm hand brushes fingers against her cheek as she stops and she looks down into the kind eyes she’s grown to know well. Open and unclouded. Everyone always takes the version of Charity she first presents, guarded, tense, sarcastic, harsh, the version they’re not willing to look past. Vanessa hasn’t seen anyone aside from Lisa bother to break through all of that since she’s been here and she can’t help but pity them, because they’ve never experienced the overwhelming  _ good  _ of what’s underneath.

“You’d have been  _ fine  _ Ness...”

“And what’s the  _ point _ in settling for fine when I could have this?”

Charity’s silent for a moment, eyes searching Vanessa’s for any trace of dishonesty, allowing herself to smile softly when she finds none. She slips a hand firmly around Vanessa’s waist, tugging gently at her lower back until they’re nose to nose, hands scratching lightly against the skin as if to assure herself that the body underneath is real.

“Fair point, who’d wanna miss out on multiple orgasms and a face like mine, ey?” She scratches harder, revelling in the shiver it brings out of Vanessa before she’s faced with a disapproving look.

“You’re more than that, you daft mare.” Vanessa lets her fingers dance around Charity’s ribcage, smirk growing tenfold at the darkening of those green eyes. “You’re gorgeous,”

Charity hums encouragingly while her gaze turns challenging.

“You’re intelligent,” another hum.

“You’re kind,” Charity’s lips are on hers before she can get the words out properly, tongue slipping gently into her mouth and a groan vibrating through her body. Vanessa’s hand moves quickly to her jaw, holding her in place before moving her lips to the blonde’s neck.

“Seeing as I’m all these wonderful things, how ‘bout you show me.” 

She nips the skin under her mouth lightly, earning a growl from Charity’s throat before pulling back and looking straight into dark eyes as she trails a hand down to fierce heat. Pupils blow as she drags a finger through what she finds.

“I suppose, if it’ll prove my point.” 

Vanessa winks and the last thing Charity sees before her eyes roll back in her head is a slender hand moving back to where she needs it the most.

*****

An exasperated voice booming up the stairs drags them apart thirty minutes later, Charity resting her forehead against Vanessa’s as the other girl attempts to stifle a laugh.

“Charity, if you want to keep your job and my boot out of your arse, I suggest you stop necking and get down here  _ now _ !”

Charity huffs and rolls onto her back, arm covering her eyes while she mumbles something about Chas being a dictator. Vanessa’s chuckles fade out as she takes the opportunity to observe the blonde, tugging her lip between her teeth to contain a content sigh as her eyes rake over smooth skin. There’s a dip past Charity’s hip bones that fit her hands perfectly, two dark freckles on her chest that Vanessa always seeks out with her lips, the muscles in her legs that tense when she shakes around her hand.

“You’re gonna give me a real ego boost if you do this every time, babe.” Charity’s arm is still covering her eyes but she’s smiling now, her other hand searching the sheets for any part of Vanessa she can reach.

She lets her find a hand and links their fingers before she tugs, the arm moving from her face now so Charity can frown deeply back at her.

“Don’t look at me like that, you heard the woman, you’ve got a shift to finish!” Charity’s head drops off the edge of the bed as she groans like a stubborn teenager. Vanessa just tugs harder until the blonde relents, allowing herself to be pulled upright, hands reaching out to run through Charity’s hair, carefully taming the flyaways and tangles.

Once she’s satisfied that Charity doesn’t look like she’s been fucked into next week, she shuffles off the creased sheets and moves to where her clothes are scattered across the carpet. She comes across Charity’s jeans while picking up her shoes and throws them over to the blonde who’s pulling a t-shirt over her head.

“You staying here then? Not sauntering off to somewhere more interesting anytime soon?”

She can hear the waver in her voice as she speaks, wincing at herself as Charity’s head pops through the neck of her top. The blonde doesn’t reply immediately, choosing instead to zip up her fly and jam her feet in her shoes before walking over to Vanessa, nervous now and standing with her jacket in hand as if she’d only just arrived.

A delicate finger gathers a few loose waves and places them back behind her shoulder, coming back to rest against her collarbone where a bite mark still peeks through the skin.

“Yeah, I’m staying. Going back to where I was, it just, wouldn’t work anymore. I have a  _ family  _ here and yeah, they’re bloody bonkers and a bit useless but they’re mine, they look out for me.”

Vanessa’s breath catches as Charity’s eyes cease their wandering and stare right into her, she sees something different in them now, something that makes her chest thrum and her blood sing.

“Plus, there’s certain perks here I’m not willing to give up just yet.”

She matches the blonde’s grin and leans in, mumbling a  _ “good” _ before kissing her soundly. Barely a minute passes before another yell causes Charity to pull back far quicker than intended.

“I mean it Dingle, I will come up there and drag you out by your ears,  _ both  _ of you!”

“I’m on my way Chas, keep your fucking wig on will you?!” Vanessa flinches at the volume, Charity’s voice still hoarse from using it excessively over the past few hours. 

“Go out the back way, I’ll save you from her death glare, alright?” Charity pulls the door open and lets Vanessa pass through first before following her down the stairs. A tug on her belt loop brings her to stop with a jolt as she reaches the back door. Another tug has her turned back to face a wide smirk.

“I’ll text you once I’m off, you can persuade Lis to make up an extra plate for dinner?” she drops a lingering kiss to Vanessa’s lips and she sighs contently in response before nodding.

“Deal, best behaviour with Chas please, I’m not coming out in the cold to bail you out!”

A wink and a mock salute are all she’s offered in return before Charity turns to the bar and Vanessa steels herself to face the cold.

The village is quiet as she makes her way back to the farm, the bitter weather now having driven everyone inside after a few glorious days of sun. The sign on David’s shop is getting battered by the wind and she notices he’s dragged the flower cart inside to avoid a petal massacre across the street.

The day’s rain has turned the farm’s dirt track to mostly sludge and she curses as she watches her grey trainers turn a grimy shade of black. She turns as she reaches the metal gate leading to the outhouses, reminding herself of Lisa’s shouting whenever the boys bring their mucky wellies in through the front. The ground only worsens as she starts towards the back door, grass dampened down into piles of thick mud and threatening puddles causing Vanessa to veer from her path. She tucks her head further down into the collar of her winter coat as she nears the door, the wind having caused her ears to burn with the cold. 

As she’s a few feet away, she suddenly feels as though the wind has violently pushed her back, staggering as she tries to find her footing and avoid falling backwards. It’s only when a sinister voice curdles her blood that she notices the arm tightly wrapped around her chest while another comes round to hook under her chin, putting enough pressure on her windpipe to cause her to cough as she tries to breath in.

“Came quite a way not to be found didn’t you Miss Woodfield?”

Vanessa’s eyes slam shut at the words as her arms flail around below her. This can't be happening. This is it, this is everything she’d been fearful of for weeks, everything she’d only just managed to push to the back of her mind. Naturally, she’d been stupid enough to think that this was her  _ life _ now, a family who care, a quiet town, a stunning woman who actually likes her. Course not, how could she think she’d be lucky enough to  _ escape _ this, to put her trust in those men who’d barely contacted her since dumping her outside the cottage.

She tries to yell on instinct but a gloved hand is slammed against her mouth as she’s dragged backwards, mud filling her shoes as her feet fail to keep up, giving way under her as the man behind her takes most of the weight. It takes a few seconds but then it kicks in, she remembers herself, Vanessa Woodfield, tiny but fierce as hell and she begins to twist in his hold, tensing every muscle in her body as she tries to find any bit of leeway to get away.

Her eyes are frantic as she glances around, attempting to figure out where the hell he’s taking her as they stumble together towards the paddocks. Vanessa screws her eyes shut tightly and makes a decision. She bites down hard on his hand, managing to get to him through the glove and he barks out in pain.

“Little  _ bitch _ !” He spits “I’d suggest you let this happen Vanessa, no one is home, no one is coming for you. Maybe if you’re good, I’ll make this less painful.”

She feels the frustrated tears start to burn in her eyes as she tries desperately to get enough oxygen into her lungs, gasping against his hand as her throat tires of her screeching. They jerk as he slips slightly on a patch of grass and it gives her enough purchase to find her feet again, digging into the ground as harshly as she can to try and slow them down.

He grunts as she hitches herself up on her toes and throws her head back, slamming the crown of her head into his nose. She can hear him spit somewhere to their right as he continues to draw them further down the path towards the barn, a haze of red blood in her peripheral as she realises she must have caught his nose. She tries again, this time biting down hard at the same time. He groans again and loosens his hold ever so slightly, leaving Vanessa enough time to use it to her advantage. She manages to reach her hand up to hook under his elbow and pulls down, ignoring the searing pain in her bad arm as she kicks back and up into his groin. 

She turns quickly as she realises his arms are no longer around her neck and she runs, her heart pounding in her chest she runs as fast as her legs will take her. She can see the break in the fence opposite the barn and hopes the solid thud of adrenaline pumping through her veins will get her there. As she nears the far wall of the barn, she tries to lengthen her strides, acutely aware of the heavy breathing closing in behind her and as she sees the mud turn to dirt again on the track, her hope grows. 

But then suddenly all she can see is the clouds, black and heavy filling the sky, dots floating across her vision as she chokes, winded on her back as she’s crushed into the mud below. Her feet taken from under her, she’d been thrown to the ground, his grip vicious on her wrists as he pins her to the grass.

“I asked you  _ nicely _ Vanessa, you can’t blame me for how I need to handle this now.”

She feels the throb in her head radiate pain through to the rest of her body as she’s hauled up from the ground, black beginning to cloud the rest of her vision.

*****

The pub has lulled to a quiet murmur as Charity leans against the bar, a pen resting against the side of her mouth as she stares down as her crossword.

“Six across, nine letters, inattentive.” She muses, tapping the pen gently against her bottom lip.

“Lazy bitch?” Chas pipes up from her spot pulling a pint for Jimmy, he chuckles as she pushes it across the bar to him and takes his offered fiver. Charity fakes a smile towards Chas and raises two fingers to Jimmy, wiping the smile from his face as he trudges back to his seat. 

“That is  _ two  _ words, you dipshit, and it’s  _ apathetic. _ ” She scribbles the letters down into the boxes and refuses to raise her head as she notices Chas’ trainers lining up next to her own. She eventually looks up, rolling her eyes ready for the smug look across her cousin’s face.

“You know what’s  _ pa- _ thetic. Your constant drooling over Sophia, your big dopey love-heart eyes and the fact that despite all that, you still refuse to ask her out properly!”

Charity’s eyes narrow as she moves to jab her pen into Chas’ side. Chas dodges the attack easily and laughs as she crosses the bar, grabbing some empties and slinging them into the dishrack.

“I do not  _ drool _ , I do not have  _ love-heart eyes _ and  _ who _ I ask out  _ when _ is none of your beeswax.” She grumbles as Chas risks more onslaught to stand beside her again.

“Charity, you’ve smiled more since that girl has been around than I’ve seen since I’ve  _ known  _ you. She looks at you like your God’s bloody gift to Yorkshire and honestly, you’d be good together.”

Chas’ expression is genuine and it removes the scowl from Charity’s face after a few seconds. She eases back against the bartop and sighs as she stares down at her feet. Her voice is barely audible when she speaks.

“I like her, I do, it’s just, you  _ know _ she might not be here much longer. What am I supposed to do, ask her to be my girlfriend, then have to deal with it when she says no and heads back to wherever she’s really from in a police car?”

A sympathetic smile is shot her way as she looks back up, chewing roughly at the inside of her cheeks. She’s known Vanessa would eventually have to leave since the day she got here, but she’d managed to push that fact further and further into the depths of her mind as she’s let the other girl slowly into every cell of her being. It’s daft, so  _ bloody  _ stupid, but who was she to refuse trusting eyes, a beautiful smile and a kind heart practically shoved under her nose

“Look, I don’t know how the sodding logistics are supposed to work Charity, but you idiots fancy the pants off each other, you should just go for it.” Chas words are faded in the background as Charity starts to wonder how the hell she’s supposed to say goodbye, see off the best thing that’s happened to her in years, possibly  _ ever _ .

“Hell, maybe you should go with her, the village is getting weirder by the day y’know. Some creep was in here earlier asking around for a  _ Vanessa _ , didn’t even buy a bloody pint before grunting and storming back out.”

Her blood runs cold, head whipping back to Chas as she registers the words.

“Asking for who?”

“Vanessa someone, don’t know, he didn’t exactly stick around to divulge all the details, prick he was.” Chas shakes her head and wipes at a spill on the bar with a stained cloth.

“Chas, where did he go?” Her cousin looks up with her brows pulled together in confusion, but it only lasts a second before her eyes go wide at Charity’s expression, eyes brimming with panic and hands shaking.

“I don’t know, Charity, why, what’s goin’ on? You’re freaking me out.” Chas places a hand on Charity’s shoulder and shakes gently, trying to bring out some semblance of a coherent explanation.

“She’s not  _ Sophia _ , Chas.” Charity’s voice is a croak, her complexion void of colour as she moves towards the back of the bar, legs taking her without her permission.

Chas’ breathing picks up as she takes in Charity’s insinuation, Sophia. Someone is here for Sophia. Someone who looked like he was one move away from snapping someone’s neck. She throws the cloth onto the bar top and is following Charity’s steps out of the back door before she can even think about who’s left manning the pub.

*****

When she wakes, her head is throbbing painfully, a dull ache echoing throughout her body as she tries to open her eyes. She feels weak, like she’s gone a few rounds with Mike Tyson and she moves to bring a hand to her clammy forehead. She’s stopped immediately, her hands restrained somehow and she tugs against it as hard as she can as she starts to recognise her surroundings. She’s in the barn, sat opposite where she’d set up Marco and Peggy’s pen a few weeks ago, straw stuck to her shoes where they lay splayed across the ground and something digging painfully into her back.

The pain shoots between her eyes as she glances around, eventually coming to fully and seeing that she’s been tied to the timber fencing that keeps the stacks of hay bales in place. Her heart lurches in her chest and she cries out in pain, only registering a muffled sound that escapes her as she feels whatever it is that has been stuffed into her mouth to keep her quiet. Panic rises into her throat as she looks around for him, the barn shrouded in darkness as the doors have been shut firmly behind them.

“She wakes. And there I was thinking I’d taken all the fun out of it for myself by killing you too early.”

Her stomach drops to her feet as his voice reverberates around the walls. She sees him then, a figure moving through the shadows in the corner to stand in front of her. His face is nothing like she’s seen in her nightmares, eyes alight with sadistic pleasure at the way she’s writhing to get out of her position. The fear is suffocating but she still manages to push herself to move, to not crumble and lead him to believe she’s done fighting, kicking her legs out.

“Oh give over Vanessa, you knew this had to happen eventually sweetheart. You should have stayed on that platform in the first place, we both know that.”

Alongside the white hot fear in her blood, she can feel the anger seeping into each crack in her armour. She tries to speak, fully aware that she won’t be understood behind the material clamped between her teeth, but determined to have a voice. He edges forward and her legs move automatically, pulling in towards her body as she recoils from his approach. He crouches down until they’re eye level and she makes a feeble attempt to calm her shaking limbs as she meets his gaze. She closes her eyes firmly as he reaches out towards her, heartbeat in her throat now, and she whines in despair as he pulls the cloth from her mouth, letting it fall limply around her neck.

“Seems cruel, to steal your last words from you. Go ahead, who’re you gonna pray to Vanessa, who do you wanna tell that you love so  _ very _ dearly?”

He smiles and she can feel her tears spill over with frustration. As she moves to speak, she feels the scratch in her throat, dry after her yelling.

“Why couldn’t you have just left me here? I wasn’t doing any harm to you, the police clearly didn’t even get to you.”

She spits out the last few words, fury bubbling in her chest at the people who’ve let her down, people who were supposed to protect her. 

“They haven’t,  _ yet _ . That’s the point Vanessa, once  _ you’re _ gone, the last trace of what happened is gone too. We can go back to doing what we do, without worrying about the little people in our way.”

His voice is calm, his posture relaxed as though talking to a child.

“So I’m an inconvenience to you? That’s it? It’s worth taking my life because I saw something I shouldn’t have? I don’t even know who he was, the man you shot!!”

He rolls his eyes in boredom and suddenly Vanessa’s reminded of familiar green eyes doing the same thing, so far away from the figure in front of her. He rocks back on his heels and reaches behind his back as if getting something from his pocket, Vanessa’s eyes trained on his hand.

“This is beginning to tire me now sweetheart, I won’t have very long before your little fake family clock on and come bumbling through the doors with absolutely no plan. To be honest, I’d rather save myself the trouble and just stick to  _ one  _ of you today.”

Vanessa’s thoughts flash to Belle, Lisa, Sammy. Charity. Her mind is made up and her response is out of her mouth before she can question it.

“They’ve done nothing wrong,  _ they’re _ not in your way, I am. So just get it over with and get out of here,” she hates how weak her voice sounds but the sheer feeling of dread in her stomach at the thought of the Dingles coming to any harm wins over.

Something shines in the slither of light that passes under the uneven barn doors and her eyes catch it immediately. The blade is long, long enough to cause damage without much effort, long enough to reach every part of Vanessa that’s trembling in fear.

“Good girl, see, easy.” The tip of the knife points into her the underside of her chin and she feels a sting as it pierces the skin slightly. She lifts her head as encouraged and watches as he observes her.

“Pity, pretty little thing.” The knife moves from its place under the jaw and drags down her front until it reaches her abdomen. Everything inside her shifts as she takes in what he’s about to do. 

Her entire life, a warped relationship with a family who never wanted her, friends who’ve taken advantage of her, sleepless nights of worry for a career she so desperately wanted. Something to fulfil her, finally. For what?

The Dingles, Emmerdale, finally, she gets it. These riotous, mismatched, loyal people who’ve given her everything she’d ever tried to achieve. Never asking her to be someone she’s not, even when she was doing  _ just that _ . 

Charity. A whirlwind of crassness and harsh reality, sarcasm dripping from every word and a detached air about her that would shut anyone down in seconds. Yet, of all the people in the world, she let Vanessa in, trusted the one person who couldn’t stay - the one person who wouldn’t be given a choice.

All of her thoughts begin to float away as she registers a cold feeling at her side followed by a gut-wrenching pain. She opens her mouth to scream but all that leaves her is a ragged gasp. 

Her world begins to turn to dark as she registers the feeling of blood dripping down her side onto the ground below and she’s almost gone before she hears it, muffled in her daze. What sounds like a gunshot and the heavy footfalls of a man, shouting in the background and then, clear as day.

“Ness, look at me, Vanessa, stay awake. Please, you _ have _ to stay awake.  _ Don’t go _ .”

******


	10. Thorn In My Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charity waits by Vanessa's hospital bedside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your lovely comments so far, wasn't planning on writing this til tomorrow but hey ho, here it is :) Enjoy!

She looks so small, so unbelievably fragile under the harsh white lighting that it makes Charity’s heart seize in her chest every time she wakes. It’s closing in on thirteen hours in this damn chair now but no matter how crick her neck is feeling or how numb her legs have gone, she isn’t moving. She couldn’t, even if she tried. 

She’d managed to stay awake for the first nine hours but eventually the day’s events had taken hold and she’d found herself jerking awake every so often, having fallen asleep stiffly against the arm of the chair. Every time, her heart raced and her arms would shoot out, worrying that the steady beeping of the machines had changed since she’d succumbed to sleep. But there was nothing each time, “ _ no change _ ” as she kept being told, surgery had gone as well as they could have hoped, Vanessa is stable, they just have to be  _ patient _ .

Charity had thought her little outburst in the waiting room would have suggested to them that she’s not exactly the patient type, yet here she sits, adjusting herself every half hour and making sure her hand is back in Vanessa’s before she lets her eyes shut.

She shuffles closer now, wanting to eliminate any space she can between them and resting her head on her arms as she slumps forward to rest on the edge of the bed. She lets her eyes trace a path from Vanessa’s still hand up to her jawline, her pale skin no longer clammy like when they’d brought her in and finally clean of any blood Charity had left from where she’d held a trembling hand over her wound. 

The last time she’d used her voice was screaming at a sour looking nurse and so it’s hoarse when she speaks.

“C’mon Ness, if I can barely wait for my tea to cool down before I drink it, how the hell am I supposed to keep it together waiting for you to come back, hey?”

She waits for a response regardless of the fact she knows she won’t get one. Reaching out her fingers cautiously, she brushes them back and forth gently over Vanessa’s upper arm, calmed slightly by the warmth still emanating from her body. She’d broken out in a cold sweat in the ambulance, Charity holding a towel to her head while the paramedics put a cannula into her hand; it was only once she’d returned from theatre that Charity had been able to wrap a warm hand in her own.

“I’m sorry.” She’s betrayed by the crack in her voice as she feels the familiar welling of tears in her eyes, ones that hadn’t really left since they’d sped away from Wishing Well.

“I shouldn’t have let you go back on your own, I shouldn’t have let you go  _ at all _ . Too fucking busy worrying about how how the hell I’m supposed to say goodbye to you at the end of all this to even remember we were supposed to keep you  _ safe _ .”

She rubs her eyes across her damp sleeve to rid her cheeks of tears, mumbling the last few words against the material and feeling the anger creeping back into her veins. Her hands stills on Vanessa’s arm for a moment as she gathers herself, breathing still ragged.

“Lisa’s keeping everyone from doing their nut in but you can tell she’s terrified, she even snapped at Sammy for pacing the corridor like a madman.” Her voice sounds empty but she fills the silence anyway, not able to listen to the beeping much longer without going stir crazy.

“Belle’s been wrapped up in Uncle Zak’s arms since last night, she stopped crying after a while, ended up doing those tiny little hiccups that make your heart break.” She pauses as she clears her throat, attempting to dislodge the lump that’s formed there. “Even Cain’s here, Ness. You’ve got a whole Dingle clan out there refusing to move, you need to wake up before the nurses try and chuck them out again. It’ll be a right brawl.”

Charity chuckles but it’s hollow. She slides her hand down from Vanessa’s shoulder until it meets her hand. She takes a second to glance over the scars and what’s left of the bruising on her left arm, so close to being healed, so close to being rid of that reminder.

“They all keep looking at me with those sad eyes, like I’m about to break and they don’t know how to handle it.” Her fingers twist around Vanessa’s and she runs her eyes over each nail, each knuckle and freckle.

“Chas keeps glaring at the nurses who come in, think she’s scared one of them so much that they’ve put someone else on her shift!” She manages a teasing tone but her voice remains barely louder than a whisper.

“She knows, watches me every time one of them walks in. She knows I’m petrified they’re just gonna tell me to say my goodbyes. Let you go, y’know. I don’t think I could,” she inhales deeply but barely feels her lungs fill, “just let you go before getting a chance to tell you what you mean to me.”

She turns her head back to the other side on her arms, facing up towards the other girl where her chest rises and falls rhythmically. Even pale and unmoving, she’s still the most beautiful thing Charity’s ever seen and her heart jumps back into her mouth.

“You’re  _ every _ thing, Ness. It’s been two months and you’ve just... flipped everything on its head. No one’s  _ ever _ made me feel like I’m worth something the way you have, no one’s bothered with me, no one’s rendered me completely and utterly pathetic like you have.”

For the first time since arriving at the barn the previous afternoon, Charity’s glad she can’t see bright blue looking back at her, looking into her and seeing how vulnerable she feels.

“The thought of you going back to London, back to your hopeless mates and shoddy excuse for a mother, I’d started feeling sick every time it popped into my head.” She pictures Vanessa alone in her bedroom, stressed out of her mind with no one there to tell her it’d be alright, the hairs on her arms standing on end as she bristles with frustration.

“But now...there are people here who  _ want _ you, Ness, people who care about you and want you to be happy.” Her voice is thick with tears now as she gives up trying to keep them at bay and lets them fall freely into the crook of her neck. 

“You can’t go cos there are people here who need you…  _ I  _ need you. I need you to stay, Ness... because frankly I’ve fallen head over sodding heels for you and I don’t think I can come back from that.” 

She chokes quietly on her tears and moves their hands until they’re resting against her mouth, pressing a tender kiss to the back of Vanessa’s palm. She watches the steady movement of the girl’s chest, trying to breathe with her to calm herself down, reassured by the strong pulse in Vanessa’s wrist as she lays her lips there. Her eyes droop once more, the exhaustion seeping through her bones as she rests her head back down onto her forearms. 

“I told you I’m staying put Ness, but I want you with me. Stay with me.”

*****

A jerk on her hand and a whine is what wakes Vanessa. She moves her to open her eyes but her lids are heavy and the light they let in is so bright it almost blinds her. She screws them shut tightly before trying again, squinting against the glare as they adjust, eventually opening fully onto a white panelled ceiling.

She tries instinctively to lift her head up to observe her surroundings but she’s immediately made aware of a searing pain in her body, starting in her chin and throbbing violently down to her side. She hisses as she slumps back down in shock, waiting for it to dull again until she feels another twitch in her left hand accompanied by a frightened whimper. 

Twisting her head to the side and wincing against the tug she feels in her chin, her heart flies violently into her throat at the source. Charity is curled up in a chair next to her and her features are screwed up in pain, her legs protectively tucked up against her chest and her one hand in Vanessa’s squeezing tightly as she shakes. Vanessa edges herself up onto her bad elbow, ignoring the immediate complaint from her body as she glances around the room and recognises where they are.

Memories flood her brain so quickly that it causes her to clamp her eyes shut again, the barn, cold, the blade in his hand, Charity’s voice. They snap open again to her wrists, rope burn evident across her skin, her good hand reaching under her chin where she feels a dressing over the wound he inflicted before puncturing her side. Her eyes find the blonde again and dread fills her stomach.

“Charity?” she squeezes their joined hands as hard as she can, coughing to bring her voice back to her after however long she’d been asleep.

“Charity, wake up.” Her voice is louder now and she watches the furrow in the blonde’s brow ease at the sound. She’s still not awake, a broken whine leaving her lips as her body tenses. Vanessa pulls on her hand harder, once, then twice, relief pounding in her chest when green eyes eventually flicker open, scared and wide, her breathing ragged and she tries to reel it back in. 

It takes a few seconds for her to come to before she realises what’s woken her, her eyes darting to the hand in hers and then up to the pools of blue staring worriedly back at her. Vanessa manages a weak smile and it’s barely seconds before Charity is throwing herself forward, stopping just short of the bed, remembering Vanessa’s injuries.

She croaks out a noise which sounds like the start of Vanessa’s name but then her eyes are glazed over with tears and Vanessa’s hand instinctively moves to her jaw to swipe at the drops that fall. Her heart thuds loudly in her chest as Charity leans into the contact, forgetting her attempt to speak and pressing wet lips to the palm cradling her.

“Hey, I’m fine.” She regrets the words as soon as they leave her mouth, Charity pulling away from her hand and mournful, watery eyes flashing with disbelief.

“Fine! Ness, you are not bloody  _ fine _ ! You had a four inch blade rammed into your stomach while you were tied like some fucking hostage to a fence!  _ Fine _ is not the word.” There’s anger in her words but Vanessa knows it isn’t aimed at her, the eyes boring into hers still concerned and full of care.

Charity’s voice is rough as if she’s been screaming and Vanessa closes her eyes firmly as she tries to push away the thoughts of the blonde watching her bleed out on the barn floor. Her eyelids flutter open again when she feels a finger sweep across her jaw to her chin, Charity sat there observing her carefully before she meets her gaze, more appeased than before.

“How’s the pain, do you want me to get someone?”

Her hand tugs as she moves to leave the chair and Vanessa’s gut churns at the thought of her going anywhere. She grasps slender fingers tightly and the blonde looks back to her with a confused frown.

“Please don’t leave, I’m alright, just...don’t leave.” Charity’s face is heartbroken and she pulls the chair closer to Vanessa’s side before sitting with her legs tucked underneath her.

They sit in silence for a while, Charity’s eyes never leaving her face as she takes in the room. It’s still dark outside through the thin blinds and when she finds a clock on the far wall she notices it’s only just approaching six in the morning. There’s another vacant chair on her right hand side and a small window with the blinds completely shut, she assumes Charity drew them to keep the many sets of Dingle eyes away. The complicated looking machines surrounding the head of the bed beep quietly and she feels sick for a moment when she notices the drip attached to her right hand.

“What happened? I heard a bang and your voice before I must have passed out.” She tangles her fingers loosely in the blonde’s, smiling gently when they find their place automatically and brush circles against her thumb.

“Uh..” Charity clears her throat, inhaling sharply before speaking, “Chas told me someone had been in the pub asking for  _ Vanessa _ , didn’t take me long to click who that was. We ran to the cottage, started banging on the doors until Zak came walking across one of the fields, told him what was going on and we split up to look around. Chas found...drag marks leading up to the gate and she came running back to us once she’d heard a noise.” 

The blonde’s eyes shoot to the ceiling for a second as she blinks away the threat of returning tears, Vanessa simply squeezes her hand and shoots her a reassuring smile as she breathes out shakily.

“Um, so, Zak ran to one of the outhouses, came back with a sodding great rifle,” Vanessa’s eyes widen but Charity powers on, “we ran down to the barn and barged in while that piece of scum was leaning over you.” Charity spits out, eyes darting over to Vanessa’s side where she’s aware of a painful ache. She takes a moment, looking straight into blue eyes as though she needs the rest to sink in more than anything.

“Zak shot him, square in the chest, he’s  _ dead _ , Ness.”

Vanessa’s breath hitches as the sound of the bang echoes around her head. He’s gone, she’s still here, alive and he’s  _ gone _ . Relief flows through her chest and the pain eases for a second as she allows the fact to wash over her.

“I got to you first, tried holding my jumper over your wound, tried to get you to stay awake but you were losing too much blood. Chas called the ambulance and I went with you until they took you to emergency surgery. Only took a few texts before the rest showed up, been here ever since, all out there clogging up the waiting room.”

Charity smiles softly as she wipes at the tears Vanessa didn’t know had escaped. The blonde still looks nervous and bites down hard on her lip, eyes focused back on the door until she hears Vanessa’s voice.

“What’s wrong?” Vanessa hopes her gaze is reassuring rather than worried as she waits for the answer, a hand tightening around hers. Charity’s hesitant but lets her shoulders droop as she explains.

“The police were here, the local coppers asking all the questions under the damn sun, but those other fellas as well, your blokes from down south.” She gives her an understanding smile when Vanessa tenses in reply. She hadn’t even thought about them, not since bitching with Charity while they were laying in bed, ranting about how useless they’d been the past few weeks. She’d had barely any contact so the fact they’d driven all the way up overnight stops her short.

“You were still out so they asked Zak and Chas what they could and said they’d come back when you were awake,  _ if  _ you were awake.” The anguish returns to the blonde’s eyes for a second before they lighten. “They took one look at me and decided against giving me the third degree, I think.” She laughs quietly and Vanessa smiles at the sound.

She pulls on Charity’s hand until she gets a questioning look in response, jerking her head towards the bed and lifting her other hand to pat the space beside her. Charity’s face immediately looks torn as she starts to shake her head.

“ _ Ness _ , no. I’ll hurt you, you’ve got barely any space as it is and…”

“And I want even less. You won’t hurt me you daft mare just come here,” she can see the reluctance in those green eyes and tugs again until they meet hers, a soft grin spreading across Vanessa’s face as she tries to encourage her, “please?”

Charity chews on the inside of her cheek before sighing heavily and lifting herself out of the chair. She stands on shaky legs and shifts her weight from side to side as she feels the pins and needles appear in her feet. Vanessa eases her upper half to the right without much trouble but when she yelps in pain trying to move her lower body, Charity’s hands are over her in seconds. She gives Vanessa a look that screams “ _ told you so _ ” before gently winding her hands under her back, lifting with Vanessa as she manages to shuffle over. 

She’s deliberate as she climbs onto the bed, her hip barely brushing against Vanessa’s side as she tucks her feet under the thin covers, pulling them up to cover them both up to their waists. When she settles back against the pillow, she leans in and presses a soft kiss to Vanessa’s hairline, resting there for a good few seconds before turning to face the ceiling with her and melding their hands together. 

Vanessa’s chest feels infinitely lighter, the breath returning to her lungs easier now as she leans her head down onto a warm shoulder. She can hear Charity’s breathing even out next to her and she whispers into the cool air, hoping not to rouse her if she’s finally able to sleep.

“Thank you for staying with me.”

There’s not a moment’s hesitation before a tired voice replies, causing her heart to flutter the way it always does with Charity’s words.

“Thank  _ you _ for staying with  _ me _ .”

*****

“Thought she were gonna knock that poor lass out at one point.” The sound of various Dingles’ laughter echoes around the room as Zak recounts their experience arriving at the hospital, all piling out of the Jeep and bowling through the doors to the A&E. 

Charity had eventually been persuaded to let the others know she was awake, heaving out a sigh and easing the door open a fraction before turning back with a reluctant expression. Vanessa had simply raised an eyebrow and shooed her out, hearing the barrage of questions that met the blonde on the other side. She’d chuckled to herself as Charity had managed to silence them with her sharp tongue and allowed them to slink one by one through the door as long as they promised to behave. 

She’d hauled Belle up onto the end of the bed at Vanessa’s feet and rounded the bed to rejoin her once the little girl had managed to settle still for more than a few seconds. Charity had held her hand tightly under the covers as Vanessa had managed to explain who the man was, getting those familiar sets of kind eyes and understanding smiles in return. It had taken a good few tries and a lot of laughter before Belle used her real name without needing to be reminded, but her beaming grin hadn’t faltered once, her hand still patting Vanessa’s legs over the sheet as she offered to bring in her favourite teddy. 

According to Zak, they’d approached the reception to try and find her but had heard Charity’s shouting from the opposite end of the corridor before they could open their mouths. The nurse had refused to tell her anything about Vanessa’s condition due to the fact she wasn’t family and safe to say, it hadn’t gone down well. Charity blushes beside her and slouches further down the bed as the others describe her outburst.

“She practically held a bloody sit-in in front of your door once they’d brought you back from surgery, love.” Chas’ laugh is light as she looks between the two, head tilting to smile stupidly when Vanessa turns her head and brushes her nose against the blonde’s temple. Charity’s scowl breaks as she scoots ever closer to the girl next to her.

“Look, it was daft, I was the one who came in with her, they should have let me stay.” Vanessa squeezes their hands and catches Charity’s eyes as she nods in agreement.

“Imagine if they’d only been able to let my mother in. For one, she’s not even here, but also, the woman doesn’t even like me, well... and vice versa.”

She gets a few chuckles and a knowing look from the blonde next to her, emerald eyes now mostly free of worry after a few hours of calm and a doctor reassuring them her levels were looking “promising”. 

Belle looks up at her from where she’s walking a toy cow across her knees, brows pulled together in question. “We’re allowed though cos we’re family! Mam said!”

Vanessa feels Charity inhale sharply next to her as her own eyes begin to fill again. She blinks rapidly and tilts her head back before turning back to Belle with a beam spread across her face, glancing quickly to a grinning Lisa before answering.

“Yeah darling, cos you’re family.”

Coffee guy and the sweaty one arrive after another hour’s passed. They knock loudly against the door, waiting for Vanessa’s permission before stepping in, eyes widening at the amount of people crammed into every available space in the small room. 

The older of the two asks to speak to Vanessa alone, although everyone seems to understand that it’s more of a demand than a request. They slowly filter out of the room, shooting winks and waves her way as they head back to the waiting room outside. Coffee guy looks pointedly at Charity where she remains tucked into Vanessa’s side, eyebrow raising as if to silently usher her out after them. She huffs out a sigh and the sheets rustle as she moves to clamber off the bed but has only got one leg over the side when Vanessa’s arm shoots out to stop her, wrapping her fingers gently around her wrist.

“You don’t have to go, Charity.” Her voice is quiet, words leaving her quickly in a signal that she really doesn’t want the blonde going anywhere.

“Actually Miss Woodfield, we ideally need to have a word with you…”

“Whatever you need to tell me, ask me, whatever, you can say in front of her too. She’s been with me through all of this, funnily enough my  _ only _ support along with her family.”

She feels her heart thump resolutely behind her ribs when Charity lifts her leg back onto the bed and places a hand over her robe covered thigh, pressing firmly in reassurance. The two men have the decency to look embarrassed at her words, shuffling awkwardly on the lino as they take their places in the available chairs.

“As I’m sure you’ve been made aware by now, the man who attacked you, Harry Cole, is dead and we’ve been able to secure many of his henchmen in their base near Hackney. He’d been planning to come for a few weeks now after securing your location.”

Vanessa bristles, cold filling her chest at the name and anger in her veins at the calm and collected attitude of the men in front of her. Charity leans in closer to her as she squeezes her leg again, evidently just as furious as she lets out a breath that sounds more like a growl.

“I know he’s dead, you’re a bit late on that one. How the hell did he find me? You said I was  _ safe  _ here, wasn’t that the whole point?” Her right hand clenches in and out of a fist as she tries to keep her tone calm, knowing full well if she shouts, she’ll be in for a world of pain. Coffee guy leans forward in his chair, hand rubbing at his jaw before he explains.

“You left an item, a scarf, behind on the station platform that night.” Vanessa’s mind flies back through the memories of that night, what she was wearing, how she ran, remembering easily the patterned yellow she’d tucked securely into her coat.

“I got it for Christmas a few years ago,” her voice is faint as she recalls, “pretty much the only gift from my mother I actually liked.” She lifts a hand to her neck as if to place it back around her, tapping gently where the knot would lie. As she allows herself to remember, Charity pipes up next to her.

“So they had her  _ scarf _ , how the hell would anyone get a location from a scarf?” Her tone is hard, eyes dark in a stark contrast to the warm hand dancing along Vanessa’s skin.

“It was covered in your fingerprints and somehow, we’re not entirely sure, they managed to run them through a system which led them to us, where obviously they’d recently been scanned into our database too.” The sweaty one looks nervous, “We did explain, these people are high up, prints  _ are  _ useful to them when they have the technology or the people at their disposal.”

“So what you’re saying is your cyber security is such utter shite that it puts peoples’ lives at risk?” The blonde trembles slightly at Vanessa's side and so she slides fingers between her own, pulling them up to rest against her side where her wound aches and Charity softens straight away.

“Our cyber security is up to standards Miss Dingle, we were not anticipating the resources they drew on. We can only apologise but we’re also able to of  _ course _ provide you with the appropriate counselling once you’ve returned home.”

The word  _ home _ swims around her mind, her blood suddenly running cold at the idea of leaving Emmerdale, the Dingle family, her family. Her Charity.

She’d almost managed to forget that she was expected to eventually return to London, back to her dingy room, busy friends and uninterested mother who only required her presence at Christmas to entertain her friends. She instinctively leans into the blonde’s side, closing her eyes when she feels Charity’s nose turn into her hair, breath quicker now but still there, still solid.

“Your family members and friends have been informed, they were understandably shocked but very much looking forward to having you back. Your mother has suggested diving back into work when you can.”

She scoffs out a laugh, a real laugh, before her tone turns sour. She opens her eyes and stares him down, watching as the lanky figure shrinks back into his seat.

“Of course she did, couldn’t have me cluttering up her space while I recover from a near fatal stab wound, God  _ forbid _ !”

Vanessa can just imagine the conversation that took place between the police and her mother, her regal voice detached as she hums along in understanding, the small issue of murder, stabbing and a new identity flying over her head while she worries about where she’s supposed to put the thirty new sets of China she’s displayed in Vanessa’s old room.

She decides to remain quiet while the men talk  _ at  _ her, explaining where they’re supposed to go from here. She’ll  _ so graciously _ be given time to recover and they will ensure the case is wrapped up, then when she’s ready, a driver will come to collect her and deposit her back at the dreary flat for her to continue her life as though nothing’s happened.

As if her life hasn’t completely changed, as if she hasn’t found people who make her feel more like herself than she ever has, as if she hasn’t plunged head first into adoration for the girl next to her.

They slowly begin to gather their coats when Vanessa stops replying, offering her a card on the way out so she’s able to get in touch. She lets it lay at the bottom of the bed while Coffee Guy backs away, a weary smile on his face before the door clicks behind them. She ponders for a minute, wondering whether or not this has all been some sort of twisted dream or whether this, this absolute majority  _ shit _ show, is actually her life. 

She turns to Charity, half expecting her to be gone, just a figment of her overactive imagination. But she’s there, face drained of its colour, eyes wide and staring blankly at the opposite wall. Vanessa turns as much as she dares onto her side and tucks just enough hair behind the blonde’s ear for her to see the profile she’s now committed to memory.

“Charity? Are you alright?” She keeps her voice low, almost as though she’s scared to break the blonde out of her trance.

Piercing green snaps to her own now, a soft smile working its way across her lips but not quite reaching her eyes. Vanessa can see exactly what those cogs in her head are turning over, she has to leave, she has to stuff herself and all of her belongings into a musty estate car and drive away from the life she’s built here.

“I should go and get some of your stuff from the house, your phone’s probably ringing off the hook and you don’t have any clothes,” she starts to ease her way out of Vanessa’s hold and swings her legs until they pad softly on the ground.

“You can’t be in that gown forever, you could also probably do with your toothbrush and that, your stupidly fruity shampoo,” she stands before Vanessa can grab her, running a shaky hand through her hair and wandering over to the chair where she left her things, reaching for her phone and pretending to check for messages.

“Charity…” Vanessa tries but her words continue to fly over the blonde’s head as she babbles on. The healed cracks in her heart threaten to tear open as she watches Charity’s eyes dart around looking for things to pick up and delay her before she eventually has to leave the room, leave Vanessa.

“If you want anything else, I can make sure Lisa texts me for it and I’ll pick it up, or she can, whatever, doesn’t really matter does it I suppose...”

“Charity, come here.” She screeches sharply to a stop near the foot of the bed, eyes trained on the checkered pattern of the covers and a wobbly lip pulled harshly between her teeth, hard enough to draw blood. She moves, slowly and deliberately as though expecting Vanessa to change her mind and encourage her to leave. As soon as she’s close enough Vanessa pulls on her arm, the girl dropping back to the bed next to her with a sigh.

“First of all, you’re not going anywhere, I’ll ask Lisa to grab anything I need but I also need you,  _ here _ , with me. Once these painkillers wear off, I’ll remember the pain and I already know the only thing, only person, that will ease it.” Charity crosses her legs in front of her, picking at the hem of Vanessa’s robe sleeve while the other girl watches her with a lopsided smile.

“Second of all, I don’t know  _ what _ I’m doing yet so can we just lay here and try to sleep for a bit before we wake up and have to deal with all of that?” When Charity doesn’t respond, she carefully leans forward to kiss her neck gently, just managing to suck in the gasp of pain she feels. She leans back and smirks when she sees the flicker of a grin appearing.

Pulling on Charity’s sleeves, it doesn’t take much for her to be followed back down to the pillow, their heads touching at the temple while Vanessa brings their hands up above them to observe how their fingers fit together. They’re silent for a while, Charity keeping her head close enough to occasionally drop down and listen to Vanessa heartbeat while the other girl pulls the knots out of her hair. 

“Ness?” It startles her but she readjusts and presses lips to Charity’s hair, humming a yes before kissing gently.

“What are you gonna do?” The words are laced with fear and shaky and Vanessa wishes she could turn onto her front and bury herself in Charity’s warm neck, inhaling the scent she knows so well. Instead she kisses her head again and murmurs back.

“I don’t know, I really don’t.”

And she doesn’t. What is she supposed to do now, choose the life she’s made for herself here or dump everything and return to the life she  _ thought  _ she was made for?

*****   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter - @bee_isaac for any future prompts.


	11. Rest Is Best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa mulls things over while she recovers at Wishing Well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it's up! Nearing the end now! Thank you for your lovely comments as always, hope you enjoy the update and feel free to drop prompts my way for future things, twitter @bee_isaac, go nuts.

The dial tone rings impatiently, the sound not entirely clear from where Vanessa’s perched herself on the windowsill to try and get more signal. Her thumbnail is wedged between her teeth as she nervously nibbles at the edges, waiting for the click. She’d mostly been confined to the bedroom since she’d been released from the hospital, Charity staying with her for a few nights until Chas had eventually needed her for a stag party at the Woolpack.

The blonde had soon made herself comfortable, a set of pyjamas tucked under Vanessa’s pillow and a comment about a “ _ milky dishwater”  _ everytime she brought her a cuppa. She’d set alarms in her phone for Vanessa’s painkillers and made her drink an entire glass of water every time without fail - “Doctor said you need to stay hydrated.” Vanessa had rolled her eyes and shook the empty glass to demonstrate when it was all gone. She hadn’t minded, it was the easiest sleep she’d had since leaving the ward, the one’s where Charity would pull her as close as she dared and kissed behind her ear before snoring quietly against her neck. 

When she’d left the evening before, she’d felt anxious for a few hours, suddenly having plenty of time to mull over her options in between changing dressings and sleeping. And… was she any closer to a decision? Far from it.

She’d had a brief conversation with her mother when she’d first arrived back, Lisa insisting she must be “ _ fretting like mad _ ”, naturally she wasn’t. She’d sounded surprised to even get the call, voice irritated like she’d been interrupted during her day of nosing on the neighbours and playing golf with her bitchy friends. She’d eventually asked a few basic questions which sounded forced, how was she, how were the staff at the hospital, was she staying there now instead of the ‘dreary little farm’. Her mother had ended the phone call after ten minutes, stating that Vanessa would be  _ far  _ better off back at university where she could  _ delve _ back into her placement, in her wise opinion. Vanessa herself had managed a few hums of false agreement in return and barely got a goodbye out before she heard a beep at the other end.

There’s static for a second before a familiar voice answers the phone, “Hello?”

“Rhona? It’s me.” She can hear the uncertainty in her own voice but gulps it back down, she’s more than capable of a normal conversation with her best friend. 

“Ness?! Oh thank  _ god, _ how are you?” The nickname makes Vanessa cringe now, sounding completely wrong leaving anyone’s mouth but Charity’s. She winces as she lowers herself back down onto the bed, her bum numb from the sill digging into her legs, toes wiggling in her thick socks.

“I’m alright, yeah. Well, as well as you can be for a few days post-stabbing and all.” A snort of laughter leaves her but it fades quickly when it meets silence at the other end. 

“Jesus Vanessa, I still can’t believe it. Me and Paddy thought you’d been driving yourself mad at your mum’s this whole time! The policeman said something about Yorkshire?”

She sounds baffled and Vanessa’s fully psyching herself up for the flood of questions, holding back the desire to start the story -  _ “Remember the night you ditched me for a shag with good ole’ Graham? Yeah, classic that, saw someone murdered and the rest is history!” _

“Yeah, a little village in the dales, it’s nice. Tiny but nice. It’s home now I guess, been a long two months.”

The line goes quiet for a moment but Vanessa can still hear the right words trying to formulate in Rhona’s brain. She’s expecting one of two things, a dramatic apology or a complete glossing over of the whole situation for Rhona to update her on her own ‘manic’ life. “ _ Graham’s got a pay rise”  _ or  _ “My fringe has totally grown out since you left.” _

“Ness…” Vanessa closes her eyes, holding back the snap before she can make it, “I’m so sorry.”  _ There  _ it is. Option number one.

“If I’d have known you were going to stay that late, I would have stayed with you. We could have split a cab, you would never have even needed to be there in the first place.” Rhona’s voice is clear and high-pitched, as if delivering top class solutions to the trauma that’s  _ already  _ happened.

“But you didn’t...and I  _ was _ there, Rhona. Can’t be undone now. I’m still alive so let’s just be grateful for that and leave it in the past, yeah?” She knows she’s being blunt, cruel even, but opening herself back up to the people in her normal life hasn’t made her any happier so far. It’s just been one painful reminder that she’s expected to go back, to return to her life and crack on, ignoring the violently sick feeling she gets in the pit of her stomach at the thought of leaving.

“So...when are you coming home? Or will you be going to your mum’s? How will it all work?”

Rhona’s question causes her to let out a hollow chuckle, the idea of being released into her mother’s care, the idea that coming back at all is making it  _ work _ . Being there has never been anything _ but _ work. Hard work, in her job, her studies, keeping her friendships afloat on her own, remembering to text her mother every week despite the lukewarm replies.

“I’m not sure, they’ve said I can decide, make sure I’m fully healed and all that. The uni’s said not to rush too, I’ve got all my deadlines extended, don’t have to finish the placement as long as I get my assignments in.” Her voice is distant, good news overshadowed by the notion that London could still  _ work  _ for her. 

“Oh that’s good, bet you’re excited to get things back to normal!” Her tone is so confident that it makes Vanessa grimace. Does she even attempt to explain to Rhona that she has a new normal now? That it’s the best normal she’s possibly ever known?

“I guess. They’re nice here though, I work on the farm most of the time so it’s not like I’m losing out on my vet’s knowledge…”

“Well, yeah, I mean it’s not quite the same but, sure.” Rhona’s obviously trying not to sound too confused and failing miserably. Vanessa tries desperately not to sigh in response, knowing this whole situation must seem insane to an outsider, to someone blissfully unaware of the happy chaos the Dingles bring.

“Look Rhona, it’s just been a lot to try and understand...to cope with, I guess...leaving. These people have been my family, my entire support system, they mean a lot to me now.”

She hears Rhona balk at the other end and clear her throat almost to cover the sound. Her eyes flicker over to the window where she can see Belle and Sammy in the paddocks, flashes of white passing in front of them every now and again as Marco and Peggy let out their energy. A smile works its way onto her face despite the change in mood the conversation has brought on.

“So you’re considering staying up there? In the middle of nowhere with people you  _ barely _ know? Ness, come on.” It’s patronising and Vanessa bristles immediately.

“Barely know? You have no idea, Rhona! You can’t even begin to fathom what they’ve done for me, what they’ve brought to my life…” she runs out of steam before she can get angry, her side aching with a brutal force and her head pounding, “I just...I need to think everything through, everything’s changed.”

Her best friend lets out a heavy breath at the other end, allowing the silence to stretch on so long that Vanessa considers hanging up.

“We haven’t changed, Ness. We’re still here. Just, promise me you’ll really think about what it would mean. We all want you home.” She sounds exhausted, almost like she’s already tired of having to ‘support’ Vanessa, tired of the focus not being on what’s best for her for once.

“I need to think about what home  _ is _ for me now, but I’ll make the right decision, I can promise you that much.” Her head leans back gently against the pillows as she listens to Rhona exhale an  _ okay _ and an unconvinced goodbye, mumbling her own quietly as she presses the red button and lets the phone fall to her side.

Well, that went  _ swimmingly. _

Why she expected Rhona to understand, she has no idea. Although how  _ could _ she without Vanessa taking her through every tiny thing that’s happened, every bone-crushing hug from Belle, every motherly remark from Lisa, every lingering touch from Charity. She knows realistically that to up and abandon her life in London would make no sense, but what part of the past two months has made  _ any  _ logical sense.

A hand comes up to her face and pinches the bridge of her nose in an attempt to ease the pain that’s thumping above her brows. She knows what she needs to do, but she also knows what she wants, and while the discomfort radiates through her body, that’s what wins out. She feels about for her phone and lifts it again. 

_ *Do you have any Frazzles at the pub?* _

*****

It’s not even ten minutes before she hears a bang on the front door, Lisa’s steady footsteps echoing throughout the house as she moves to answer it. She can hear the voice immediately and she smiles stupidly to herself, shaking her head at her automatic reaction. The boards creak one by one as heavy boots ascend the stairs, a mass of blonde curls poking around the door frame before an arm reaches out to rap quietly against the surface. Vanessa grins as she pipes up.

“Did you  _ sprint _ ?”

Charity tilts her head with a fake smile and pokes her tongue out as she yanks the shoes off her feet and steps inside. She wanders over to the bed and peels back the covers where Vanessa has left space for her, slipping in as carefully as she can so as not to jolt the settled body beside her.

“Pretty much, yeah. Chas saw my phone light up and just shooed me away before I could even ask to go on break.”

Vanessa chuckles and watches curiously as the blonde leans down to the floor where she’s deposited a carrier bag. She sits back up to face her with six different bags of crisps clutched in her hands, a nervous smile appearing as she goes to explain.

“We had Frazzles but then I thought you’d probably have changed your mind by the time I got here knowing you, better safe than sorry.”

She manages a lopsided smile and reaches her hand out for the burgundy packet, pinching the sides to pull it open while Charity rolls her eyes and dumps the others back on the floor. The blonde turns onto her side and Vanessa can feel eyes all over her as she places a crisp in her mouth.

“ _ Yes _ Charity, I’m still in one piece, just like when you left way less than twenty four hours ago…”

“Look, you got stabbed, I’m allowed to be neurotic, alright?” She meets amused blue eyes as she shoves her own hand in the packet to get a Frazzle, sighing when Vanessa opens her mouth with a grin. She turns her hand back and places it on Vanessa’s tongue instead, a smirk pulling at her lips when she chews happily in response.

“Seriously though, how’s the pain?” A gentle hand comes to rest across her stomach, fingertips stroking at the edge of her dressing under her T-shirt. She sighs at the touch and raises her arm to put the packet on the windowsill above them, her eyes finding concerned ones staring back at her.

“It’s okay, the painkillers haven’t really touched it this morning but I’m not moving much, couldn’t sleep last night so I haven’t had any energy to be honest.” Her fingers lace through Charity’s and she pulls them up to rest over her ribs, a thumb sneaking out to rub at the blonde’s in an attempt to reassure her.

“Why didn’t you text me, I’d have come round after we got those lads out! Would rather have been here than stuck tossing and turning at the pub.” 

Vanessa buries her head further into the pillow at the admission, knowing she should have just picked up the phone. A night apart right now was never going to end well, not without warm hands around her waist and the weird comforting sounds of Charity’s snoring.

“I know, I’m sorry,” she mumbles into the material, “I just didn’t want you to worry if you knew I wasn’t sleeping.”

The hand not clasped in her own comes up to move her hair away from her face, tucking it loosely behind her ears. She feels a shift on the mattress as Charity edges down, laying her own head on the pillow to catch Vanessa’s eyes.

“Ness, I hate to tell you this, but I’m gonna worry either way.” Her dopey smile is mirrored on Vanessa’s face as the blonde strokes long fingers softly against her jaw. 

She leans forward, nose nudging Charity’s out of the way as she kisses her lightly, a response received immediately as the fingers at her jaw curl up towards her hair and Charity moves to catch her bottom lip between her own.

The blonde pulls away first, resting her forehead against Vanessa’s before shaking her head slightly.

“Nope, you’re not doing what you did yesterday, getting me all riled up when you know  _ full well _ I won’t do anything about it.”

Vanessa laughs, squeezing the hands that are still joined and leaning back far enough to look her properly in the eyes. They’ve darkened ever so slightly but they’re still overflowing with worry and she can’t help the way her heart gets stuck in her throat at the sight.

She mouths a “ _ sorry _ ” before turning back to face the ceiling. She lets her eyes follow the pattern of the plaster that she knows well by now, swirling in long lines until it reaches the window, some of it cracked in places from the harsh winters it’s endured. It takes her a minute or two to realise that the pain isn’t as bad as it was before, her aching side not at the forefront of her mind while Charity draws unintelligible words onto her stomach with her free index finger.

“Spoke to Rhona this morning.” The hand stops suddenly, hovering over her skin for a second before returning to its ministrations. 

“Yeah? How did  _ that _ go?” Vanessa can hear the distaste in Charity’s words as they leave her mouth, her only knowledge of the ‘best friend’ so far being that she frequently abandons Vanessa in favour of a quick bunk up with her boyfriend. 

“She apologised for leaving me that day, at the library” Charity huffs but doesn’t interrupt, “says she’s excited to have me back.”

The last part is quiet, as though she hates having to say it. The fingers tracing her hip bone falter, trying desperately to stay on track as Vanessa catches Charity’s eyes closing in her peripheral. 

“So you’re going back?” The blonde’s voice is unsteady and Vanessa’s stomach churns. She knows Charity won’t ask her to stay, won’t put that pressure on her like Rhona had. She’ll stand by while Vanessa makes her decision, hold her hand until she gets in a car and drives away if she has to.

“I don’t know.” Her own eyes flutter shut as she brings her other hand back to Charity’s, slinking fingers together until she can feel every line in her palm.

“I don’t think I want to, but I don’t know if I can just up sticks and move my entire life when I put everything into starting a career there.” She knows it sounds selfish, it definitely doesn’t express the way that the idea of leaving Charity makes her body shut down, her heart sinking and her limbs growing heavy.

“No one’s ever let me do anything  _ for me _ Charity, I don’t even know where to  _ start  _ with all the shit flying around my head.” A tug on her hand brings her head to the side, opening her watery eyes onto solid green. Charity’s releases her hold for a second and a hand moves to wipe carefully at the tears, fingers shaky on Vanessa’s cheeks.

“You don’t have to have it all figured out Ness, just... go with your gut, that’s what our Lis says and we all know she’s usually right.” The blonde winks kindly despite the waver in her voice and Vanessa feels her heart seize all over again. Charity Dingle, the one person everyone is always slagging off to kingdom come, the firecracker who shouts at anyone who looks at her the wrong way, the girl who threatened to stuff a pillow over Vanessa’s head if she dared to wake her before seven yesterday.

The only person who has ever looked at Vanessa like she’s important. 

It all hits her at once and she tries to move closer to Charity, seeking just a tiny bit of solace from her own mind in the arms she knows will keep her safe. Instantly her wound resists, pain radiating out from her side to every nerve in her body and she cries out. It’s overwhelming and she gasps back a gentle sob as she lets the pressure of it all wash over her. It’s only when her next whimper is muffled that she notices the blonde has wrapped herself around Vanessa, one hand securely under her side and holding her back whilst the other has snaked into her hair to stroke softly.

“Breathe, Ness.” She hears her own ragged breath as she inhales slowly, her lungs tight as she tries to keep a steady rhythm. She feels Charity’s own against her ear as she whispers. “I’m gonna get your tablets okay, but I’ll be back in a second.”

She’s off the bed and down the stairs before Vanessa can protest, a weak hand covering the warm sheets she’s left behind. She grinds her teeth at the pain and stays as still as she can, waiting for it to die down. As promised, she hears the padding of Charity’s socks against the wood as she tumbles back into the room and stops to crouch by the side of the bed and smooth Vanessa’s hair with a shaky hand. She meets her gaze and the breath comes a little easier, a sad smile sinking its way into her chest as Charity pops the capsules out of their foil. 

She helps Vanessa sit up slowly against the headboard, hands firm as they move to her hips, helping her scoot backwards. She takes her place beside her again and passes her the tablets before doing the same with a glass of water she hadn’t noticed appear. She manages to swallow them despite the lump in her throat and as soon as her hands are free, she tangles them into Charity’s, her voice hoarse as she speaks.

“I...I don’t know what to do.”

Charity tilts her own head back against the wood for a second, biting down on her lip before turning back to Vanessa. Her eyes are less hazy now, the smallest of smiles appearing across her mouth.

“You don’t have to know right now babe, they’ve told you to take your time.” Vanessa moves to interrupt her but the narrowing of the blonde’s eyes shuts her up before she can. 

“ _ Right now _ , you need to heal. You need to get better and cut yourself some slack, cos frankly you’re gonna give me a heart attack if you manage to get another injury added to the list.”

Vanessa knows she isn’t joking, despite the glint in her eyes, so she nods cautiously and jerks her head back. “Come here,” Charity’s brows dip in question, “if I’m not allowed to move then you’ll have to come to me.”

The smile grows now as the blonde moves forward without any hesitation, scratching her nails gently against the skin of Vanessa’s neck before kissing her soundly. She hums happily in reply, the pain in her side momentarily forgotten. Charity barely moves more than an inch when she pulls away, her words bouncing off Vanessa’s lips.

“You need to sleep sweetheart, I’ll stay until Chas calls me with some sort of death threat, as long as you’re resting.”

Vanessa nods and braces herself with hands pressed down into the sheets as she lowers herself again, slender hands hovering nervously nearby. Charity follows her once she’s settled, fingers finding their way back into her hair and lips pressing tenderly against her hairline. 

She feels the shift in her body as the combination of her painkillers and the girl next to her take effect and the last thing she registers before sleep seeps into her bones is the deep sigh against her temple.

*****

“Oh love, you’re up!”

The creak of the bottom step catches Lisa’s attention as Vanessa hobbles towards her usual place on the sofa. It’s almost midnight and the rest of the house is in darkness, the only source of light coming from the lamp illuminating Lisa’s needle and thread as she hems Sam’s overalls. 

“Body clock’s way off after this afternoon, when did Charity leave?”

Lisa ties off the stitch and bites at the cotton to cut it, fanning out the material over her knees to observe her handiwork. Once she seems satisfied she folds them neatly and places them over the arm of the chair to her left.

“Oh a few hours ago darlin’, Chas had a rowdy lot who needed cutting off down the Woolie and she were a bit reluctant to try on her own.”

Vanessa nods gently and pulls the blanket tighter around her shoulders as she eases herself down into the cushions. Lisa watches her carefully, smiling once cloudy blue eyes look up at her. 

“You alright?” Her voice is laced with care, hands folding easily in her lap as she twists her body to face Vanessa, one knee coming up to rest over the other.

“Yeah I’m okay, took my pills before I went to sleep, not wearing off just yet.” Lisa shakes her head as the words leave her lips.

“Not what I meant, pet. What’s going through that worried head of yours, ey?” Lisa looks at her like she can see every thought passing through her mind. She wriggles slightly under the gaze but sighs in resignation and lets her head fall sideways onto the cushion.

“I don’t know where I go from here, Lis.” She lets all trace of her walls come down as kind eyes shoot understanding her way. She knows the woman in front of her is probably the most objective opinion she’ll get right now.

“I have pretty much no desire to go back, leaving you lot, leaving Emmerdale…”

“Leaving the local loudmouth?” 

Vanessa laughs loudly, ignoring the strong pull in her side when she does and basking in the way she feels so much more at ease here.

“Yeah, leaving Charity, I...I don’t really like to even think about it, honestly. Makes me feel kinda sick every time I try.”

Lisa shuffles forward, pushing herself to stand so she can amble over to the sofa and sit opposite Vanessa. She reaches an arm forward, wiggling her fingers until Vanessa catches on and places her hand in the woman’s, pressure easing in her chest as her fingers are squeezed firmly.

“If it helps, she’s got a face like a wet weekend every time she has to leave you these days.” They smile together, picturing the sulking blonde trudging back over to the pub in the rain, but the image eventually rests heavily on Vanessa’s heart along with the rest of her worries.

“What’s  _ keeping _ you in London darlin’?”

She flips through the memories in her mind. Sitting in an uncomfortable dining chair, munching on tasteless chicken while her mother berates her latest fashion choices. A night-in spent in her cold bedroom, friends all occupied as she watches trash tv alone. Holding onto her backpack as she sways awkwardly in her seat on the tube, knocking into strangers’ shoulders and counting the stops until she can get off. 

“My job, I guess.” Her eyes focus on the frayed edge of the blanket gathered by her knees, voice quiet as she tries to quell the worries bundled in her chest. A squeeze on her hand pulls her eyes upwards again.

“But those useless blokes at the hospital said you’ll still graduate right, if you get your projects done? You’ll still be a vet, after all that hard work?” Lisa’s calm, words light and easy as though she’s not managing to slowly clear Vanessa’s head as she speaks. 

“Yeah, but all my connections are there. There are so many jobs there Lis, people who are hoping I’ll join their practice once I’m done...people who I’ve said..” she can hear the panic in her tone, throat closing with the pressure.

“Vanessa, stop, love.” She relents, chewing on her lip as Lisa tilts her head, smile affectionate as she speaks. “Forget the people you may or may not let down, the people who don’t actually matter. What do  _ you _ want?”

She comes up with a thousand lies to choose from, everything from a stable income to making her professors happy, before she finally lets her shoulders slump and gives in to the one solid thought pumping through her brain.

“Charity.” 

Lisa’s smile turns knowing but she doesn’t speak.

“And you lot, my weird, massive family. Emmerdale.” It’s clear as anything when the rest of the shit fades away. An image of her perched on a bar stool waiting for Charity to be off shift, both of them crammed onto the sofa with the others while they try to guess Belle’s bizarre charades actions, quiet mornings where she can shove wellies on over her pyjamas and wander through any number of fields.

“You’ve got  _ us _ , love. We’re not goin’ anywhere, no matter what choice you make.”

She feels her eyes brimming with tears as Lisa shifts closer to her, hand moving to her knee to squeeze reassuringly. She looks up, heart lifting in her ribcage as she acknowledges similar tears forming opposite her, finally able to understand that this is care, this is a loving mother caring about her kid.

“You’ll have a place here regardless, whether it’s for an odd weekend visit or a more permanent stay. Always.”

She nods as she gathers her haphazard thoughts. If she stays, she’ll have a family, a home, possibly a girlfriend. If she leaves, she’ll have job security and an Oyster card.

With a heavy sigh and a watery smile, she places a hand over Lisa’s and manages to make her voice just louder than a whisper.

“The blokes in charge of my case, d’you know where I put their number?”

*****


	12. Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa makes her decision whilst Charity attempts to understand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand it's done! I'm sad it's over but thank you for all your lovely comments, they've meant a lot! If you want an epilogue I can write one, otherwise just send new prompts or feedback to my twitter @bee_isaac. i want to keep writing if I can so feel free to go nuts. Enjoy!

She pulls the door to the side entrance closed behind her as she steps down onto the gravel, her trainers crunching on the rough surface and she immediately regrets her lack of outer layers. It’s got to be nearing freezing at this point in the morning and somehow she’s been lumbered with the job of collecting the glasses strewn about the tables at the back of the pub. The cracked plastic of the crate rubs uncomfortably against her palm and she lugs it up onto one of the benches as it gradually becomes heavier with the weight of the pint glasses inside.

She slips her phone out of her back pocket and swipes at the screen in the hopes that a new message notification will have appeared in the last five minutes. She huffs out a sigh when it flickers to life. Nothing. She unlocks it anyway and scrolls until she finds her message thread with Vanessa, the last text bubble staring back at her like it's mocking her. She hovers for a second before giving in and typing out a feeble attempt at indifference -  _ *you alright?* _ \- like she hasn’t been worrying about things all night. 

They’d only had a brief few hours yesterday morning, Charity being the only one aside from herself that Vanessa would let change the dressings on her stomach. She’d seemed a lot better, painkillers meaning she could stroll around the house a little quicker than normal, her smile practically pouring out of her eyes when she’d seen Charity on the other side of the front door. They’d watched a naff movie which she was fairly sure was actually a Christmas film, Vanessa’s classic ‘doe-eyes’ meaning she’d simply had to roll her eyes and accept her fate, wiping at the few tears that had formed in her eyes as the credits had rolled. 

Vanessa had led their way up the stairs, gathering the supplies for Charity before hesitantly taking her jumper off and breathing deeply as the blonde had crouched to her knees and thumbed softly at her hip bone, changing the gauze as quickly and gently as she could. She’d run her hands up Vanessa’s sides and kissed her softly to ease away the chill that had creeped across her skin, tugging at the jumper as they worked it back over her head. 

She’d seemed fine, but when Charity had offered to come back after her shift, she’d been rebuffed, Vanessa simply shrugging and saying she was just going to get some rest, as though she  _ hadn’t _ insisted she slept better with the blonde there only days before. Charity hadn’t wanted to push, just nodding and dropping a kiss to her temple before shuffling awkwardly out of the door, muttering to herself the whole way home that it probably had  _ nothing to do with her, right? _

She’d text Vanessa before turning the lights off last night and had got a  _ *I’m okay, promise! Just been resting*  _ in reply. Safe to say she hadn’t believed a word of it and had only managed to stop herself from going over there by remembering the  _ last  _ thing she needs is to suffocate the one person she wants to keep close. She’d rolled around restlessly in bed after getting about two hours of sleep, eventually giving up and bundling herself in her duvet to stumble down the stairs and watch Chas’ AbFab DVDs. 

Now she just backspaces until the text box clears, she can do one better. She whips her head around to the door, still closed, and tiptoes over to the splintered wood, pressing her ear up against it to listen for Chas’ telltale grumbling or the sound of the cellar door opening. All she can make out is muted footsteps heading for the bar as Chas goes to turn everything on for the day, so she takes her chance and zigzags back through the tables onto the main road.

Jimmy and Nicola are arguing outside the shop, not an unusual sight, and they barely glance in her direction as she heads further up the road, legs working double time. She rubs her hands up and down her barely covered arms and winces as she feels the cold spread over the shell of her ears, bringing a sharp sting with it. Once she’s past the vets, she turns onto the tarmac she knows will eventually fade out to dirt, a path she walks multiple times a week, feet landing in a different pattern each time. 

She’s about half way up before she notices something on a fleeting glance towards the cottage and she stops dead in her tracks. She’s been in enough trouble to know exactly what an unmarked police car looks like, jet black, lights visible behind the front grill, far too many gadgets scattered on the dashboard. There’s no one in the car, but as she risks a few steps further, she can see the boot stuffed to the brim with boxes - carefully arranged cardboard boxes.

It takes a few seconds before Charity’s heart sinks to her feet and she turns on her heel as it hits her. She veers off the path as soon as she sees a cut through and doesn’t even realise she’s practically running until the door slams behind her, the sound of footsteps barely registering at her side.

“Where the bloody hell d’you get to? Didn’t realise our beer garden was in Timbuk-sodding-tu.”

She’s not looking at Chas, her eyes glued to the wall opposite her and her breathing heavy as she tries to recover. A painful throb rattles in her throat as her voice gets stuck but some noise must leave her because Chas steps closer and curls an arm around her shoulder.

“Charity? What’s goin’ on?” She lifts her head to meet Chas’ gaze and is surprised to find her vision blurred as her eyes overflow with tears. Chas’ expression goes from annoyed to fearful in seconds. She can hear more questioning words leave her cousin’s lips but she just shakes her head in an attempt to rid her cheeks of the waterworks. She doesn’t resist when she’s pulled hastily into the back room and placed down onto the sofa by her shoulders, eventually snapping out of her stupor when Chas speaks louder.

“Charity!” She looks over to the brunette, confusion written all over her face, “You’re really starting to freak me out, what’s wrong, Bails?”

Her expression remains vacant as she shakes her head. “What is it? Is Vanessa alright?”

The name brings her mouth downwards slightly in a frown as she blinks away the threat of more tears. She inhales slowly through her nose and runs her fingers through her hair, scraping blonde locks back only for them to fall back in haphazard curls around her face.

“She’s leaving.”

Chas is silent for a minute, eyes darting to the door with her brows knitted together before landing back on the broken blonde in front of her. Charity looks utterly heartbroken and Chas scoots closer on the sofa, resting a hand on her knee before squeezing gently.

“Vanessa’s leaving? Emmerdale?” Her words are quiet, worrying that if she says them any louder it could shatter her cousin.

Charity nods slowly, red eyes glancing up before she sighs and meets Chas’ concerned gaze. She hates that saying it out loud has made it feel ten times worse, somehow more real than seeing the estate car that had come to take Vanessa home.

“There’s a car at the house, same kind she came up in. They told her they’d send a driver when she was ready. All her stuff is packed into the back.” Her voice is uneven, the words discordant as she picks at the chipped nail polish on her pinky finger. 

“So.. she..she told you she’s leaving?” Chas’ tone sounds like one of disbelief, stammering as though she can’t quite get her head around the concept. Charity raises her head again, voice no clearer than before. 

“No.” 

She rises to her feet now, unable to shake the unsettled feeling from where it’s wrapped around her lungs. She paces back and forth in front of the fridge before flicking the kettle on for something to do, oblivious to the fact there’s hardly any water in it.

“So... what  _ has _ she said?” Chas is more impatient now, coming to where Charity is leaning against the countertop and lifting the kettle from its element before running the tap to fill it.

“Nothing, wasn’t gonna go knock on the door when she’s packed up all her stuff and hadn’t even  _ told  _ me Chas!” Finally her voice cracks and what started as a yell ends up as a broken mumble. 

The kettle starts to make a racket, the bubbles in the water visible in the plastic at the side. Chas lifts her hand from where it’s planted on her hip and latches onto the cupboard handle above her, slinging two teabags into the mugs she brings down. She turns back to her cousin, a lip pulled nervously between her teeth as she gnaws on the skin.

“Charity, you don’t even  _ know _ if that car was for Vanessa, do ya? If she really is leaving without tellin’ you then you barge in there and demand to know why you haven’t had a goodbye!”

They both ignore the click of the kettle as it boils, Charity pressing both hands to her forehead as she tries to ease the pain behind her eyes. Who else would the car be for? Belle just decided on a spontaneous robbery and is now being shipped off to juvie? She knows it’s for Vanessa, she knows what she saw. And it splits her chest every time she thinks about what it means.

“I don’t give a shite about a poxy goodbye Chas, I wanna know why she didn’t talk to me about it! Why she’s goin’ back to that hellhole where no one gives a rat’s arse about her!”

She turns, lifting the kettle herself to pour into the two mugs, steam washing over her face as she fills them and huffing out a sigh when some spills over the side onto the top. There’s a stained tea towel hanging over the oven door and she reaches for it to mop up the mess, well aware of Chas’ eyes following her every move. 

“Then go and ask her! Before she gets in that car and drives off to the big smoke without you.”

She takes a teaspoon from the drawer and nudges Charity out of the way. Milk is dashed into each mug before she presses the bags to the side, turning to chuck them into the bin one by one. She holds one out to Charity, waiting until she accepts it and holds it close to her chest before rounding the table and plonking back down onto the sofa cushions. The blonde lingers near the kitchen table, lifting her mug as if to take a sip before deciding against it and pulling a chair out, not even flinching as it scrapes against the floor.

Charity slumps against its back, the mug clattering as it hits the surface of the table. She leans forward on her elbows and buries her head in her hands, rubbing fiercely at her eyes to try and get rid of the images of Vannesa flying around her head. She doesn’t understand how she’d managed to build up this idea, this  _ fantasy _ , in her head that maybe, for once, she’ll get the ounce of happiness she so badly wants. How, for some unknown reason, she’d thought this would be different, two fractured souls unloaded in the same tiny village and winding up finding something pretty bloody incredible. 

Evidently not. Evidently, she’ll have it taken away, as always. Vanessa will get in that car and not look back, deciding the life she left behind was what she wanted and that in the end, Charity was just too much. Same as everyone had always told her.

“I’m not going.” She doesn’t know if Chas can hear her muffled voice as she speaks into her hands. “I’m not going just to have it confirmed, I honestly don’t think I could hack it.”

She hears another scrape beside her and exhales as she feels a head bump against her own. They lean into one another as Charity tries to take in another ragged breath, her cheeks growing warm and familiar pools forming in her eyes. 

“I’m sorry, love.”

*****

“And they’ve agreed?”

“Yes Miss Woodfield, they’ll fund the next few months until a new housemate can be found, but it will be taken from your compensation.”

Vanessa feels a wave of relief flood her body as she leans back into the sofa. She’d managed a call with Rhona last night after the ear-bashing she’d got from her mother, and naturally the main thing her best friend had been worried about was how they were supposed to pay her part of the rent, eventually having given up on trying to convince Vanessa to come home. They’d had a cry and Rhona had made her promise to come back as soon as she could, even bring Charity if she felt brave enough. Vanessa had to bite her tongue, the thought of Charity putting on a nice act seeming seriously unlikely in her head, and she’d simply agreed, reassuring her that she’d sort the rent and they’d plan a trip once she felt fully settled.

Cue the frantic questions thrown at Coffee Guy and Mr Sweat as soon as they’d arrived this morning. Could they fix the rent problem or would her savings be taking a hit sometime soon? Had they talked to the surgery? The university? Her  _ mother _ ? 

They’d arrived bright and early, Vanessa already perched impatiently on the sofa and trying not to rip open her stitches as she lunged for the door once the knock had sounded. Their call the previous day had been a hectic one, Coffee Guy seemingly bewildered at the stack of information he’d had to work through. 

She’d decided to call them once Charity had left yesterday, trying not to let her heart melt at the disappointed look on her face, telling herself it would be worth it once everything was sorted. A long pause had dragged out once she’d told him she wanted to stay in Emmerdale, Vanessa knowing he was holding back a shocked ‘ _ why?! _ ’ and simply explaining she’d got herself a job, a home and a family and there’s no way in hell she was leaving.

Zak had gone to the vets at daft o’clock that day, harassing Kim as soon as she’d opened up the vets, eventually explaining the situation only to have Jamie jump in, practically giddy at the possibility of not having to work with _ just  _ his mother. After agreeing she would take Vanessa on  _ as long as _ she secured a place at her graduation, Kim had received an awkward bear hug from Zak and been almost bowled over as he ran to get back in the Jeep.

Naturally she’d been antsy while Charity had been round, barely managing to keep herself from wriggling throughout the entire film or making any big declarations while she watched Charity swipe at what she thought were unnoticed tears. She felt horrendous making her excuses and watching a torn Charity step unwillingly into the cold but she knew she needed to give the agents enough time to process all her news so they could get to her sharpish. She had a quick call with Kim, thank yous spilling out of her mouth in word vomit as the woman explained her conditions, Vanessa barely taking them in as she bounced in excitement.

By two o’clock, she’d had the agents agree to collect her things from their student house and bring them up to her as soon as possible, driving into the evening and stopping at the Hotten Travelodge before pulling into Wishing Well at the arse crack of dawn this morning. It  _ did _ help that she had an entire  _ folder _ worth of guilt to throw at them, but it got them in that damn car so she hadn’t felt too bad.

“So that’s it? That’s everything, right?” She turns to Lisa, a disbelieving smile plastered across her face as Lisa grins back at her.

“That’s it kid,” she squeezes Vanessa’s knee before looking over at the two bedraggled men on the chairs opposite them “unless you fellas have anything else to add?”

Coffee guy simply manages to shake his head, the bags under his eyes almost pulling his entire face down into sleep.

“In that case, I’ll make you both a brew before you have to head off. Crack the boot open and our Sammy’ll bring those boxes in.” She signals to Sammy who is practically vibrating at the bottom of the stairs, his feet jumping into action as the taller of the two rummages for his keys and heaves himself up towards the front door. 

“Thank you, Mrs Dingle. All your normal documents are in here Miss Woodfield,” he taps at the manila folder laying on the coffee table, her name branded across the front, “the university have everything in place for you to submit what you need to online, although one of your professors didn’t seem too happy…”

“Short hair? Non-existent top lip?” Vanessa questions and Coffee Guy nods. “Eh, she’s never happy, if that makes it any better.”

“Well, she seemed to understand the severity of what you’ve been through and so she’s agreed along with the rest. You have your extension dates and so you just need to contact them if there’s anything else you need altered. The rent situation will be handled, we’ll call you to discuss the rest of your compensation once you’re settled properly. No rush.”

Vanessa slumps down into the back of the sofa, wide smile not budging from her face. She’s staying...she’s had Zak frantically fight her corner for a job  _ and  _ she’s guilt-tripped her way into having it all happen in twenty-four hours but... she’s actually _ staying _ . Home. 

*****

She gets two limp handshakes before they’re out the door, slinking back into the car and veering right at the end of the track, away from Emmerdale. She shuts the door and leans heavily against it as she faces her  _ new _ housemates, cautiously lifting her hands in the air in victory as Lisa smiles back at her, ambling over and wrapping her arms around Vanessa’s shoulders tightly.

Her conversation with her own mother had gone less than exceptionally well; she’d even put the phone face up on her bed for a while and stared out of the window while her mother barked on about how she was making a mistake, she’d never find success “ _ up there _ ”, all her hard work for nothing. Eventually she’d steeled herself and placed the phone back to her ear, waiting for a sufficient gap in order to tell her that she was happy, and as much as that didn’t seem to matter to her mother, it’s all she wanted. She could still be a vet away from the overcrowded city she was supposed to call home, she could still succeed if she wanted to, she could still sit patiently on the hard leather sofa in her mother’s living room at Christmas, pretending to enjoy the bland sorbet she’d served for dessert. She didn’t dare tell her that she had more of a mother figure in Lisa Dingle than she’d ever had in her, deciding the slate was best wiped clean.

Sam pipes up while she’s still buried in Lisa’s shoulder, grin pushed into the woman’s scratchy cardigan.

“All yer boxes are in your room, they’re not labelled or anythin’ though so I just left ‘em.” His smile is goofy and Vanessa can’t help but shoot one back at him.

“Thanks Sammy, I’ll sort it later.” She turns to Lisa, nerves floating through her veins as she asks, “Belle down the barn?”

Lisa smirks and nods slowly. “Sent her down with Zak, didn’t need much persuading once we told her she could feed the terrible twosome.”

Her lips quirk up at the thought of Belle shoving her wellies on the wrong feet in excitement, running down toward the paddocks ahead of Zak, him trundling along behind her with arms full of supplies. She pulls the zip up on her fleece and moves to the back door, just about getting her own wellies on without too much grimacing when her injury sears in pain.

The air is rigid with the cold and she gradually works her way between the outhouses until she reaches the large barn doors. She can hear giggling coming from behind the wood and high-pitched bleats as Marco and Peggy shuffle around in the straw. She leans her head back against the doors for a moment, letting her eyes dance across the fields, wet with dew and stretching on for miles, a small smile on her lips as she observes her new home. This weird and wonderful place is hers too now, not just a distant memory. 

A squeal brings her back to the present and she eases her shoulder into the wood, the door creaking under her weight and opening slowly onto the scene before her. Belle’s got Marco in her lap as he sucks happily on a bottle; no one’s had the heart to tell the little girl that he’s probably far too big to be sat like this now, but he seems happy enough. She looks up at the noise and a toothy grin spreads across her features when she sees Vanessa standing in the doorway. 

“Ness, look! He’s not even wrigglin’!” she looks back down at the lamb in her arms and it’s so pure that Vanessa’s heart swells in her chest. She walks over to the pair, Zak busy moving hay bales in the pen opposite and she ignores the pang of fear in her chest at the memory, the rope imprints in her wrists. 

“He’s being very good Belle, it’s cos he loves you!” She edges down onto the stool next to them and brings a hand up to tuck stray hairs out of Belle’s face before they can become Marco’s next meal.

“I’ve got a surprise, but you’ll have to wait until Marco’s finished ok?” Belle’s eyes light up and she tilts the bottle further into the air in an attempt to make him drink faster. Vanessa just laughs and takes the bottle from her tiny hands as she lets Marco hop unsteadily back down onto the ground, his legs wobbling slightly before he finds his balance and runs over to his sister where she’s peacefully dozing.

Belle immediately turns and clambers to her feet as she pads forward, coming to stand until she can rest her hands on Vanessa’s knees. Her smile is wide as she waits for her to spill the news, eyes darting around for a moment in the hopes of spotting a present or a new lamb. Vanessa places her hands on the little girl’s head, letting them fall down to frame her face as she focuses Belle’s attention back to the conversation.

“You know Ness was telling you she might have to go home soon?” Belle’s smile suddenly turns upside down, her eyes void of the joy they’d just contained as her small nod breaks Vanessa’s heart.

“Yeah, cos you have to work.” The voice is small, a fraction of the normal decibel the girl operates at. She rocks back and forth whilst holding onto Vanessa’s knees, a sadness having taken over her small frame.

“Well...your daddy’s got me a job here!” Tiny brows furrow in confusion, “And your mummy’s told me I can stay here if I want to…”

Belle’s jumping up and down in front of her before she can finish her sentence, beam back on her face as her wellies smack against the ground. Vanessa waits for her to still slightly and places her hands on her shoulders to try and keep her in one spot.

“But I have to ask the queen of the castle apparently, so...would you like it if I stayed?” she bites back the smile at the corner of her lips as Belle nods wildly.

“Yes, yes, yes please! You can stay! Then we can feed Marco together! And you can keep reading my stories Ness, daddy never gets the voices right.” She thinks the last part is supposed to be a whisper but they still get an offended “ _ oi _ ” from Zak’s spot across the barn.

“Well that’s decided then, guess I’m sticking around with you, kid!” 

*****

“No way, we’re not even  _ open _ yet Charity.” Chas swipes the bottle of wine from her hand and places it back into the open fridge before Charity can reach for the matching glass. 

She groans in response and leans heavily against the bar while Chas works around her, stocking the fridges with tonic water and changing the optics with practised speed. Charity rubs her eyes again and resists the urge to look at her phone, knowing the screen will be empty and the time will just remind her that Vanessa’s probably halfway to her dingy student flat by now.

She’s part way through yet another sigh when she gets a sharp tap to her forehead. Looking up, Chas looks pityingly at her from her place on the stool opposite, having rounded the bar in an attempt to cheer her cousin up before they’re overwhelmed with lunchtime punters. 

“Look, this has been a completely and utterly  _ shite _ mornin’, I get it. But you can’t let this rule you, Charity. She’s gone, there’s nowt we can do about it now.” Her fringe falls messily into her eyeline and she huffs a breath upwards in an attempt to clear her vision.

“Oh wow, cheers Chas. Perked me right up you have, master of sympathy.” Her voice is rough but her sarcasm seeps through as potent as always.

“Sympathy isn’t gonna get you  _ anywhere _ and you know it, if you had your way, you’d be mopin’ in your room for weeks on end, probably getting blind drunk whenever you did come down to join the land of the livin’.”

Charity rolls her eyes as far back into her head as she can, pulling her damp sleeves down until her hands are buried in the material. She avoids eye contact for a good few minutes in the hope her cousin will eventually give up and disappear in the back to stock-take. Instead, by the time she risks looking back, Chas is fixing her with an expectant glare.

“You’re the one who decided not to try and stop her Charity, for all you know, she was waiting for an excuse not to get in the damn car!” Chas lifts her hands from the bar top in a wild gesture and turns to the tables next to her, bringing the chairs down from the surfaces where they’ve sat all night. The banging of the wood on the floor causes Charity to flinch but she doesn’t move to help, instead pinching the skin at her temples and groaning in frustration.

“She didn’t even  _ tell  _ me she was leaving, Chas! She wasn’t even going to let me know, doubt she would have appreciated a pathetic plea from  _ this  _ load of baggage.”

She hears a muttered “ _ oh for fuck’s sake _ ” as the brunette pauses with a chair mid-air, an exasperated sigh leaving her mouth before she lets it clatter to the floor and turns back to face Charity.

“Why didn’t you just call her you daft mare, y’know, use that little thing that’s always attached to your damn hand?”

The blonde feels the anger rise in her chest, at Chas, at Vanessa, at herself. She’s well aware she’s as stubborn as an old mule but somehow, she’d hoped that avoiding being rejected outright would have saved her some dignity, some pain. Turns out she was wrong, unsurprisingly. It hurt even more not being able to see Vanessa’s face once more before she turned her back on Emmerdale forever, not being able to persuade her to stay, to try and make some fraction of a difference in the decision. Even if it wouldn’t have worked. 

“And say what Chas?” She’s upright now, hands flying into the air in defeat and voice cracking slightly as she speaks.

“Uhh, Charity..” Chas’ voice is low and unsure as the blonde ignores her.

“Oh hi Ness, would you possibly consider not going back to your great job and normal life because I might possibly break apart if you’re not here?” The cynicism in her tone is clear as she tries to let the anger surpass her desire to cry. She drags bitten nails through her hair as she lets out a hollow laugh.

“Charity…” 

“Can you maybe stay here forever instead, cos I’m so stupidly and irrevocably  _ in love _ with you that the idea of you leaving makes me feel like I can’t  _ breathe _ .”

“Would have worked, I’d say.”

She stops dead, eyes flickering to Chas as the brunette widens her eyes and lifts a finger to hesitantly point towards the door. Charity turns on her heels and her lungs constrict as she catches sight of a stunned Vanessa standing stock still at the other end of the bar, raising her own timid hand in a wave.

“I tried..” Chas mumbles to her cousin, mouth pulled into a small smile as she shuffles quickly towards the back of the bar, “I’m just...I’m gonna sort the barrels or something..”

Charity’s eyes don’t move, focused solely on the blue ones gradually filling with tears opposite her. She goes to speak but all that comes out is a croak so she clears her throat and tries again. 

“You’re still here.” Almost kicking herself at the obvious words, she suddenly remembers her feet and rounds the bar, stopping just short of where Vanessa seems to be glued to the ground. Her heartbeat sounds in her ears as she tries to figure out if Vanessa’s tears are happy or sad, a tiny smile twitching at the edges of her lips.

“Well observed.” Vanessa manages a chuckle, allowing a tear to slip over the brim and not bothering to try and wipe it away. Her heart thrashes in her chest and her smile stretches as she takes her hands out of her pockets.

“But there was a car, Ness, all your stuff…”

“All my stuff  _ from _ London, Charity. I’m going to need it if I’m living here full time..” she pauses as she watches Charity’s face morph from confusion to complete shock, eyes bulging before she swallows harshly. 

“You’re not leaving? You’re moving here, permanently?” she steps forward without thinking, a shaky hand moving to grasp at Vanessa’s before she catches herself, arm returning to her side limply. The thudding in her ears is overwhelming as she watches the other girl move.

Vanessa shakes her head and lets out a gravelly laugh, wiping quickly at her cheeks before reaching her own hand out to link their fingers and rubbing a thumb gently over trembling knuckles as she inhales sharply.

“Thing is, every time I thought about leaving, I felt sick.” She lifts her good arm up to tuck a few wild strays back behind the blonde’s ear and Charity feels her eyes close for a few seconds, the touch sending a welcome shiver directly down her spine.

“Didn’t really take much to figure out why. Turns out, I love it here and I don’t want to be anywhere else.” Vanessa’s voice is rough but determined, “I love being part of this family, I love this ridiculous village. I love you.” Charity’ eyes snap open, a watery smile and soft eyes gazing back at her. 

“You love me?” She only realises she’s crying when Vanessa drags a thumb under her eyes and nods slowly.

“I do. Lucky for me, you apparently feel the same way.” 

Charity drops her chin to her chest and groans when Vanessa chuckles, scratching her nails across the blonde’s scalp.

“That wasn’t the way I envisaged telling you, I’m sorry Ness, I just thought you’d gone already and wouldn’t exactly want me banging on the door and shouting it out in front of those coppers and I…”

“Charity?” she stops, her eyes meeting Vanessa’s only to register that she’s standing about two inches away, eyes wet with emotion and mouth quirked in a soft smile. Charity nods.

“Kiss me.” 

So she does. She winds one hand gently around Vanessa’s neck, fingertips creeping up into her loose hair and lets the other snake around her waist as she pulls her in. Vanessa sighs into her mouth and any trace of the outside world falls away as she kisses her with everything she has. She can taste the salt from their tears on her lips but can only smile when Vanessa’s own hands sink into her hair.

Desperate kisses melt into soft brushes as they slow together, Vanessa’s arms hooking around her neck as they pull away, reluctant to let her go far. Their foreheads bump for a minute as they catch their breath and Vanessa can’t seem to wipe the stupid grin from her face as she nudges Charity’s nose. 

“What now?”

Charity smiles and drops another chaste kiss to her lips before cupping her jaw gently and stroking at the soft skin. 

“Well, you need any help unpacking?”

*****


	13. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2 years on for our girls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only took me an age to get this up, apologies! Just something stupidly soft to round off this story - thank you for all your lovely comments. Feel free to tell me if you liked it or hated it, hopefully the former! @bee_isaac on twitter.
> 
> Thanks you lovely lot! Stay safe.

2 years later

He’s still limp as she places him back into the cage, managing a half-hearted growl when she moves to stroke at the back of his head. She retracts and holds her hands up in surrender, opting to check the level of water in his bottle feeder before she slides the latch into place. 

“Sorry Barry, maybe try not to eat the _ entire  _ contents of the rubbish bin next time, yeah? Then we wouldn’t have to keep going through this.”

Vanessa swears she can see the rabbit glare at her as he shuffles around towards the back of the cage, almost as if trying to hide the newly shaved patch near his rear end. He thumps his feet a few times against the blanketed floor and sniffs loudly in protest, she rolls her eyes and crosses her arms defiantly in front of her own chest.

“Alright, no need to have a strop.” She’s so preoccupied with the stand-off she seems to have entered into that she doesn’t hear the soft click of the door at reception.

“I didn’t exactly  _ love  _ the view of your arsehole either Barry, to be perfectly honest with you.”

The rabbit only shifts himself to face the back wall and Vanessa starts to roll her eyes again before a familiar set of arms wrap themselves around her waist. She jumps slightly, letting out a gasp in surprise as a hand flies to her chest, her heartbeat calming rapidly once the arms only squeeze tighter in reassurance. 

“Got something you wanna tell me, babe?” The hand on her right hip tugs gently and she spins in Charity’s arms, winding her gloved hands around her neck as she’s greeted with a smirk. A feeling of contentment settles warm in her stomach as she takes in sharp green eyes and soft curls, something that seems to happen every time she sees her girlfriend, without fail. Somehow she doesn’t think she’ll ever quite get used to that.

One of Charity’s hands presses softly into the small of her back to tug her closer, the other lifting to gently place the escaped hairs from Vanessa’s ponytail behind her ear. The smirk turns soft but she still gets a wink from the blonde that flutters around in her chest.

“You’re hilarious.” She’s getting much better at her unimpressed face now, usually used whenever Charity is trying to get out of trouble, but she knows full well that it’s easy for her to see right through it.

“He’s been a right princess about it, got a few nips to my hand earlier and all. I mean, I get it, I wouldn’t wanna be poked and prodded down there either, so…” Her head tips back with a sigh when a filthy grin automatically spreads across her girlfriend’s features, a wicked glint in her eye as she moves to speak.

“Don’t even think about it, Charity. Put that sentence back in your head cos it isn’t coming out.” Charity’s mouth closes again and she raises a brow in feigned offence. “I can  _ see  _ the crude comments flying around that head of yours Dingle.”

Vanessa tugs on one of the errant curls that have fallen over Charity’s shoulders and lifts her own head to tilt upwards, pursing her lips and closing her eyes. She grins into the immediately delivered kiss and pushes forward with a happy sigh to catch soft lips once more before she pulls away.

“You almost done here?” Charity allows her to swivel back to the cage as she tugs on the door to test the lock, stepping back to lean against the doorframe as Vanessa double checks all’s in order.

“Yeah, I just want to pop home before we head to the farm though.” She turns to face the blonde and runs a hand down her front to gesture at the overalls, her nose screwing up in distaste. “Can’t exactly rock up like this, can I?”

Charity doesn’t move from her spot against the door, choosing instead to rake her eyes appreciatively over Vanessa’s form, the way the dark green brings out every possible hint of strawberry blonde in her light hair. She grins when Vanessa squirms under her watchful eye. 

“Dunno, think your arse looks pretty spectacular in anything...” Vanessa rolls her eyes and waves her hand to shoo Charity out of the room as she turns to lock the door, “or nothing, for that matter…”

She delights in the small victory of Vanessa’s chuckle, perching uncomfortably on the corner of the reception desk as the vet rifles through the pile of papers haphazardly strewn across the top. She peels her gloves off and huffs out a sigh at the state Pearl has left everything in, the schedules tucked in somewhere under a few fax invoices and the appointment book nowhere to be found.

“I swear that woman does more harm than good working here, I get Kim going part time meant we needed the help but I’d rather be taking this lot home and doing it myself.”

Charity stays silent and watches carefully with soft eyes as Vanessa tries to stack relevant papers into neat piles, fiddling with the desk drawer key until she can slot things into the right file. She knows any time the blonde’s eyes are on her, it’s like a warm spot on her body that traces her movements and it’s  _ more  _ than welcome. She can feel each nerve stand on end as the gaze traces a path from her hands to her neck, eventually looking up when she feels a hole being drilled into her forehead. Charity’s grin is lopsided and she returns it automatically, shutting the drawer and rounding the desk to place herself between Charity’s legs when the other girl backs further onto the cool wooden top. She runs her hands gently up jean-clad thighs and squeezes when a free hands slinks into her hair. 

It’s easy, loving Charity. Over the past two years, there hasn’t been a single feeling of conscious effort in their interactions, whether it be the way Charity automatically adjusts her hold when Vanessa turns in her sleep or the way she knows to keep some sort of touch between them whenever Charity’s stressed. It works. 

She had nightmares for a while, a good few months. She’d wake up with sweat covering her forehead, Charity’s hand solid at the base of her back while she cupped her jaw with the other, bringing Vanessa back to her room in Wishing Well where they lay in her tiny bed like sardines. But it got easier, eventually only needing a hand combing through her hair to lull her back to sleep. Now she knows whenever Charity is close, not having to look up from her table to know when her girlfriend has sauntered into the bar, not needing to hear the squeak of the door to know she’s being joined in the shower.

Combined with the chaotic ease of Dingle family life, it made more sense to Vanessa than she’d ever known. 

When she lets her eyelids flutter open, she can see a flicker of concern flash across familiar green as Charity eyes her, a soft grin silently confirming what she wants to know and settling her. She doesn’t move to back away as she speaks quietly, not wanting to dislodge the blonde’s hand from where it scratches at her scalp.

“I’ll tidy up here and meet you at the pub in ten, sound like a plan?”

The hand moves to stroke at the side of her neck and she lets her head loll to the side as she leans into it, heart thrumming lazily at the smile she gets in return.

“Sure. You dead set on going to this thing tonight? Don’t fancy skipping out and having wine in the bath with Emmerdale’s finest?” Charity winks teasingly and brings her nails to scrape against Vanessa’s jaw. She just about manages to suppress the shudder that wants to run through her but she leans closer, eyes remaining open and warning as she shakes her head.

“Zak’s making the effort to actually use the barbecue Charity, with  _ tools  _ and Lisa’s supervision, we’re going.” She taps at the blonde’s hips intently, the hint being received as she shuffles off the desk and tilts her head back in a dramatic sigh as Vanessa pushes her towards the door, hands insistent on her shoulders.

“Fiiiine, god you’re a spoil sport.” She turns in the doorway, watching her for a second. She grabs Vanessa by the sleeve and tugs sharply until she’s jolted forward and presses a lingering kiss to her lips. The vet mumbles low against Charity’s mouth before she moves back.

“If you’re lucky, and you’re on your best behaviour tonight, I’ll wear that underwear you still haven’t seen yet…” Charity’s eyes darken within seconds and she reluctantly lets Vanessa pull away from the hold, “you know, let you peel it off when we get home…”

Charity’s down the path and making her way down the main street before Vanessa can blink and she laughs when she hears her yelling back towards the surgery. 

“Get a move on then babe, don’t want to keep them waiting, do we?!”

Vanessa watches her sprint towards the Woolpack and leans against the door, waiting until Charity’s rounded the corner before she turns the ‘Open’ sign to ‘Closed’ and shuts the door.

*****

“Ness?!” She almost drops the mascara in the sink when she hears Charity yell from their bedroom, swearing under her breath when she notices she’s managed to get a black mark on her nose. 

“Have you seen my jacket? My leather one? I swear if that trollop's stolen it AGAIN…” her voice trails off as Vanessa hears the slamming of various drawers and furious muttering. Looking back up into the mirror she shouts back “ _ wardrobe! _ ” before attempting to rescue her foundation.

The one thing about living together meant that they also lived with the dynamic duo, Chas and Faith. Charity had soon gotten fed up with their situation living apart; she’d hated the risk of waking up the entire farm when she clambered into that tiny bed with Vanessa after a late shift, that and the fact they had to keep their  _ noise  _ to a minimum to avoid scarring Belle for life. So, she’d moved in.

Once Vanessa had become used to Chas’ lewd comments about their rowdy nighttime activities, she’d fitted right in, eventually swapping out her furious blushes for her own jokes about the brunette’s own dormant sex life. Chas was like another sister, not quite as cute as Belle, but their relationship had blossomed once Vanessa was under the same roof. They made quite the team whenever Charity left washing up in the sink or refused to get up for a shift, steely glares and threatening comments leading Charity to nickname them the ‘ _ Shining Twins _ ’. Unfortunately for Chas, when it came to sides, Vanessa would usually end up picking Charity’s in the end, knowing her reward would be well worth the side-eye from Chas the next day.

As much as she missed the quiet the farm brought as opposed to the usually packed pub, and Belle’s quiet padding into her room at the crack of dawn, she couldn’t really complain about the alternative. For the most part, Charity slept like a log, dead to the world until the sunlight creeped through enough of the curtains for her to grumble and bury her head further into Vanessa’s hair. But Vanessa’s developed ways. Usually she’ll lay peacefully wrapped up in her girlfriend until she knows they should move, turning as gently as she can in the tight hold and watching the furrowed brow and twitch of Charity’s nose until she knows she’s won. 

_ “Is it completely necessary to creep on me this early?” _

But she’d waver in the end, keeping her eyes closed and shuffling over to breath in deeply at Vanessa’s neck before she’d mumble something about a cuppa against her skin and roll reluctantly out of bed. This was normal now. Yet, every time Charity slid in next to her after her shift and pressed her nose into her hair, every time she padded softly into their room with wet hair and a towel wrapped around her, every time she pushed Vanessa up against their door and snaked a hand into her jeans, her heart would swell to ten times its size in her chest and _ that _ , she’d never get used to.

The carpet is barely visible underneath the piles of clothes when she strolls back into the bedroom, drawers practically empty and hangers strewn about the bed. Charity is stood triumphant at the wardrobe, brushing her hands down the front of her leather jacket and checking herself out in the mirror. 

“Did I miss a tornado while I was doing my makeup? Or did a family of racoons pass through?”

Vanessa makes her way across to the chest of drawers, picking various crumpled items off the floor and folding them to put them away where they belong. Charity shuts the door to the wardrobe and stays silent, only releasing a low hum as her girlfriend continues to Marie Kondo their belongings. 

“If you’d told me that’s what you were wearing then I wouldn’t have bothered getting dressed, babe.” She turns with a disapproving glare to face her smirking other half, green eyes fixated on the material clinging to her legs. She manages to push down the wave of lust that threatens to wash over her and clears her throat. 

“I told you, best behaviour, then you can peel these off and claim your reward.” Trying not to ogle Charity is much harder than it sounds when she’s put those damn hoop earrings in and smoked out her eyes. She knows she looks good, even as she checks out Vanessa, she still stands like she owns the room.

The blonde’s eyes dance and she starts to stalk over, her strides short but slow and Vanessa waits patiently as she feels her backside press into the wood behind her. The curls framing Charity’s face bounce lightly around her shoulders with her movements and Vanessa wants nothing more than to bury her hands in the tresses, but she keeps her cool, well….she tries.

“Charity…” her tone is warning but the blonde’s grin only widens.

“Charity, I mean it, we’re already late cos of your lost shoe disaster.”

As soon as Charity’s front makes contact with her own, she inhales sharply. She rolls her eyes internally at herself and her complete lack of self control but she still reaches her hands out to grab the blonde’s elbows and hold her in place as she settles against the smaller woman. For a second she assumes Charity is leaning in to kiss her and she smiles in anticipation, brows knitting together when the warm breath ghosts past her lips and appears again at the shell of her ear.

“I suggest you get your gorgeous arse out of this room before I decide that the peeling can’t wait.”

She shivers but visions of their shitshow room linger in her peripheral. “Charity, we can’t just leave it like this, we -”

“Out, now.” She’s well aware that Charity will stick to her word and she doesn’t really fancy turning up late to yet another family function, possibly with her knickers still tucked into her skirt like last time….

“Let’s go.”

*****

She can’t quite bring herself to try and rush, the evening sun bathing them in warmth while they stroll slowly over to the farm. No matter where they are, or what mood she’s in, Charity will always slink her fingers between Vanessa’s to hold her hand, tonight is no different. A thumb is absentmindedly brushing against her own and she finds herself smiling every time their shoulders bump together, a wave of her girlfriend’s perfume soaking her senses.

Belle’s laughter rings out as they approach the farm gates, eventually the top of her head becoming visible as they drag their shoes along the dirt track. Her hair’s turned a beautiful white blonde in the past year, skimming past her shoulders now with a fringe that gets in her eyes sometimes. Luckily, she hasn’t grown too much in two years, still small enough for Vanessa to balance on her hip while she helps Lisa do Sunday lunch.

“So kind of you to join us, ladies, thought you’d got lost!” Lisa’s voice booms from her spot at Zak’s side, comfy in a camping chair outside the back door while Sammy helps his dad poke at the barbecue. 

“Yeah,” Marlon snorts, “lost in each other’s underwear more like…” his cackle is cut short when Lisa clips him round the ear, Charity laughing quietly beside her as they come to join the circle.

She moves to perch on one of the upturned logs near the firepit but Belle barrels into her legs before she can sit down. “NESS! You been ages, I had to play with Cain instead and he’s rubbish!” 

Vanessa laughs and brushes the girl’s fringe back against her head, relieving her clammy forehead of the heat for a moment. She glances towards Lisa when she speaks.

“Sorry, Aunty Charity took a few years to decide what to wear so we couldn’t come over early!” Lisa’s grin is wide as she hears her girlfriend mutter “ _ bit rude, actually” _ behind her. Belle seems to clock her aunty then, stumbling over to where she’s sunken into a spare chair and squeezing her little arms around her waist in a hug. Vanessa watches with a lopsided smile as the blonde whispers something into Belle’s hair, receiving a fierce nod before letting her go. She runs back to Vanessa and tugs insistently on her sleeve.

“Ness, Aunty Chatty says can you please sit your lovely bottom on her lap cos her knees are cold.”

Lisa chuckles as Vanessa’s gaze moves from the little girl up to her girlfriend, mischievous eyes staring back at her as the blonde jerks her head to motion her forward. A warm feeling surrounds her heart when Charity holds out her arms in anticipation, linking them securely around Vanessa’s waist as she settles against her front, a nose buried in the back of her hair as she sighs.

She only gets a grunt of annoyance when she has to lean over and get their plates of food from Lisa, rolling her eyes and planting herself back on Charity’s thighs when a finger hooks into the back pocket of her jeans and pulls. She could act bothered by it but she knows everyone can see how much she gravitates towards the blonde, Charity’s clingy moments are the main culprit behind her thumping heart and googly eyes.

It smells so strongly of summer across the fields, the crackle of the flames in the pit creating a perfect peaceful soundtrack to their evening. It’s her favourite time of year, the sun refusing to set until they head to bed, days warm enough for her to bring her dresses out of hibernation. Charity also brings out her shorts when she deems it warm enough, Vanessa discovered this during their first summer together and had suddenly learnt to appreciate the stifling heat a lot more.

Once they’re all sufficiently full, Belle tucked away in bed, they crowd around the fire with beers in hand. Vanessa’s knees are tucked up while her head rests on Charity’s shoulder, her jacket having somehow found its way around Vanessa’s shoulders at some point. A slender hand taps out a mindless rhythm against her hip where she’s being held in place and it would send her to sleep if it weren’t for the slight tingle she gets when Charity touches her there.

She fits in here, it feels  _ right _ . She’s never been one for the overly-sentimental but a glance around the circle is enough to remind her that she’s home. As much as she loves her job and has really made her own mark at the local surgery, it’s the coming home to Charity, the weekends on the farm, the lunchtime coffees with friends, that’s what keeps the bright smile on her face and her heart lifted in her chest.

Rhona and Paddy come up every few months, Paddy slightly more eager after spending ten minutes in Chas’ presence and developing a mammoth crush - even his massive expanse of bald head had gone red when he’d met her. Charity had simmered for the first few visits, hesitant in her niceties towards Rhona, choosing instead to keep a soft hand on Vanessa’s back while they shared university gossip and stories. But she’d softened eventually, actually joining in conversations when she was certain Rhona wasn’t there for selfish reasons, her days of using her best friend seemingly far behind her.

She’s daydreaming still when a pinch on her skin snaps her out of it, turning her head abruptly to the source in question. Charity leans close, chin resting gently on Vanessa’s shoulder as she noses some of her hair out of the way to reach her ear.

“It’s nearly ten, I promised a few hours of good behaviour only, peeling awaits. Home?” She places a soft kiss on Vanessa's neck and she manages to hum in response, nodding minutely before Charity eases her off her knees and makes their excuses. They get a few knowing looks but soft smiles in return. As much as they complain about the two of them being attached at the hip, she knows they’re all just as happy as she is. 

They’re good together, perfect even.

*****

“Do we get better at that every time or am I imagining it?” Charity’s voice is laboured, breath still coming in short bursts as she tries to refill her lungs. Vanessa’s back aches but she stretches out regardless, enjoying the reminder the pull sends through her body. She turns her head to the side, the sight of her wrecked girlfriend splayed out beside her brings a small groan of appreciation out of her throat.

“I think you might be right.” She lets her eyes glaze over as she takes in the sweaty sheen covering Charity’s chest, the dim lamp in the corner just allowing the shadows along her curves to settle, framing her wonderfully. 

She feels the effort tug in her muscles when she rolls slowly onto her side, arm landing heavily at Charity’s side. Her fingers crawl across her hip, dragging up to her chest so she can run her index finger down the hollow between her breasts. She smirks lightly when she sees the familiar trail of goosebumps appear on smooth skin, knowing something similar had happened when the blonde had stripped Vanessa’s jeans from her legs against their bedroom door.

When her eyes return to Charity’s face, hazy green is staring back at her, smile relaxed and still managing to take Vanessa’s breath from her every time. 

“As much as I regret nothing, I  _ am  _ sorry about that…” she nods over to the vanity stool to their right where a royal blue thong has landed. She squints to make it out in the partial darkness of their room but it doesn’t take much to notice the giant rip through the lace. She knows the matching bra has been discarded somewhere near the wardrobe, Charity sparing it as she’d flicked the back clasp open with ease.

“Well, I told you they were new, you could have been a bit more careful.” Her head flops back to her left to glare half-heartedly at the blonde. Charity chews her lip in apology and her eyes show a flicker of guilt behind the satiated glee. 

“I’ll buy you two new sets, stockings and all…”

“Oh yeah I’m sure that’s a  _ real sacrifice, _ spending your money on underwear for me to wear... _ for you _ …”

Charity laughs then. It’s low and gravelly but genuine and Vanessa is once again slightly overwhelmed by her ability to fall more in love with the woman in new ways each day, just when she didn’t think it was possible.

She grins as she feels soft fingers work their way between her own as they stare up at the ceiling, shadows dancing on the plaster from the sliver of light creeping through the curtains. Her chest rises and falls in a gentle rhythm again, a happy thrum surrounding her heart as she registers the faint feeling of Charity’s pulse in her wrist. They stay quiet for a while, sheets tangled around their calves, the damp hairs at the nape of Vanessa’s neck drying gradually. 

Eventually, an insistent hand on her hip pulls her back up onto her side, not stopping until she’s more or less draped over Charity’s front, loose waves forming a curtain around their faces. She feels a laugh in her throat but it stops as she recognises the emotion in her girlfriend’s eyes, looking so far into her that she feels as though they briefly become one person, knowing every thread of each others’ being. 

She allows the smile to spread slowly as she feels a finger hook under her chin, Charity’s favourite silent signal, and she meets her lips as softly as she dares. Their kiss is languid, tongues brushing against each other slowly and lips gently sucked between teeth. She could do this for the rest of her life, easily, lost in everything that’s Charity, the rest of the world could just fall away. Everything she gladly left behind, the memories of pain and fear fading completely, she’d leave the real world behind in a second. But the reality will do her just as well, as long as Charity touches her like this and looks at her like she’s the only one who exists, she can accept the occasional nightmares, the long days with her hands up a cow’s arse, the village gossip, all of it is worth it.

She pulls away and lets their foreheads rest together for a second before kissing the corner of Charity’s mouth and moving to look her in the eyes. A few baby curls have gathered around the blonde’s cheeks and Vanessa winds them around her index finger, tucking them neatly back behind her ear. She speaks when she brings her gaze back to her only focus.

“I love you.”

There’s no question in her voice, a simple statement of divine fact. Charity’s smile mirrors her own, eyes melting from their lust into adoration as she thumbs gently at Vanessa’s lower lip. She can see the words working their way down into her girlfriend’s chest as Charity replies softly.

"I love you too. More than you know, Ness.”

Only, she does know. 

As she moves in to kiss Charity again, a content sigh swallowed when she catches her lips, she pictures it. That tiny black velvet box she’d found by accident while putting Charity’s washing away, sitting amongst balled up socks and mismatching underwear. And she remembers, the feeling of knowing everything she’d never thought she’d have was right in front of her. The feeling of light rattling against her ribcage and threatening to burst out of her body. 

And when Charity’s ready, whenever she’s planned to bring out that box and reduce Vanessa to a mess of tears and frantic declarations of love, she knows she won’t hesitate for even a second, she knows she’ll say yes.

*****


End file.
